


No Sugar In My Coffee

by Macbetha



Category: Free!
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Married Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-09-29 23:57:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 48,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17213261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macbetha/pseuds/Macbetha
Summary: “Did you know that my favorite part about becoming a parent is thinking about how great you’re gonna be as a dad?” Rin  flattens his palm over Sousuke’s heart. “You just have this… security about you.”Sousuke hugs Rin’s waist, clinging to him. “I hope it’ll be enough.”“It will,” he promises.Sousuke never dreamed of having kids, but as always, Rin changes everything.Or: how a cop and a stripper become parents.Spin-off of Eyes Wide Open All the Time.





	1. raven

**Author's Note:**

> hi, happy new year! i hope you are well. i'm so excited to finally share this project; eyes wide open all the time's sequel, chasing the dragon, will be posted next month, but i wanted to write this as a way to catch readers up on everything, instead of people having to go back and read nearly half a million words from the original story. plus, i love sourin and this is a big step in their arc of the ewoatt universe, so i just had to write this. 
> 
> **this timeline:** so this story takes place around ewoatt's _epilogue,_ but makoto hasn't asked haruka to marry him yet. sousuke has just agreed to adopt a baby with rin, and this is what happens afterwards. 
> 
> this story will be in two parts - one before namiko comes home, and the second installment is the aftermath. i also wanted to include a second installment because um yall never saw the makoharu wedding and like. i have fluff needs too. i can't NOT write that. 
> 
> playlist for no sugar in my coffee:  
> [welcome home by radical face](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5KxCFL9TN4)  
> [boats & birds by gregory and the hawk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge3cf-AEZEs)  
> [light by sleeping at last](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5SaNY9dXJ0)  
> [for the first time by the script](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1lD5gDw6Lo)  
> [moon by sleeping at last](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NALeI_SVNgE)
> 
> the first scene has explicit sexual content since sourin are doing what married ppl do but if you're just not in the mood for that, skip the first scene.
> 
> thank yall so much, i hope you enjoy! welcome back to ewoatt <3

* * *

 The neighborhood of Sagebrook is quiet as all family residentials are before the sunrise. It is as if you are walking through a photograph from childhood – the sidewalks and scattered chalk are motionless, a father’s rake propped up with an air of nostalgic repose. Sagebrook has a bit more personality than the suburbs since no H.O.A. fees mean that people are free to decorate however they wish and mow their lawns whenever they please. These streets bring forth the assumption that everyone living here is an ordinary statistic of working-class people. There’s the occasional weekend barbecue in the cul-de-sac; Saturdays are spent at ball games and afternoons are used to paint another layer of white across picket fences.  
  
Safety is a boredom that so few people realize is a privilege. Safety is something that a few particular residents are still learning how to trust.  
  
Most properties in this neighborhood are kept well, like the charming cottage with a green pick-up sagging in the driveway. Inside the home, a couple rushes through kisses between coffee. Their routine is as unique as the circumstances that brought them together; it is a tumble of hearing aids and iron pills, strapping on a prosthetic and hiding heroin scars beneath long sleeves. These secrets are theirs, together.  
  
Beside the cottage is another home, one with a rainy palette of navy and stone. An add-on juts from the structure, a humble little room that’s taking far longer than expected to complete. A tan ring of dust circles the addition as a saw table and ladder drip morning dew. A square is cut into one wall to make a window, and three locks are waiting to be installed over it.  
  
Inside the home are three people but five heartbeats: a married couple, a sister, and two loyal companions in the form of a Belgian Shepherd and a black lab. The house was once nothing more than shelter for the single cop that only came home to fall in bed and be lonely. Now life brims at every corner of the home, like dishes in the sink from a dinner cooked with too much grease and so much love; pictures everywhere; shoes stacked by the front door in clumsy disarray. If there’s an aluminum bat beside that door and guns hidden everywhere possible, well – old habits die hard.  
  
Sousuke keeps his face buried in his pillow as he slams a fist down on the blaring alarm clock. The world falls into blissful silence once more and he lulls through that space of unconsciousness and life, where he knows that nothing will ever feel better than letting sleep’s embrace tug him away.  
  
Birds coo while the sun takes its first big stretch over the horizon; warmth floods the bedroom. Sousuke yanks the blankets over his  head as well as Rin’s, welcoming his husband into the world of sweet darkness beneath the covers. Rin hums a sleepy noise and hugs a thigh around Sousuke’s hip. His hair is damp where it’s meshed against Sousuke’s neck and the smell of cherry blossom shampoo still clings from last night’s shower.  
  
Sousuke runs his hands up Rin’s naked back, feeling out the softness of his skin with the occasional twiggy texture of a scar. When the alarm clock goes off again, Sousuke fumes a sigh and rips the cord out of the wall. He flops back on the pillows in an acceptance of defeat. He yawns, scrubbing a forearm across his eyes as his thoughts slowly link to coherency. His schedule comes together in his mind, trying to cram different tasks into a 24-hour window. He needs to get Gou to school by 7:30 and it’s Monday, which is when they get Starbucks in the morning, so he has to leave the house earlier than usual –  
  
Rin rolls on top of him to make a home of Sousuke’s chest and Sousuke chuckles, propping an arm behind his head to watch Rin wake up. His husband keeps his eyes closed as he leans up to rest their foreheads together; his hair brushes ticklish sensation across Sousuke’s face. He takes Rin into his arms and the embrace invigorates Sousuke, giving him the strength to face the day if only because he cannot wait to fall in bed tonight and feel this all over again.  
  
Rin nuzzles in with hot pecks of morning breath but Sousuke still kisses him with a closed mouth before Rin speaks up, his voice deep and sweet. “Your breath smells like cum.”  
  
Sousuke swats his ass and shoves him off, making Rin laugh.  
  
Sousuke rises to stretch, rolling his shoulder, scratching at the old scar that billows across his throat like an ugly mixture of watercolors. Rin’s gaze drinks him in, falling between Sousuke’s legs, where his gray sweatpants are slung low. Sousuke meets his gaze as he lazily adjusts himself, jostling his bulge. Rin grins at the tease, his eyes still hooded from last night’s satisfaction.

Sousuke grabs a wadded towel off the floor and heads for their bathroom. “I’m gonna take a shower real quick.”  
  
The invitation is obvious but Rin pouts, swaying his raised knees under the blankets. The sunrise does beautiful things for his silhouette. “Come back for a sec.”  
  
“I can’t, I have to leave in like, thirty minutes.”  
  
“You’re hard.”  
  
Sousuke grabs Rin’s hand to tug him toward the bathroom. “No, you ass,” Rin whines as Sousuke manhandles him across the bed. “I’m comfy here.”  
  
Sousuke lets his hand go and Rin’s arm flops off the mattress, his head hanging upside down over the side. He stays in that position as he yanks Sousuke closer by the drawstring. Sousuke opens his mouth but he loses his voice when Rin gropes between his legs, feeling out the long outline of his dick. Rin pulls his sweatpants down just enough to peek at Sousuke’s naked cock and an impatient noise rattles in Rin’s throat. _“Fuck.”_ His hips stir up a restless rhythm. “You’re always huge in the morning.”  
  
“I wasn’t last night?”  
  
Rin gives him a flat look like he really doesn’t have time for the cheekiness even though he’s casually pumping Sousuke’s dick. Rin smirks. “Bet I can make it bigger.”  
  
Staying upside down, Rin takes Sousuke’s cock out to slurp it into his mouth and Sousuke almost faints. “Rin, you – _shit…”_ He braces a hand on the bed, heat blasting up his thighs. His mind narrows down to a singular baseline as tension hardens his gut.  
  
Rin pulls him out of his mouth with an explosive breath, his cock _slick_ as it comes out. Strings of moisture hang between Rin’s lips and the fat shaft. He glides a fist around Sousuke’s cock to wet it with hot saliva, rolling the velvety foreskin up and down before swallowing him again.  
  
_“Fuck –!”_ Sousuke fists the sheets, his voice spewing out weakly. “God.” He rolls his hips to work down Rin’s throat, sinking into the hot wetness that tightens around him. He watches the shape of his cock bulge in Rin’s throat and Sousuke pushes a thumb against the outline; Rin gags, his hips fucking up into nothing.  
  
Messy and drooling, he slides his tongue across Sousuke’s shaft, Rin’s piercing bumping against swelled veins. Nerves light up, every hair trembling on Sousuke’s body. He reaches down to squeeze hard between Rin’s legs and Rin’s thighs fall open wide like he’s about to die for it.  
  
Embracing defeat, Sousuke pulls out of his mouth and grabs Rin’s ankle to twist him around. Rin pulls the sheets away to reveal that he’s only wearing Sousuke’s dog tags and a smirk. He spreads his thighs like he’s got all the power in the world between his legs, letting Sousuke see how wet and pink and ready he is from last night. When he reaches down to spread himself for Sousuke’s gaze, cum is still drooling from his entrance.  
  
Sousuke’s cock jolts as Rin fingers himself wide, working Sousuke’s cum deeper with a filthy whine. “I want more.”  
  
His gaze climbs Rin’s body to meet his eyes and being late doesn’t matter when Rin fists Sousuke’s hair to bury his face between his thighs. There’s nothing more than how Rin claws him closer as Sousuke makes a home of his body, and heaven itself cannot compare to the way that the air is so soft afterwards, when they’re breathless and sweat makes them shine as the sheets hang all around them like ghosts.  
  
The morning is quiet and still and perfect in Rin’s arms. Safety, like all luxuries, might just have its perks.    

* * *

After their rushed shower, they hide smirks behind mugs of black coffee at breakfast, brushing hands to grab toast with teasing feet beneath the table. They mumble about their schedules and Rin cusses his complaints so nastily, but Sousuke chuckles with nothing short of affection. The local news drones from the tiny flat screen on the kitchen counter; Sousuke flips through the paper and listens to Rin pattering around as he makes everyone’s lunches. LoFi plays from Gou’s room as she gets ready, filling the house with the headache-inducing smells of hairspray and flowery body mist.  
  
Soon enough, everyone busts into a flurry to rush out the door, but this type of chaos still makes Sousuke’s heart warm because it’s so domestic and familiar. He heaves his gun belt over his shoulder and gets Echo into her police vest; Rin shrugs on his leather jacket and grabs his bike helmet just as Gou slides out of her room, hopping to lace up one of her pink Converse.  
  
Sousuke fills Winnie’s food bowl before locking the house and Gou is already in the squad car, scrolling through her phone. Rin stands in the driveway and watches her with crossed arms, his hip canted out. Sousuke wanders over to sling an arm around his shoulder with a knowing grin, though his voice is sympathetic. “She say bye to you?”  
  
“Course not.” Rin arches a pierced brow. “Her head’s gonna explode when she realizes that we had to cut down our data plan. She’ll fly through eight gigs in like, two days.” He sighs and tucks a hand Sousuke’s back pocket as they watch Echo nose around the yard, following the scent of Gou’s cat to under the porch. Echo barks at Poseidon and he lazily slinks into the daylight with a luxurious stretch, then Echo gives chase. Sousuke and Rin don’t reprimand their pets’ antics because it’s useless at this point; they just try to keep them out of the road.  
  
Sousuke nods back at the squad car. “Her mood might have something to do with Hayato.”  
  
“They’re thirteen,” Rin scoffs. “You can’t actually be in a real relationship and ‘break up’ when you’re thirteen.”  
  
“Play along,” Sousuke smiles, nudging his hip. “It probably still sucks by middle school standards.”  
  
Rin huffs his bangs out of his face. “Yeah, well.” He sweeps his thumb over Sousuke’s back pocket, thinking. “Maybe. Just get her a big coffee this morning, that’ll probably help.”  
  
“It’s called a venti, actually.”  
  
“You’re so cute when you pretend to be civilized,” Rin coos, grabbing his ass to jostle it. His shoulders dance. “I just wanna put you in my pocket.”  
  
They both turn at a ruckus in the next yard over and notice Makoto buried in his truck engine. Haru’s holding the hood up for him, barefoot in his pajama sweats and looking unimpressed. He’s unsaturated in comparison to the colorful life that surrounds him; he stands as a living palette of monochrome: black hair, black tattoos with wintery paleness and the occasional red scar. His eyes have always been his most haunting feature, even when he’s relatively fine in the moment.   
  
Rin startles a laugh at the couple’s predicament. “Yo.”  
  
Makoto thunks his head on the way to stand up. Haru gives a long-suffering sigh and nods in greeting. “Hey. Makoto’s truck won’t start.”  
  
Makoto flails his hands with a nervous laugh. “Ah! It’s probably nothing –”  
  
“It’s the transmission,” Haru drones over him. “It’s _been_ the transmission for three weeks now.”  
  
Makoto throws him a pout and Rin says, “How’re you gonna get to work, Mako?”  
  
He grimaces, kneading the straps of his backpack. “I called Nagisa but he’s already at the elementary school.” He sighs, fiddling with his phone. “Maybe I should try Kisumi –”  
  
“No, he stayed with Asahi over the weekend,” Haru mumbles. “So, he’s all the way across town.”  
  
Sousuke glances between Makoto and Rin’s bike with glorious inspiration. “Just let Rin drop you off.” He smirks as he says it because he knew that Makoto would blanch, mortified with panic.

Makoto stammers for an excuse. “That’s – it’s not. You don’t have to do that, Rin.”  
  
“I don’t mind,” Rin grins, tossing Makoto another bike helmet. Makoto catches it in a stupor.  
  
“I mean, I don’t –” His tragic flaw is that he’d rather die than say something negative, and it’s a little too sweet and ridiculous that he’s worried he’ll offended Rin if he admits that he would literally rather hopscotch through a landmine than take his chances on a motorbike.  
  
Haru nudges him forward. “You’ll survive Monday morning traffic; Rin’s kept his bike in a single lane during shootouts.”  
  
“Don’t just _tell me that_ in broad daylight –!” Makoto narrows his eyes at Sousuke. “Why can’t I ride with you? You’ve got a whole backseat.”  
  
“That’s Echo’s seat,” Sousuke says as the dog hops through the back window to sprawl across the cab. He lifts his brows at Makoto pointedly and Makoto almost stomps his foot.  
  
“Fine,” he sighs in acceptance. Makoto squeezes Haru’s hand, fingers swallowing him right up. “You’ll be all right today?”  
  
“Yeah.” He turns his face for Makoto to kiss his cheek. “I’ll probably call Natsuya and see if he can find any parts in the junkyard for the truck.” He rakes a hand through his hair as he glances under the hood. “We can’t take it into the shop until your disability check comes through at the end of the month, so maybe Natsuya will be able to find something before then.”  
  
“Don’t stress yourself out over it,” Makoto begs, adjusting the flannel Haru threw on over his t-shirt. “We’ll figure something out. Just try and relax today.” His thumb circles the fresh bandage on the inside of Haru’s elbow.  
  
Haru flashes a brief smile, endearment softening his face. “I’ll be fine. Come home if your back starts hurting again.”  
  
“I don’t have a car right now, Haruka.”  
  
“I’ll walk you home, then.”  
  
Makoto sways their joined hands, preening with coyness. “You’ll protect me?”  
  
“Every time.” He leans up on his toes to peck Makoto’s lips and throws everyone a lazy wave on his way back into the house.  
  
Rin pats Sousuke’s ass in a parting gesture before saying, “Oh hey, don’t forget that we’re meeting Aki at the foster center today at two for orientation.”  
  
Sousuke draws a blank. “Huh?”  
  
His husband doesn’t have an outward response, but tension sharpens in the air. “We’re supposed to submit our adoption application. I have our proof of address, but you need to bring a pay stub. Remember?” Slowly, he lifts his brows like he’s pleading for Sousuke to regard these tasks as vital. “I mentioned it on Saturday.”  
  
“Oh.” He doesn’t remember that, but he nods as placatingly as he can. “Right, yeah, I’ll – I’ll be there.”  
  
“… okay.” Rin clearly doesn’t believe him and Sousuke’s going to have to prove it.  
  
Makoto approaches Rin’s bike, holding the helmet to his chest like a shield. He whines, “Sousuke, can’t you just tell Echo to move –”  
  
“No,” he sighs with feigned regret that Makoto sees right through.  
  
“God, you’re a –”  
  
The squad car’s passenger door flies open and Gou stumbles out, thrusting her phone. “Why can’t I connect to the Internet?”  
  
Makoto blinks, Sousuke stares, and Rin gives his husband a flat look of _told you so.  
  
_Sousuke says, “Um –”  
  
“I literally can’t even send a message, nothing’s loading on Instagram.” Gou’s voice is rising with shrill panic.  
  
“Yeah, about that.” He looks to Rin so he can explain it, but he’s already started the bike and pretends like he can’t hear Sousuke over the engine. He revs it louder when Sousuke raises his voice.  
  
The bike sails onto the road with Makoto’s wails muffled behind his helmet and Sousuke’s left standing in the driveway with Gou a shake away from a breakdown. He sighs, preparing himself for a long drive to the school, knowing that he’ll have to scramble up the change to add at least two muffins to Gou’s usual Starbucks order so that he can placate this data situation (translated: the end of the world).

* * *

Rin gets Makoto to the elementary school in half the usual time; Makoto’s nauseous and dizzy when he wobbles off the bike, but he’s appreciative enough to offer Rin some coffee before the school day starts.  
  
Iwatobi Academy thrives with noise, the hallways bustling with lines of children as teachers herd them into their classrooms. Nagisa’s already wearing his bandana and apron for art class and Kisumi is frustratingly put-together in the chaos, sipping on a detox smoothie with his pastel linens iron and pressed.  
  
Rin and Makoto escape to the teacher’s lounge, a poorly-lit room with bland couches and a gurgling refrigerator. They stand in the glow of the soda machine and Rin gasps at the little jewelry box that Makoto opens for him. “Damn,” he breathes, taking the box to turn it this way and that. “It turned out so good, holy shit.”  
  
“I hope he likes it,” Makoto whispers, though they’re the only ones around. He wrings his hands together and Rin smiles at seeing such a towering man diminished to a puddle of nerves by none other than Haruka Nanase. Makoto says, “He never wears rings, so I had no idea what kind he would want.”  
  
“He’ll love it.” Rin takes the band out to stack it on top of his own wedding ring. “We wear the same size, so this should fit him.”  
  
“Good.” Makoto sags with a disbelieving laugh. “This all just might work out.”  
  
Rin nestles the ring back into its cushion and hands the box over, squeezing Makoto’s forearm. “You’ve been wanting to ask him to marry you for three fuckin’ years.” He smirks. “I know good and damn well that he would’ve said yes as soon as he got out of the hospital when he was shot.”  
  
“I couldn’t have asked him then.” Makoto winces and shakes his head at the thought. “I know it’s been years, but… it’s like, I’m still scared that something’s going to happen and he’ll…”  
  
Rin sobers up grimly. “Go back to all of that.” He takes a drink of syrupy coffee from his Styrofoam cup. “Seems like Sousuke’s afraid of change, too.” He says it vaguely but with obvious pettiness.  
  
Makoto pockets his hands with a grin. “Well, they _are_ brothers. Guess it just took some time for the similarities to show.” He adjusts his weight onto the other hip, and Rin glances down at his right leg but Makoto nods in subtle reassurance that his prosthetic is fine.  
  
Rin rakes his windblown hair out of his face with a grin. “When are you gonna ask Haru?”  
  
“Ah, I was thinking about Gou’s going-away party in a few months? Maybe then he won’t be expecting it.” He rubs his arm self-consciously, going wide eyed. “Maybe he _should_ be expecting it, you know he doesn’t like surprises –”  
  
“He can get the hell over it, romance is more important.”  
  
Makoto chuckles before sobering up. “How have you felt, you know, about Gou leaving? Haru’s been worried about it.”  
  
Rin doesn’t respond in favor of closing off his throat to hold back the lump. His chest sinks with awful pressure but he manages a smile. “I’m… scared shitless.” Makoto nods and Rin’s so thankful that he’s found a friend who can just accept how intense his emotions are. Rin wipes his eyes with a hard sniffle. “But she’s smart, I think she’ll be okay. I know she will, and it’s an all-girls school with lots of police around. I just don’t like that the school is a plane ride away.”  
  
“Mm.” Makoto takes a thoughtful moment. “Yeah, but I think it’ll do her some good to see what’s outside of Iwatobi.” He lifts his brows in disbelief. “Haruka’s never even been out of the city.”  
  
“Yeah, most of us haven’t.” Rin blots his damp face with the back of his hand. “Me and Gou weren’t born here but our experience before was, well. Shitty to say the least. So maybe this will be a nice experience for her.” He gives a watery smile. “She’s actually happy about a baby coming into the family; she said she always wanted a younger sibling.” He snorts. “I think she’s relieved that I’ll have someone else to worry about while she’s gone.”

Makoto beams. “I can’t wait to hear about what happens at the foster center, you’ve been so excited about it.”  
  
It’s true, he’s spoke of nothing else over wine at book club, while Rin and Makoto’s respective partners are back at home with beer and free to purge their own relational complaints. “Sousuke was more excited when he first agreed to a baby, but now.” He rolls his lips like he’s tasting something sour. “He’s just taking so long to get that bedroom finished and I’m too nervous to really get on his ass about it.”  
  
Makoto rubs the back of his neck in sheepish apology. “That’s half my fault, you know. My back’s been giving me so much trouble, I wish I could have helped out last weekend.”  
  
“Don’t even, that’s not your fault.” Rin ties his hair back and props his helmet on his thigh. “Maybe this’ll all get better after today. Might finally make it feel real.”  
  
“It will,” Makoto promises. “Good things are coming.” He says it with a sideways glance like he’s trying to convince himself to believe his own words. “You two are adopting a baby, and either Haruka and I are getting engaged or I’m letting the rejection take me and I’m leaving for the wilderness to live like a hobbit. It’ll be great, either way.”  
  
“Stop,” Rin chuckles, shoving him on their way out the door. “Ain’t no Nanase or Yamazaki a match for our charm. Everything will work out like you said it would.”  
  
Makoto shudders all at once. “God, please don’t let Haruka want a beach wedding.”  
  
“Compromise.”  
  
“No.” 

* * *

Sousuke gets off work and drives from downtown, the highway branching off into residential streets. The economic change runs up on him fast – exit signs are crooked and messy with graffiti. He looks out the windshield to view the artwork with dread, checking for any animal symbols that would indicate an area of the city is claimed by a group.  
  
Iwatobi’s gangs went dormant after the fall of Freebird and Diamond Back; Rough Rabbit and Honeyblade left the street war and the Bloodhounds are focused on their journey to economic recovery. Still, Sousuke always looks for promises of a resurrection when he goes to parts like these.  
  
He drives through Iwatobi’s slums and the streets fall dead quiet as his police car weaves through. Some houses are half burned down; there are no windows intact and no mailboxes. He can tell where the old people reside due to certain homes that have trimmed lawns and colorful window planters, even though the houses themselves are falling apart. These elders are set in their ways of making the best of their situation and one redeeming quality about neighborhoods like this is that most kids here don’t have parental figures, so the old people tend to take in hordes of broken children for homecooked meals, and that gives criminals someone to love – someone to cry over them when Sousuke finds a young body and goes door to door looking for parents that aren’t there.  
  
He sees teenagers loitering on the sidewalks instead of school desks; he notices two boys with a girl. The males’ hair are varying shades of brown while hers is blue like a bruise. They go rigid when Sousuke’s police car approaches and they slip into an alleyway though they weren’t doing anything but sitting. The distrust and _fear_ are so evident as they hide in the shadows, and the weight of the world crashes down on Sousuke because he still has so much work to do in order to fix this broken thing called Iwatobi.  
  
The foster center is too close to the slums for comfort and Sousuke isn’t surprised that the building looks more like an abandoned factory rather than a welcoming institution. He finds Rin in the washed-out parking lot, standing by his bike and looking more than a little strained. Sousuke braces himself as he steps out of his car, shuffling his feet because he doesn’t know what else to do. “How long have you been waiting?”  
  
Rin shrugs, keeping his arms crossed. “I got here early.”    
  
Rin’s scared – he is so scared that Sousuke hates himself for it. He tries for a smile. “I brought a pay stub. And um, I got a letter of recommendation from some superiors, just in case.” He holds out the envelope as a peace offering.  
  
Rin’s arms fall slack at that. He takes the envelop and Sousuke dares to embrace him. Rin husks a chuckle, hiding a sniffle against Sousuke’s chest. “Thanks,” he whispers. Rin buries a secret against Sousuke’s throat. “I really need this to work out, Sousuke.”  
  
“It will,” he vows, kissing his forehead before they make their way up the foreboding staircase. He cranes his head back at the building. “This looks like some creepy mental hospital.”  
  
Rin snorts, lacing their fingers together as they walk. “That’s because it was.” His makes sure nobody is around to hear them other than dead leaves. “Back in the 1800s, the leader of Diamond Back got into experimentation. He built this place and did all sorts of crazy shit to animals and people in there.”  
  
“Tell me you’re fucking with me.”  
  
“After everything we’ve been through, you really think _that’s_ the lie?”  
  
“… fair enough.”  
  
Rin gives a teasing smile. “Gou told me that when she stayed here, she always heard a woman crying in the playground at night –”  
  
“Stop, stop it.” Sousuke nudges him with a pout and Rin cackles with all his teeth. They creak open the double doors and a shudder works down Sousuke’s arms. “If that’s true, then why the hell are they keeping kids in here?”  
  
Rin shrugs, sobering up. “Nowhere else in Iwatobi to do it.”  
  
The entryway sprawls with 70s tilework from a cheap remodel job – grimy pink. The air is stale, and it doesn’t seem like the air conditioner is working. There’s a line of narrow windows on both walls, revealing the offices of social workers and representatives from other adoption agencies. It looks like their resources are spread thin in every possible way; there’s nobody at the cluttered receptionist’s desk, where dusty paperwork is stacked in towers.  
  
Rin and Sousuke wander around until someone can tell them how to find Aki’s office, since she has a part-time gig here corresponding with the foster center as a representative from Iwatobi’s sole rehabilitation center. She and many other ex-members of Freebird work at the rehab, but Aki focuses in women and children’s service as a social worker – she works with the police department when she finds a runaway, and sometimes she makes the gut-wrenching decision of bringing a minor to this building when their parents just don’t know how to raise them.  
  
Today, Aki looks hopeful as she embraces Sousuke and Rin. Her voice is an excited whisper amongst the grim murmurs from the other offices. “How are you guys?”  
  
“Good,” Rin says, leaning out of her embrace to grin at her belly. “You’re about to pop.”  
  
She swats him with her file and leads them to a rickety elevator. “Third trimester will do that to you,” she sighs, penguin-wobbling more than walking. The three of them squish into the elevator and it jars before groaning to the next floor. Aki fans herself with her paperwork file, looking miserably swollen and flushed, though she smiles as she rubs her belly. “He doesn’t like elevators.”  
  
Rin breathes, “Really?” Sousuke looks at her stomach and tries to keep the disturbance off his face.  
  
“Yeah,” Aki chuckles, patting her tummy as if to soothe it. “I think they confuse him, or he thinks someone’s shaking me.”  
  
“That’s actually kind of sweet,” Rin says. Sousuke keeps his weirded-out expression on the floor.  
  
Aki presses curious fingers to her side. “He hasn’t kicked much these last few days. That’s supposed to mean he’s coming soon.” Her bangs cling to her forehead before she drags them back. “I hope he doesn’t come early like the twins did. My water broke in church and Seijuro cussed up a storm.” She grimaces at the memory. “We had to switch churches after that.”  
  
The elevator doors creak open and they step into a room with tall windows that give a view of the bleak playground below. Toys clutter the racetrack rugs and there’s minature house set-ups against the walls. It all makes Sousuke prickle with anxiousness, not because he doesn’t want this but because he knows that his life is about to change forever – that’s unnerving even when it’s for a good reason.  
  
He sits down with Rin and Aki at a children’s table with bite-sized chairs. Sousuke feels light-headed but he’s relieved when he notices that Rin is bobbing his ankle under the table. Sousuke isn’t the only nervous one.  
  
Aki writes down their information, taking Sousuke’s pay stub from the police department and Rin’s as the owner of Samezuka. She writes down social security numbers and takes notes from their marriage certificate.  
  
Sousuke and Rin don’t talk throughout the entire process and Aki notices. Her pen pauses with a knowing smile. “It’s okay. Nothing’s going to happen today; you’re just taking the first step in a _long_ road of preparations.” She goes back to writing and continues speaking. “You’ll both have to complete what we call pre-service training; they’re non-negotiable classes. They’ll give you the opportunity to learn about what the child has been through, and it’ll help you learn how to integrate them into your family. _And_ you’ll get to meet other families that are also going through the process.”  
  
“Sounds good,” Rin says without falter. Sousuke’s worried how much time he’ll have to take off work for these “sessions,” but he supposes that none of them – him and Rin nor the child – should be going into this blindly. He dreads having to socialize with other families, though. He’s awkward enough at dinners with his own birth mother.  
  
“Rei and Nagisa come to the training sessions to offer advice, sometimes,” Aki adds. “They adopted Chigusa from here.” She shrugs. “I know Chigusa is a teenager and you’re wanting younger, but the paperwork is pretty much the same, so I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to help you through it.” She spreads out another folder and Sousuke tenses at the shift in the air. “This is the part where I interview the both of you. The questions aren’t horribly invasive, but I need you both to be honest, okay? For your sake and the child’s. Don’t hold back any concerns; you’re more than welcome to ask me any questions.”  
  
Sousuke pretends that he doesn’t feel sweat lay over his back as Aki says, “So, what made you want to adopt in the first place?”  
  
Rin answers. “I’ve always wanted to. I wouldn’t trade raising Gou for anything, but I’ve always wanted my own kid.” He looks down at his hands, wrings them together. “I didn’t have my dad for very long, but the time I did have with him was the best part of my life. I want to try and provide that kind of love for my own kid.” Sousuke rubs Rin’s knee under the table with a comforting squeeze.  
  
“I understand,” she smiles, scribbling his response. “What about you, Sousuke?”  
  
He takes a deep breath. “Ah, well.” His hand rubs over the back of his neck a few times. “I grew up in foster care and it was…” He struggles to put such an experience to words, forcing buried memories to the surface. “Tiring,” he sighs, giving a weak nod. “Really tiring. I wasn’t taken from my mom until I was a little older but being in the system in general is really stressful.”  
  
Rin laces their fingers together and it gives him the strength to continue. “It kind of felt like I was in a circus, as weird as that sounds. Just going from place to place, having to put on a show for all these different families. They weren’t bad people, but I didn’t have the time to get comfortable with anyone before I’d get sent away again.”  
  
Aki asks, “Why do you think that was?”  
  
His expression flattens sheepishly. “I was bad. Frustrated with the situation. Like I said, being in the system is stressful, so I’d just act out to get people to leave me alone. There _were_ families that tried to give me stability, but I had – I guess, been without it for so long that I didn’t trust it. Or want it. I never got adopted out, and…” He swallows. “I _know_ that damaged me. It made it really hard to connect with people on that level, like when the Tachibanas took me in after the military, or even when I married Rin.” He shrugs. “How I grew up wasn’t fair. I don’t want a kid to go through that.”  
  
His words feel lame but his genuinity seems to have shined through, since Aki smiles warmly and Rin kisses his cheek.   
  
Aki asks them a few more questions, ones that are (thankfully) easier to answer, then she guides them through how the rest of the procedures will go. “If you want a little tip on how to make the process faster, I’d recommend you get a license to foster even though you’re interested in adopting. We might be able to make something happen quicker if you foster the child in your home for a few months and things go well. Since I’m your social worker for this case, I’ll be doing your home check, first without the child and then one with them, to see how they’re adapting. Gou will have to come to the foster center to meet them even though she’ll be leaving for that academy soon.” Aki shrugs. “The child will be around longer than Gou’s in school, anyway.”  
  
Sousuke’s stomach ties in knots and they don’t untangle. He can’t believe how much pressure is promised in a mere statement such as that.  
  
“You’ll need to bring Echo to the foster center eventually, Sousuke,” Aki says. “Winnie, too. It’s just standard procedure to see how the animals will react to the child.”  
  
“That won’t be a problem,” he assures. He’s surprised his voice doesn’t crack.  
  
“Now for the fun part,” she smiles, turning to another folder. “Rin, you said you’d prefer a baby?”  
  
He snaps out of his dazed trance from so much information. “Uh, yeah. That’d be nice.” Nervously, he glances at Sousuke, who nods and squeezes his hand.  
  
“Does the sex matter to either of you?”  
  
Sousuke hadn’t thought that far ahead, so he shakes his head. Rin worries his lip, mumbling, “I guess I have more experiences with girls, since I raised Gou, but I don’t personally care. I’d be happy with whatever.”  
  
Endearment swells in Sousuke’s heart and he can’t help but smile at him, soft and private. Rin’s answering smile trembles but it’s there.  
  
Aki looks over their paperwork like a plan is forming in her mind. Her lips part as her eyes dart through the file, and she looks up like something just clicked. “Do you –” She hesitates. “How do you feel about a child with special needs?”  
  
Rin looks at Sousuke, who straightens up and tries to answer. “Um...” They haven’t even talked about something like that, so he gives an honest shrug. “If that’s the only option, then…” He chews the inside of his cheek, forcing himself to think ahead years and years, to the end of his life. He pictures a child affecting each decision of every day; he thinks of paying for medical bills amongst the other expenses that come with raising a child. All the more patience, all the more time that simple tasks would take.    
  
He can’t find displeasure anywhere in his heart. It wouldn’t be fair to deny a child love due to something they can’t control. “I wouldn’t mind it,” Sousuke answers.  
  
Rin doesn’t say anything, but it looks like he just fell in love with Sousuke all over again.  
  
“I think we could do it,” Sousuke confirms. “But we work a lot. I don’t know how much of that we could change.”  
  
“I can quit work,” Rin rushes. “I’ll sell the club if I need to.”  
  
Sousuke shouldn’t be surprised by that, and he hates himself for not previously realizing Rin’s true dedication to loving a child.  
  
“I don’t think that would be necessary,” Aki says. “She’ll need a good chunk of time to bond with the both of you, but I don’t see either of you needing to quit your jobs in the long run.”  
  
Sousuke and Rin share a glance. “’She’?”  
  
Aki smiles sadly. “You remember Ookami, don’t you?”

 Sousuke hasn’t heard that name in so long that surrealism leaves him dazed. “The leader of the Bloodhounds?” Rin looks just as lost.  
  
“Yeah,” she nods. “Ookami had a baby before she died.” Aki swallows, breath rising with hope. “Namiko.”  
  
Rin reels. “Ookami had a baby while she was living out in the woods?”   
  
“There wasn’t much else she could do in her circumstance. Namiko’s three now.” She smooths nervous fingers over their paperwork. “I know that’s a little older than what you were wanting, but mentally, she’s… having some set-backs. Namiko was a few months old when Ookami died, so she was still breastfeeding. I don’t know if there weren’t any other mothers breastfeeding or if the Bloodhounds were just too distressed to take care of her, but she was severely malnourished.”  
  
A shadow haunts her face. “The system didn’t do a good job of taking care of her either at first, but there were a lot of babies that came from the outskirts once the city started helping the Bloodhounds. The families that have taken Namiko before –” Sousuke bristles. “— they didn’t understand how much patience she requires because Namiko was never socialized as a baby like she was supposed to be. That’s not Ookami’s fault, I know she was just trying to keep her daughter alive, but it’s an issue now.”  
  
Cautiously, Rin ventures, “What’s wrong with her?”  
  
“She gets sick easily because her immune system is shot,” Aki says, listing it off her ring finger, moving to her other digits as she thinks. “She doesn’t respond to social cues, she doesn’t know half the words that children her age are using. Namiko doesn’t play well with other kids. _At all.”_ Aki hesitates. “Some caretakers have tried to call her feral, but that’s not an accurate term, I don’t think. She can speak – a little,” she adds with a cough. “She can walk, and she _can_ learn.” Her voice firms. “I know that she has the potential to get better; Namiko is simply developing slower than average because nobody wants to adopt her when there’s other kids that won’t be as much trouble.”  
  
Sousuke’s brain struggles to wrap around so much dire information. He can’t even remember how to form a coherent sentence as heaviness sinks deep in his throat, but Rin address Aki. “Why do you think we’d be good for her?”  
  
She smiles. “Nami is an extreme situation and both of you thrive when you take on things like that.” Aki regards them carefully. “You don’t have to make a decision right now, but do you want to see her? We can just see if she responds to you.”  
  
Rin’s eyes question Sousuke and he considers before nodding, numb with anticipation.  
  
Aki leaves them to go find an associate that can “help her” with Namiko, which is all kinds of ominous. Rin turns in his little chair to face Sousuke, taking both of his hands in concern. “How do you feel about this?” Rin already looks defeated but not like Sousuke is causing that pain – he realizes that this is so much, possibly too much, to ask of someone.  
  
“I don’t know.” He props his knees on his elbows, feeling haggard. “We’ll just have to see what she thinks of us. I think it might be better that way, if we let her decide.”  
  
Rin’s eyes swim in distress. “What if she’s not even mentally coherent enough to know what she wants? She’s only three, then there’s everything else wrong with her.”  
  
Sousuke considers before shrugging. “Even animals know where they want to be. They know when they’re in danger and if we can prove to her that she’s safe, maybe she’ll give us a chance.” Rin bows miserably and Sousuke kisses his hair. “Just don’t panic if she doesn’t respond yet. All right? You’re perfect.”  
  
They know she’s coming when they hear screaming down the hallway.  
  
Slowly, Rin and Sousuke look at each other and bristle. It’s not like a baby weeping, it’s not a toddler whining, it’s full-blown _roaring_ with kicks against walls. Tears don’t come with such growls – this isn’t crying, this is visceral fear that the child has no other way to express.  
  
A woman shoulders open the door, struggling to keep something from wrestling out of her arms. Sousuke can’t make out features – nothing but shockingly white hair, white teeth flashing as Namiko tries to bite the woman. She lowers her to the floor and Namiko shoots into the corner, back against the wall. She reeks of fear-sweat as she huffs for breath. The woman yells as she reprimands her but Namiko shouts louder, screaming and screaming until the woman stomps out. Namiko falls silent in an instant.  
  
In that moment, Sousuke knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is going to be a disaster.  
  
Both he and Rin are motionless as Aki stands by the door, watching Namiko grimly. She glances at the couple in apology before sighing. “Nami.” Her voice lightens. “Do you want to play?”  
  
Namiko’s unruly brows scrunch in anger before Aki nods at the children’s kitchenette by Sousuke and Rin. The girl scrambles harder against the wall, sweaty bare feet gliding over the floor, but Aki gently shakes her head. “I’m not going to carry you.” She holds a hand out and waits with an encouraging coo. “Come on, let’s go play.”  
  
Namiko sits back on her haunches to consider. Her wild eyes look so _tired,_ Sousuke thinks – swollen with bags and crusty from fitful sleep. He can’t imagine how exhausting it is to feel like you have to fight at every waking moment.  
  
No, he _does_ know how that feels, and his heart breaks.  
  
Namiko creeps over to Aki to warily take her hand. “Good girl, such a sweet girl.” Aki praises her in exaggerations as she leads the child over to the toys, and Sousuke _almost_ relaxes until Namiko’s eyes pierce him and Rin.  
  
Neither of them moves. They don’t even breathe. Being looked at her is – startling, Sousuke thinks. Her eyes are a perfect contrast to her hair, blue like night in the forest. She’s definitely from the outskirts with those eyes. She has a dark complexion, blotched from where she’s scratched herself. Her bare feet are pigeon-toed, and her hands would look normal if not for the dirt lodged in her overgrown fingernails. She has an adorably round tummy that’s not proportioned with the rest of her body.  
  
It’s the look in her eyes that shocks Sousuke more than anything else. Her expression is so hard, like she’s ready to protect herself at all costs, against any threat – whether they’re as big as Sousuke or not. How could the world teach her that was how she needed to live? Why hasn’t anyone taught her that it’s not her responsibly, that her only job as a child is to be loved?  
  
Sousuke wants to be that person and the realization happens all at once. His heart changes in that moment, promising to never be the same again; it’s a light that will never die, a bell that cannot be unrung. More than anything else in the world, Sousuke wants to hold this child and never give anyone the opportunity to scare her.  
  
He can hear it in Rin’s breathing when his heart changes, too.  
  
Namiko gives them both a once-over, _sizing them up._ “It’s okay,” Aki coos. “They’re my friends. Let’s go over here and play.”  
  
The girl glances up at her before looking at Sousuke and Rin for another full minute. When they don’t move to corner her, she walks over to the kitchenette but doesn’t take her eyes off them. Aki sits down beside her and turns the girl’s attention to the toys, and eventually, Namiko looks away.  
  
Sousuke’s confounded as they watch her. Namiko doesn’t make a sound as Aki tries to amuse her with games, but the girl seems to like twisting the knobs on the toy oven. “She’s so cute,” Rin whispers, hugging his arms around Sousuke’s bicep in distress. “Oh god, she’s so cute, Sousuke. I’m gonna die.”   
  
“Yeah,” he chuckles quietly.  
  
They lose track of how long they stay, but the sunrays burn with evening’s amber and Sousuke props his cheek on top of Rin’s hair, drowsy. Neither of them mind; they don’t want to leave. Sousuke can’t remember when he was so content, and he can’t explain why – he doesn’t care to.  
  
Aki sits back on her haunches and braces her hands on her hips to stretch her back. Namiko pokes her belly and Aki giggles. “What are you doing, silly girl?”  
  
Namiko pats her stomach again and Aki lifts her brows. “Huh? You have to say it.”  
  
The girl’s face scrunches up in concentration as her gaze narrows on Aki’s belly.  
  
A voice, deep and soft, echoes through the room. _“Bay… bee.”_    
  
Sousuke’s heart stops. Rin inhales sharply.  
  
“Baby,” Aki smiles, folding her hand over Namiko’s on her stomach. “Yes, that’s right. He’s sleeping right now, so he can’t kick you today.” Namiko pats the woman’s belly like she’s trying to wake him up and Aki sings a laugh. “He can’t feel that yet, Nami-chan. You’ll get to see him soon.” She hands the girl a plastic apple and leans closer with a playful whisper. “Why don’t you give Rin your apple?”  
  
Emotionlessly, Namiko looks back at Sousuke and Rin. The woman nods over at them. “It’s okay, just go hand it to him. He’s really nice,” she encourages.  
  
Namiko thinks about it for a minute before rising to a stand. Cautiously, she takes a few steps forward, her gaze daring the couple to so much as flinch. Then she stops and so does Sousuke’s pulse.  
  
Namiko looks back at Aki, mumbling, “Pink?”  
  
Confusion swarms the adults in the room. Aki frowns, gaze darting from the couple to the girl before she laughs in delight. “Oh, _pink!_ Yes, Rin is the one with pink hair, you smart girl.”  
  
If Sousuke wasn’t sure that Rin would throw himself in front of a bus for Namiko, he’s absolutely positive now.  
  
Namiko creeps over, each step feeling like a mile. Numbly, Rin lowers his hand and opens his fingers. He and Sousuke wait anxiously as Namiko slowly nestles it into Rin’s palm.  
  
He smiles like it’s the best gift in the world. “Thank you.” He keeps his voice quiet, not loud enough to spook her.  
  
Indifferent, Namiko moves to turn away before she properly _looks_ at his skin. She shoots out to grab his hand and flip it over. Her burst of movement almost sends Rin into stroke territory, but the wonder in her eyes makes time itself stop. Namiko jostles his hand. “Draw’d?!”  
  
Rin blinks in frantic confusion before Sousuke startles a grin. “She thinks you drew your tattoos.”  
  
“Oh. Oh god.” Rin needs to catch his breath, she’s so sweet. “No, they’re –” He frowns to himself. “Well. I guess someone _technically_ drew them.”    
  
She pokes at the inked blade tucked under the knuckle of his pointer finger, then Namiko roughly pushes up Rin’s sleeve to gasp at the rest of his arm. Dazzled, she traces the shark jaw opened around Rin’s elbow. She seems mystified by every piece, not afraid of the knife on his forearm; the word BABY trails down the blade’s side in Old English font.  
  
Rin smiles as she turns his arm this way and that. “Do you like them?”  
  
Namiko nods shyly and glances at Sousuke’s bare forearms. He chuckles, keeping his voice soft. “I don’t have any here.” He only has Rin’s glock tattooed over his heart.  
  
She still finds something to touch, flattening her palm over wrinkled burns – Sousuke got those scars on the night he got shot with Haru. She runs her hand over the ugly texture like she’s trying to soothe it and whispers, “Ouchie?”  
  
“Ah. Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.”  
  
Namiko flips her own arm over to show a nasty rash where she’s scratched herself, and Sousuke chooses his words carefully. “Does it hurt?”  
  
She shrugs but eventually nods. Sousuke considers for a moment before gently patting her arm like she did his; he just pats a few times since that seems like a comfort she understands.  
  
Namiko blinks when he takes his hand back, staring at where he touched her, and she gives him a little smile like she’s unfamiliar with wearing such an expression, but she’s trying.  
  
Sousuke’s heart doesn’t beat the same after that, once Aki takes her away to get ready for bed with all the other children. He and Rin sit in the play room alone in the darkening day and Rin says, “I want her, Sousuke. I want her to be ours.”  
  
Sousuke’s still in disbelief from the turn of events – from how drastically everything about himself changed in so little time.  
  
Yet he has no hesitation in nodding. “I do, too.”

* * *

That night in bed, Rin turns over and says, “You did really good today.”  
  
Sousuke blinks up from the book he was reading about the history of tomahawks. Rin looks flustered with his own earnestness, though he doesn’t stop himself from cupping Sousuke’s cheek. “It just – really meant a lot to me.”  
  
He’s taken aback before he smiles. “Yeah, I know.” He drops his book on the nightstand in favor of drawing Rin close. Their bodies meld between the sheets and Sousuke admires how the lamplight softens Rin’s features. He traces the scar that hikes up Rin’s brow, runs his thumb across the one that tugs the edge of his lip into a forever frown. “I want this, too,” Sousuke admits like a secret. “I’m just shit at showing it.”  
  
Rin rolls his eyes and stretches his arms around Sousuke’s neck with a languid sigh. He presses a kiss against the scar on Sousuke’s throat, keeping his lips there as he whispers, “Did you know that my favorite part about all of this is thinking about how great you’re gonna be with a kid?” He leans up with a dreamy smile. “This is probably my own selfishness talking, but I can already tell that you were made to be a dad. You’ve been good with Gou from the start and Ren and Ran are always so excited to spend time with you.” He flattens his palm over Sousuke’s heart. “You just have this… security about you.”  
  
Rin kisses him and Sousuke opens his mouth for it, rolling over for Rin to sprawl on top of him. Rin tastes him in long, hot strokes of tongue as he pins their intertwined hands over Sousuke’s head, and Rin whispers, “It’s what made me wanna come home to you forever.”  
  
Sousuke hugs Rin’s waist, clinging to him. “I hope it’ll be enough.”  
  
“It will,” Rin promises. “You’re more than enough.”

* * *

 

They confirm with Aki that they’d like to try for Namiko, which brings the woman nothing short of immense joy. The next step is the training sessions; Sousuke prefers to think of them as night classes, since they consist of him and Rin slouching into the foster center after full days of work to cram as much information into their harrowed brains as possible.   
  
It’s a comfort that the other couples there seem just as strained, anxious, and excited. Sousuke’s surprised at the variety of potential parents at the meetings; there’s a number of single people and he and Rin get on well with a lesbian couple that gushes about a three-year-old boy named Kaoru, whom they will be welcoming into their home in a few weeks.  
  
He’s appreciative that he and Rin will never be alone at any step of the process – well, they technically aren’t allowed to be, but he’s still relieved. Whether it’s social workers, foster representatives or other families in the training sessions, there’s always someone whom Sousuke can ask the dumb, obvious questions to without judgement.  
  
He learns that most children enter foster care through neglect but all of them have faced some degree of trauma, which he can vouch for. The session leaders stress that trauma will affect everything, from the child’s behavior, thinking process, how they express emotion and also, how they distinguish safety from danger. These affects wouldn’t be such a vital issue if he and Rin were adopting a newborn, but Sousuke is willing to learn how to handle them for Namiko.  
  
From that point on, he and Rin go to the foster center to visit Namiko three days a week. She doesn’t pay much mind to Sousuke and Rin until Aki lends a gentle hand in helping Namiko acknowledge them. It starts out with Aki asking Namiko to show the couple what she’s playing with and they praise her for it, but Namiko never offers any insight on what she likes about the toy or if she has a favorite. She does as she’s told, sometimes pats their arms, but doesn’t show any curiosity.  
  
She’s the most emotionless child that Sousuke’s ever met, however, Namiko has no hesitation in displaying rage. Whenever a caretaker carries her into the playroom, she fights their hold like a rabid animal. Sousuke gathers that Namiko doesn’t like being picked up and prefers to be left alone, which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to him in the grand scheme of things, but he supposes that with her being a child, those trust issues can lead to a lot of problems down the road.  
  
Their forced to address said issues one evening when a woman carries Namiko into the play room; the girl fights as usual, but it seems that the continuous handling has started to fray her. Something fierce and protective sparks in Sousuke when he realizes that Namiko is _crying_ while struggling out of the caretaker’s hold. Aki thinks this a good time to see how Sousuke and Rin handle the situation, so she leaves them alone with Namiko for the first time while she’s mentally shredded and physically spent.  
  
Namiko cries while she forcefully lines some dolls up against the wall, roughly tearing a toy brush through their hair and shoving plastic shoes onto their feet. Rin sits in the floor with her, his wide-eyes on Sousuke, who can only shrug from the table because he has no idea what to do. All he can think of doing is holding the girl, and that makes him realize just how dire the situation is about her despising such contact.  
  
Rin scoots closer to sit cross-legged beside Namiko as she continues to sniffle. Rin glances at his husband once more before clearing his throat, and he keeps his voice soft. “Namiko.”  
  
She doesn’t respond, cramming layer after layer of outfits onto her dolls. Rin looks around and finds another dress in the toy bin, sliding it across the floor to her. Namiko blinks, eyes swollen and red-rimmed as she takes it. Her little hands quiver while she dresses a new doll in the dress, and Rin smiles sadly. “Does she have a name?”  
  
The girl loses some of her frustrated tension, breathing hard before roughly wiping her nose on her sleeve. “Rosie,” Namiko answers.  
  
Rin beams. “That’s a pretty name.”  
  
“Yeah,” she croaks, brushing the doll’s hair more gently.  
  
Rin’s eyes track the motion, his voice a quiet echo. “It’s really nice of you to be that careful with her. I bet it makes Rosie really happy.”  
  
Namiko pauses but she doesn’t say anything. Sousuke gathers the courage to sit on the floor with them, moving slow and cautious. Namiko doesn’t flinch when he leans into her line of sight and tenderly, he asks, “Namiko, why didn’t you like that lady that brought you in here?”  
  
Her eyes dart up to him. “It’s okay,” Sousuke reassures. “You’re okay.”  
  
She smears across her tired eyes, rocking back and forth. Rin dares to run a hand down her hair and she tenses, but when he continues to keep his touch gentle, she sags into it. The girl doesn’t say anything for a long while, her eyes closing as she learns to enjoy the comfort. Rin combs his fingers through her hair like she did with her doll and gradually, Namiko replies to Sousuke’s question. “Wanna be ‘n the floor.”  
  
He cranes back and looks down at her feet. They’re always bare; Aki explained that anytime a caretaker forces her into a pair of shoes, she immediately rips them off. He says, “You like to feel the floor? On your feet?”  
  
She nods.  
  
Rin’s eyes shine in realization as he turns to his husband. “Maybe it stimulates her somehow? The sensation on her feet, I mean. If someone picks her up… even if it were to just hug her, and she can’t feel the floor –”  
  
Then she freaks out, of course. That makes sense – Namiko would rather touch Sousuke and Rin than speak to them, and her hands are in constant motion when she plays. She’s always twisting the knobs on the toy kitchenette, running her hands through a doll’s hair. She feels _everything_ through her sense of touch.  
  
Well, it’s not like they can chastise her for being _afraid_ of someone embracing her, now that they know why. Rin brushes her messy curls out of her face and smiles. “Hugs can feel nice sometimes, actually.” She frowns and Rin nods at his husband. “It makes me happy when Sousuke hugs me. He can even pick me up.”  
  
Her face scrunches incredulously and they chuckle. Sousuke pats the bottom of her foot. “If this is what makes you happy, it’s okay.”  
  
For the first time, her expression loses its default sharpness. She looks down at her doll before offering it to him, and Sousuke takes it with a smile like never before.

* * *

He starts to look forward to the visits, rather than stepping into the foster center with a mess of nerves. The anticipation gets him through the work day and things get better between him and Rin at home, too – they talk excitedly about Namiko well past their usual bedtime and Sousuke works on completing her room every night after work.  
  
The rest of their family grows excited for them as well; Makoto’s back doesn’t allow him to help out much with construction, but sometimes Haru comes over after dinner to hash out some sibling rivalry with Sousuke, bitching about how the support beams aren’t levelled. Haru’s no-iron-having-ass gets winded after nailing in three posts, but Sousuke privately likes the normalcy of their banter. It’s starting to feel like he has a real brother.  
  
Natsuya is the best at construction despite that he’s sans a full set of fingers; he’s clever and makes it work. He finishes the evening’s tasks in half the expected time, but he likes to drink on the job so Sousuke keeps a supply of beer at the house for whenever he drops by. Asahi tries his best, meaning that he can’t tell a drill bit from a nail, though he’s good at morale. Nii likes cutting things up, which is disturbing but not unexpected. She knows how to work the saw table so that’s all that matters to Sousuke. Rin is content to sit in a lawn chair with a daiquiri and whistle at Sousuke’s ass whenever he bends over to set the baseboards.  
  
As the training sessions progress, they’re taught how to handle Namiko’s specific traumas. Like Aki said, Namiko’s mother “passed away”, though that paperwork doesn’t depict the true horror of what happened – it’s common knowledge in the gang world that Ookami was murdered by Corro when Freebird fell. There’s no information about Namiko’s father and Sousuke assumes that Ookami doesen’t have any surviving family since nobody from the outskirts has tried to claim Namiko as their kin.  
  
Sousuke and Rin go over some of Namiko’s files one night when they are too drained to make a proper dinner, instead opting for beer and pizza while Gou devours a case of hot wings with the excuse that teenagers have high metabolisms and becoming a world-class swimmer takes up a lot of energy. Both Sousuke and Rin are too tired to protest, and they spread Namiko’s paperwork across the kitchen table to research what they’re dealing with.  
  
Rin’s eyes are hooded with sleepiness as he frowns at one paper. “Did you read these reports from families that have fostered her before?”  
  
Sousuke jerks out of his half-unconscious state and downs his beer, hoping the buzz will keep him awake. “What? The one that says she bit people?”  
  
“No, not that one. A couple of families said that she sneaks out of her bedroom window to sleep outside.”  
  
“Jesus.” He reads over the paperwork and shudders. “Was she trying to just upset them?”  
  
Rin shrugs, Sousuke’s big t-shirt rolling off his shoulder as he reaches to take the file back. “Maybe it’s got something to do with her being from the outskirts?” When Sousuke’s brow crease, Rin fumbles through an embarrassed gesture. “I mean, like, woods and shit. She might like being close to them, I don’t know.” He huffs and flops his legs into Sousuke’s lap. “Either way, we’ll probably have to figure out how to deal with it.”  
  
Sousuke absently runs a hand over Rin’s smooth legs as he reads. Rin studies him with an evasive sip of his beer, mumbling, “You and Haru talked lately?”  
  
He frowns, glancing up. “About what?”  
  
“Nothing, nothing. Just wondering.”  
  
“You’re never ‘just wondering’.”  
  
Rin lazily opens his mouth wide for his tongue to loll out and Sousuke chuckles. Rin’s piercing clicks against his teeth as he plays with it and he says, “Haru mentioned anything about Mako?”  
  
“Okay, what are you getting at?” He pushes the files away and crosses his arms. “Just say it.”  
  
Rin smirks, feet pushing at Sousuke’s belly. “Don’t get all _nervous~”_ His toes sneak under Sousuke’s t-shirt to wiggle against him. Sousuke pouts at the ticklish sensation and grabs Rin’s ankles to put them firmly back into his lap and Rin laughs, “I’m just bein’ nosy about Makoto and Haru. I want another wedding to get excited about.”  
  
Sousuke sighs in dread. “Are you hinting that you’re still resentful about marrying me at the courthouse instead of having a real wedding?”  
  
“No,” Rin says without hesitation. “I would have married you anywhere.” His smirk softens up. “It was still a good day, you were so sweet.”  
  
Sousuke snorts, but his heart warms at the memory. “It was stifling in that office. I was sweating like a freak.”  
  
“Because you were _wired –”_  
  
“Uh, hell _yeah,_ I only slept two hours that night. Momotarou gave me a Monster Energy and I had never drank one before. I thought I was having a heart attack – don’t giggle at me, I’m serious.”  
  
Rin lifts his chin with an air of smugness. “Your fault for taking Sei’s 12-hour shift the night before we got married.”  
  
Sousuke thumps his ankle. “God, do you remember how awkward it was in there? That guy at another desk kept eating his lunch during the ceremony.”  
  
“It was tuna. I could have fuckin’ beat that dick. Don’t smirk at me, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m tipsy. And Haru had to ask that other lady to turn off her radio.”  
  
“He scared the _hell_ out of her. He doesn’t look anybody in the eye, but he did that day and that woman froze like stone.”  
  
Rin wheezes with laughter. “Now I can’t hear Maroon 5 without having flashbacks, oh my god.” His eyes scrunch cutely as he laughs harder. “And why’d you have to tongue me down in front of everybody? Makoto squawked like a damn parakeet when you grabbed my ass.”   
  
“Because it was _mine.”_ Sousuke grins.  
  
His husband moves a hand through his hair, ruffling it. Rin subdues with fondness. “It was still the best day.” Sousuke gives him a look and Rin pinches his chin, tapping it with every word. “Even if it didn’t work out the way I thought it would.” He runs a single finger down Sousuke’s lips. “I just wanted you.” Rin kisses him with closed-mouth sweetness and chills rush to Sousuke’s fingers and toes.  
  
He pecks Rin’s hand before cradling it against his heart. Sousuke keeps a straight face, though a smirk twitches at his mouth. “Our wedding night was fun too –”  
  
Gou skips into the kitchen and Rin’s legs bolt out, sending Sousuke careening out of his chair and into the floor. Stripper legs, he thinks on the way to the chiropractor the next morning. He should never underestimate their strength.

* * *

Sousuke is still timid with Namiko and it reaches tenfold when Rin has to opt out of a visit due to broken air conditioning at Samezuka. The repair team comes hours after the scheduled appointment time, meaning that Sousuke is left sitting awkward as hell in the foster center play room with Namiko.  
  
To a point, he likes that she entertains herself, but he needs to try and make some progress with her. He’s terrible at make-believe and so is she, therefore he attempts a more practical measure of quality time, which is reading. The foster center’s books are outdated by a few decades, but Namiko finds interest in one about animal characters on a journey through the forest. The sentences are five words at the most and Sousuke’s reading voice is embarrassingly bland, but she snuggles into his side and appears content.  
  
Namiko stops him from turning the page and bolts upright, pointing to the cartoon wolf who’s supposed to be the villain in this bizarre story. Sousuke grins at the excitement on her face. “You like the wolf?”  
  
Namiko nods and hugs her arms around his bicep as he turns to the next page; it’s an exaggerated depiction of the wolf blowing an entire clearing of trees down. _“Mr. Wolf lets out a big roar,”_ Sousuke drones. _“He huffs and puffs and scares Mr. Rabbit away."  
  
_Namiko giggles like she’s delighted, and he realizes that he’s never heard her laugh before.  
  
When the story is over, Namiko opens the book herself to look through the pictures again. Sousuke leans back on his hands, wondering, “Do you like animals?”  
  
She nods. “I like big ones.”  
  
“Me too,” he chuckles.  
  
After a while, Namiko decides to color with him and he turns a flower red while she brings a blue sky to life. He notices her glancing out the window at the playground, so he offers to take her after he gets permission from one of the caretakers. They seem bewildered at how calm Namiko is with her hand in Sousuke’s, but they say that she can only go outside if she wears shoes.  
  
Which is were the problem begins.  
  
A woman leads him to the bunkroom that Namiko shares with three other girls under 24-hour supervision; hers is a bottom bunk with a small box of possessions underneath. Her clothes were obviously folded by an adult and her shoes are pristine from never being worn. There’s a comb with no strands caught in the teeth since she’s bad about brushing her hair, and Sousuke notices some pieces of gravel as well as pebbles, which he assumes is some sort of rock collection.

Of course, Namiko refuses the pair of little sneakers that Sousuke offers her, so he considers his options. “Your feet will get dirty if you don’t wear them.”  
  
“Don’t care.” She makes her feet even more pigeon-toed in a stubborn gesture. Her feet are already grimy; therefore, he shouldn’t have expected that to matter to her.  
  
Sousuke tries to find another angle. “You might get sick if you aren’t wearing shoes. You don’t want your feet to get cold, do you?”  
  
She pushes her toes together even more.  
  
He represses a sigh. “We can’t go outside unless you wear them. I’ll be out there with you, it’ll be fun.” He isn’t so sure about the latter part of that statement, but he’ll try his best.  
  
That makes the girl pause. She looks down at her feet and wiggles her toes before curling them. She nods in acceptance and Sousuke almost collapses with the rush of victory.  
  
Namiko refuses socks and Sousuke accepts it in favor of quickly tucking her feet into the sneakers. It’s as if she forgets how to walk straight as they head for the playground, yanking on Sousuke’s hand every time she stumbles. He doesn’t offer to pick her up since that would definitely shatter any trust she has in him, though he hates seeing her so frustrated with walking.  
  
The evening brings forth cool relief, the playground equipment still warm from the summer day. There’re a few kids playing on the jungle gym and Sousuke gives their caretaker an awkward smile when she waves. Namiko doesn’t wave back at her, hiding behind Sousuke’s leg.  
  
He tugs her hand and nods at the other children. “Do you want to go play with them?”  
  
“No,” she spews harshly like he’s hurt her feelings.  
  
He gently shakes his head. “You don’t have to, it’s okay.” The training sessions have a strict insistence about getting Namiko to socialize, but Sousuke isn’t exactly talkative himself. That’s Rin’s department.  
  
Maybe there’s a different way to help Namiko out of her shell. Nagisa, ever the art teacher, talked about the importance of expression, so Sousuke and Namiko go over to the sandbox by themselves and he helps her build a castle. It’s not like painting a picture with lots of messy colors, but it’s something.  
  
Namiko uses her fingers to dig a moat around their castle, blowing her lips and making a trickling sound to pretend water is filling it. Affection curls happily in Sousuke’s chest.  
  
Namiko then sits back and looks around. “Need somethin’ to watch castle.”  
  
“Alligators?”  
  
She looks at him like he’s stupid. “I don’t got all’gators.”  
  
“Oh.” He didn’t realize that animals couldn’t be make-believe in her world. He glances around the playground. “Um…”  
  
“Ah-ha!” She vaults over the edge of the sandbox and Sousuke startles because trained soldiers dart out of the pits slower than her. Namiko rakes her fingers through the mud and thrusts her hand up victoriously with a fistful of worms.  
  
He watches in a stupor as she places the worms into the sandcastle moat and they wiggle through it. She wipes her nasty hands on her shorts and beams expectantly.  
  
Sousuke shuts his gaping mouth and clears his throat. “That’s great, Namiko. Really smart.” Christ, Momotarou would love this kid and how unabashed she is about greasy bugs.  
  
It’s clear that she gets bored in the sandbox, but she stays put and refuses to move to another section of the playground while other children are occupying it. Sousuke studies her, keeping his voice gentle. “Why don’t you want to play with them?”  
  
_“I’m not playin’ with ‘em,”_ she yells, scrambling backward like she thinks he’ll grab her. The caretakers on the playground bench look over at them and Sousuke winces through a reassuring wave.  
  
He turns his attention back to Namiko and keeps himself lax as he props back on his hands. Her stare is bruising and Sousuke fears that he’s messed all of this up. “Namiko,” he says, levelling their gazes. “I am not going to drag you over there and make you play with anyone. All right?”  
  
She flinches when exasperation slips into his voice. She doesn’t scream again, but she looks so defeated as she sniffles. Namiko rips her shoes off to dig her toes in the sand with a trembling exhale. Her face bunches up, trying not to cry; she looks alone and like she’s accepted it.  
  
An idea sparks amongst Sousuke’s regret. He unlaces his field boots and peels off his socks, which Rin makes fun of him for since they’re long and white and “what old men wear,” according to his dear husband. Her expression freezes in a slate of disbelief as he buries his feet in the sand like she did but then Sousuke pauses. Looming awareness pours over him like a flood of ice water; it’s a tick of paranoia that comes to life with strobe light flashes of memory.  
  
He remembers burying his feet in Afghanistan sand. It wasn’t for leisure; it saved his life, clogging wounds after a landmine went off during a patrol. Echo wasn’t hurt but another detection dog, the one that stepped on the landmine, didn’t make it. He exploded with his handler, ribbons of them stretching a mile across the landscape’s tan. Their guts were hot on Sousuke’s face, in his eyes, the hot odor of them in his mouth, the sand like pure fire where his toenails flew off in the blast.  
  
Sharply, he comes back to himself with ringing in his ears and a headache. A stone would be less rigid than him. It appears that he didn’t outwardly react to the flashback while he disassociated, other than breaking out in a sweat. Sousuke tries to focus on how nice the sand feels, soft and unthreatening.  
  
Slowly, Namiko looks up from his buried feet to his eyes. Her features twitch before brightening and her expression settlles in contentment. Sousuke jumps when her toe pokes him under the sand and her nose bunches up as she giggles.  
  
They slowly rebuild the momentary falter between them; they use their fingers to draw in the sand and Sousuke is pathetic at it, but he praises every lopsided star she makes. They both look to the jungle gym when the children’s laughter picks up, their delight tangible in the air. Namiko’s eyes change while she watches them, then she quickly looks down. She peeks a glance at Sousuke, who lifts his brows but doesn’t press for more. She sighs and picks up her shoes to make a point. “Mine.”  
  
He frowns and she sweeps up all the plastic sandcastle molds. “Mine.”  
  
Gradually, he understands. “You don’t like to share.”  
  
She nods stubbornly and puts a hand on Sousuke’s arm. “Rin. Shu’suke. _Mine.”_  
  
A watery burn swells behind his eyes and he blinks rapidly. He’s never almost cried so quickly in his life, but he manages to hold it off until he’s in the foster center parking lot. He throws up from the flashback, holds his breath as much as he can on the drive home, and lets it all out like an explosion the moment he gets home. Rin holds him after Sousuke collapses loudly in the entry way; he cradles Sousuke’s head against his stomach while rocking him, hushing him for hours.    
  
Sousuke falls apart that night for so many reasons, but mostly because he didn’t want to leave that poor girl all alone at the foster center.

* * *

He and Rin complete their training sessions after countless night classes and workshops. He didn’t anticipate this one step of the journey to be so endless. Rin left plenty of classes in tears because it was just too much information to consume and he _had_ to learn every word of it; Sousuke spent a lot of time with a 2 AM bottle of vodka because the stress induced more flashbacks from the war, and he used alcohol to drown the memories of iron and sand.  
  
He had accepted that those fallouts were built into him now, but then he realized that he can’t be doing this shit with a child in the house. He decided to be more honest at the weekly support groups he sometimes went to at the veteran’s center, and it helped, as did Makoto.  
  
They stop at Seven Tears after one of those support groups and Makoto suddenly looks up from his baked salmon. “Do you not try to wake Rin up when you have nightmares?”  
  
Sousuke pauses in chewing his fried shrimp. He swallows and takes a drink of stale beer. “No,” he grumbles. “Why the hell would I? He’s dead on his feet when he comes home. He works longer shifts than I do at Samezuka; he’s running a _business,_ for Christ’s sake.”    
  
Makoto waves his hands as if to push Sousuke’s nonsense away from him. “Kay, I get that, but you know he’s better at functioning on no sleep than any of us, right? I mean, he kind of had to live like that, at one point.” He lifts his brows with a pointed look. “He told me what he used to do back when him and Haruka were all… _Miami Vice.”  
  
_“Now that’s a conversation I would have loved to witness, you prude.”  
  
“Ha,” Makoto drones, eyes flat behind his glasses. “I’ll tell Haruka you called me that, I haven’t heard him laugh hard in a while.”  
  
Sousuke represses a shudder at what Makoto is insinuating before Makoto kicks him under the table and refocuses. “Anyway, my point is that it would probably – no, _definitely_ help if you let him be there for you when it comes to nightmares. Or literally anything else, but you move through life in baby steps and we’ll just have to work with that.”  
  
Sousuke flops back in the booth. “How did this become an intervention about my marriage? Did Rin put you up to this?”  
  
“Uh, _no?_ How could he when he doesn’t even know about it?” Makoto smugly flies a chip into his mouth. “It’s pretty obvious what’s going on since you insinuated at support group that you’d rather hug a bottle than a real person.”  
  
Sousuke flinches because _shit,_ Makoto cuts deep into a heart when he’s doing it out of love. “Look,” Makoto says, sobering up. “All I’m saying is that I would be a mess if Haruka wasn’t there when I wake up screaming.”  
  
Sousuke breathes a weak laugh, void of humor. “Sounds like a mess if you’re waking up screaming in general.”  
  
“Don’t be cheeky, it’s not cute on you.” Makoto gives him a teasing smile. “I’m safe with Haruka. And when I’m still caught up in a flashback and can’t get that nobody is _really_ coming after me, I know that he’s going to protect me. He tells me that over and over.”  
  
Sousuke’s heart softens at that.  
  
“Rin’s not going to let you beat yourself up over things you can’t change,” Makoto says, voice hushed with gentleness. “That’s what’s consuming you right now, yeah? All the guilt. And you’re worried that you’ll mess things up all over again with Namiko?”  
  
Sousuke pulls in a deep breath and looks away hard, struggling to force emotions down. “I just want to get her out of that foster center,” he admits to the wall. “It _hurts_ when me and Rin leave her because I know what it’s like to be crammed in like sardines in overrun places like that. I remember what it was like to stare up at ceiling after ceiling of different foster houses, knowing that nobody in the world _really_ loved me.” His eyes sink closed under the weight of grief, his voice rent with it. “Mako, I don’t want that for her.”  
  
His eyes open when he feels Makoto nudge him under the table, his prosthetic unyielding and insistent. Makoto smiles like Sousuke is the most endearing idiot to ever walk the planet. “Loving someone is easy,” he whispers, leaning to meet Sousuke’s downcast gaze. “It’s the easiest part out of all of this and you’re afraid that you’re gonna get it wrong?”  
  
Understanding works through Sousuke, dawning on his face. Makoto huffs, grinning, “Sousuke, Jesus. This isn’t a mission, it’s a kid. You don’t need a strategy for it, just love her. That’s what you needed when you were a kid and that’s what she needs now.” He pats Sousuke’s hand on the table. “That’s what you and Rin will give her.”  
  
He’s still dazed from the epiphany when Ikuya drags his feet over to their table. The boy pulls out one of his earbuds, dead-eyed with boredom as he talks in sighs. “One check or two?”  
  
“Just one, thanks,” Makoto pipes before Sousuke can even say anything. Ikuya rips off some paper from his notepad and drops it on the table for Makoto to slyly push it over to Sousuke. He stammers as Ikuya walks away but the boy already put his earbuds back in.  
  
Sousuke glares. Makoto beams like pure fucking sunshine.

* * *

So Makoto might be a doe-eyed dick of all trades, but his advice was a good reason to be more open with Rin, even though it meant that Sousuke had to shake him awake after _every single_ nightmare. Rin never complained and Sousuke hates himself for thinking that he would – Rin’s killed people and watched friends die, too. If anyone can share Sousuke’s bed and open his arms to the warzone of guilt and horror, it’s his husband.  
  
They pass Aki’s home check and Namiko does well when they bring Winnie to the foster center to meet her, but Namiko opens up like never before when Sousuke brings Echo to the foster center.  
  
Namiko swings on the playground while Rin pushes her, but the girl digs her shoes into the ground once she notices the massive dog. She hurries over and Echo gets frazzled under all of Namiko’s excited touches. The dog looks up at Sousuke, bug-eyed and stiff, earning a chuckle out of him.  
  
His laugh cuts short when Namiko grins wide and throws her head back to sing a howl.  
  
It’s a sweet yet baffling sound; Rin and Sousuke cower as every set of eyes turn to them on the playground. Namiko stops howling and jumps up and down hopefully, curls bouncing, but Echo remains silent. The girl’s mouth wobbles as tears well in her eyes.  
  
Sousuke snaps his fingers at Echo and points his thumb to the sky, making the dog’s fur bristle. She throws her nose up and howls proudly.  
  
Namiko _radiates_ light. The girl howls with her and finally, _finally_ she shines with the happiness that she deserves.  
  
“She must think that Echo’s a wolf,” Rin laughs, delighted.  
  
Sousuke grins at him. “I think Namiko believes _she’s_ a wolf, too.”  
  
“Well, I’m not gonna tell her,” Rin whispers playfully. He puts an arm around Sousuke’s waist and rests his cheek against his good shoulder. “She’s gonna be our little wolf, Sousuke. Finally.”

* * *

Gou does well when she meets Namiko. She fawns over the girl, braiding her hair, telling her that she has a dollhouse from when she was little and Namiko can have it all to herself. Namiko seems confused by that and asks if Gou is going to bring the dollhouse to her, which leads to Sousuke and Rin having the conversation with her that they’ve nervously anticipated for so long.   
  
The next evening, they sit in playroom floor with Namiko as Sousuke reads her some animal books that he borrowed from Ren and Ran. Namiko sits in Rin’s lap on the floor and it’s considered a grand success across the entire foster center; she snuggles into his arms and blinks drowsily while he rubs her scalp in slow, affectionate circles. Her head bobs as she fights sleep and Rin smiles, looking at peace with everything in the world, with everything that he’s ever done.  
  
After they finish the book, he looks at Sousuke over Namiko’s head and Sousuke nods encouragingly. Rin braces himself and sets the girl in the floor, causing her to pout sleepily. Rin laughs and frames her face with a coo. “Did you get tired?”  
  
She shakes her head exuberantly and he pats her cheeks before leaning back. Rin just sits there looking like he has an adorable case of stage fright. Sousuke takes his hand and clears his throat to do it for him. “Namiko, do you like it here at the foster center?”  
  
She rubs her eyes and blinks. Glances around, shrugs. “It’s warm.”  
  
He huffs, feeling a bit light-headed. “Yeah.” Sousuke folds the hem of his shirt. “Did you like getting to go somewhere else when you spent time with different families?”  
  
She fiddles with her hands. “No. Mean.”  
  
A rush of protectiveness bolts through Sousuke but he tries to remember that in the training classes, they learned that young children tend to exaggerate the experiences they have with foster families, so the truth might never be known. Sousuke knows there were never any cases of foster-neglect in Namiko’s reports, but still, he doesn’t like any of this.  
  
Tenderly, Rin stops her from picking at her cuticles by taking her hand. “Well, Sousuke and I really like coming here and spending time with you.” She nods in agreement and Rin looks faint with relief. “A-And we were wondering – just wondering – if coming to our house and spending time with us there would make you happy.” His voice gives a hopeful crack. “We would be there, and so would Gou and the dogs, and Miss Aki would come by all the time to make sure that you were still happy.”  
  
Namiko doesn’t have an outward reaction; Sousuke and Rin hold their breath for what feels like hours, then she mumbles, “You wouldn’t have t’ go bye-bye?”  
  
It’s a miracle that Rin doesn’t burst into tears. Sousuke’s no better, if he’s being honest.  
  
“No,” Sousuke husks, the lump in his throat aching. “No, we wouldn’t have to go bye. You’d be at home with us.”  
  
It looks like she still isn’t grasping it and Sousuke is _breaths_ away from an aneurysm. Rin remembers how she understands things through touch and cradles one of her little hands, folding Sousuke’s hand over them both.  
  
“Nami,” Rin says. “Sousuke and I want to be your parents.”  
  
She stares down at all their hands, lets his words run through her. When she looks up at them, her skin flushes with emotion that she cannot voice, and her eyes are wet like stars on a black sea. “Oh,” she croaks, gasping a laugh. Her face twists with gushing tears and she careens at them, and they both catch her in a stupor.  
  
Emotion shoots through Sousuke and Rin as they hold her together. Sousuke doesn’t remember anything else. Doesn’t need to.

* * *

They won’t be able to adopt her right away. Like Aki said, they’ll need to foster Namiko for a few months to see how things go before they can get even remotely close to an adoption certificate – but as it turns out, the fostering process is faster than anticipated.  
  
The next day, Sousuke and Rin take off work to sprint like maniacs through the local home décor boutique. Quite honestly, Sousuke feels more out of place than being in enemy territory, but he’s thankful that Rin thinks of everything and already asked Namiko what kind of bedroom she wanted. “Can you believe she looked me dead in the face and told me ‘one with a bed’? She’s so sassy. When I asked her for more than that, she looked at me like I didn’t finish high school and said ‘pillows’.”  
  
“But you didn’t finish high school.”  
  
“G.E.D., jerk. Fuck with me.”    
  
Sousuke looks up at the towering racks of nothing but pillows. “God, we’re screwed. We can’t even pick out the one essential thing she said that she wanted.”  
  
Rin eyes the pillows, which are blank and stiff – built for necessity rather than style. His brow is arched and unimpressed with his husband. _“Well,_ maybe if we weren’t in the ‘I sleep in my recliner and jack off alone with TV political debates in the background’ section, we’d have better luck.”  
  
He drags Sousuke by the arm to the kids department and Sousuke stumbles along, babbling, “Wait, the fuck, I had some of those throw pillows on my couch –”  
  
“I know baby, that’s why we burned them after I moved in.”  
  
The kids department is a world of pinks and blues and lots of overpriced nonsense. Sousuke puts his hands on his hips, already winded. “I don’t know what her favorite color is. I’ve never seen her wear pink. She likes drawing skies. Maybe she likes blue?”  
  
“You don’t do a kid’s bedroom in just one color, you gotta have a _theme,”_ Rin stresses. “Shit, we should have brought Gou.”  
  
“She’s at school.”  
  
He whines and buries his face in his hands. Sousuke grimaces as a baby wails a few aisles over and tries, “Look, how about we just get the basic stuff this time – I mean, we don’t even have a crib for her yet.”  
  
“She’s three, she needs a toddler bed.”  
  
“… I’ll let you figure out what that is, but what I’m saying is let’s just get the necessities and let her pick out the other stuff later.”  
  
Rin’s head lolls all the way to the side like he’s never been more bored. “You really think she’s gonna feel welcomed if she walks into an all-white bedroom like some creepy-ass dreamscape? Military bed corners aren’t fun, Sou.”  
  
He reels, then deflates. Grumbling, he walks back in the direction of the cash registers. “I’m gonna go apply for a store credit card.”  
  
“Good boy~”

* * *

Thank fuck almighty they find a section of forest-themed décor. Rin has a field day while Sousuke adverts his gaze from the price tags and pushes the cart, though his wariness improves after Rin shows him tree-printed curtains and sheets dotted with antler silhouettes.  
  
He even smiles when Rin finds a shark plushie. Sousuke says, “That for her or you?”  
  
“Let’s get one, just one.”  
  
“Her bedroom is forest-themed; sharks aren’t in the woods, Rin.”  
  
“Oh my god, let me _live.”_  
  
So, they get the shark plushie along with a carload of bags. They stop for espresso on the way home because they’re going to have to pull an all-nighter if they want to complete Namiko’s room before they start fostering her the next day.    
  
Sousuke’s thankful for a group of friends that are quick on their feet and hurry over to help the moment Rin texts them. Seijuro brings over a toddler bed that his oldest daughter used, and he claps Sousuke on the back with exuberance. “Finally joining the Dad Squad, eh? Trust me, it’s a blast.”  
  
Sousuke rubs the new sore spot on his side, though he grins hopefully. “Really?”  
  
Seijuro coughs tightly as he ducks a little closer. “Well, my house always smells like soured juice and Yazaki won’t give me a handjob to save my life, but it’s cool. They have kids detective shows now and I used at least half their lines in questioning last month.”  
  
Sousuke’s left eye twitches. “Oh.”  
  
“Anyway.” He claps Sousuke on the back again and he almost flies through the wall. “I’m real excited for you guys, Sayaka is Namiko’s age so feel free to bring her by the house whenever. I built this kick ass jungle gym, holy shit. You could hold basic training in that course. This is a nice big closet you built, it’s great. You guys have Namiko’s clothes somewhere else, or…?”  
  
Sousuke’s stomach drops and somehow, Rin hears Seijuro’s question from across the house. His wail of “oh, _TITS!”_ is muffled and damning because they fucking _forgot_ that a kid needs clothes to wear.  
  
Seijuro promises to bring lots of Sayaka’s clothes by in the morning, but he can’t stay tonight to put the toddler bed together since Aki is too close to her due date to be at home alone for too long. This leads to Sousuke getting a knock on the front door and Nao stands there, offering up his husband with that smile of eerie serenity. “Natsuya comes bearing the one thing he’s good at.”    
  
Nao pushes him into the house and Natsuya clutches his toolbox to his chest, looking like a lost child on his first day of school. Natsuya pouts out his husband. “I’m good at other things.”  
  
“Writing drunken poetry in a Shakespearian rage doesn’t count, dearheart.”  
  
“Heh, well, you _know_ I’m good at –”  
  
Rin tosses him a beer to shut him up and Natsuya gets to work on the toddler bed. Sousuke and Makoto almost brawl over struggling to assemble a dresser; Rin bought the wrong sized sheets, but Haru hems them by hand and teaches Gou how to sew an even line.     
  
Around eleven, Nagisa and Rei drop by with half a dozen McDonalds bags for the group to stress-binge on. “Wow,” Nagisa breathes, twirling around to take in the bedroom. “It’s really coming along!”  
  
Rei surveys the room with his standard ramrod posture, stroking his chin. “It looks safe as well. I appreciate that you bought outlet covers and guards for all the furniture corners.”  
  
“Thanks,” Rin laughs, pulling off his hair tie to shake out the strands. Sousuke’s too busy devouring his second hamburger to reply, but he nods. Rin says, “I think we probably would have been fine without all the safety precautions, but still, I wanted to be sure.”  
  
Nagisa glances around, his frown making Sousuke anxious because he does _not_ want to endure late-night traffic to go buy something _else_ that they forgot. Nagisa says, “You don’t have a rocking chair?”  
  
Slowly, Sousuke and Rin look at each other. “No,” Sousuke chews. “I mean, she’s three.”  
  
Makoto gives a scandalized gasp, which is muffled from where he’s buried in discarded cardboard. “Sousuke, don’t say something like that! All little kids love to be rocked to sleep!”  
  
Haru glances away from sewing to give the mountain of cardboard a look. “You mean that _you_ love it when I rock you to sleep in bed.”  
  
“It’s a _biological comfort –”  
  
_“I think it’d be a good idea to have a rocking chair,” Nagisa pipes. “I know Nami-chan doesn’t like to be held, but a rocking chair might help her learn to, yeah?”  
  
Sousuke’s food goes cold in his mouth because _shit,_ how could they not realize that?    
  
It really takes a village to raise a kid, or more like, it takes a village literally just to get ready for a kid, because Kisumi comes through with a rocking chair. “It’s a little dingey!” he calls from the porch while Asahi and Sousuke wrestle the chair through the doorway. Kisumi beams when Nao offers him some wine that Sousuke doesn’t know the origins of. Kisumi says, “It’s the old chair I used to rock Hayato in –” He pauses while Asahi barks at Sousuke to pivot. He waits for Sousuke to curse back at him before continuing. “—but, you know, since my brother is thirteen now, it’s probably time to give it up.” He gives a wistful tut as he swivels his wine glass. “They grow up so fast.”  
  
“Trust me,” Nao drones as he watches Natsuya, who’s got his tongue pinched between his teeth as he rolls his burger wrapper into the shape of a rose. “They don’t.” His smile is exasperated as he accepts the flower from his husband.  
  
Rin makes Sousuke and Asahi place the rocking chair in every single corner of the room before he settles on a spot by the window, and a few hours later, the room is finally complete. Natsuya sits proudly on the floor and seizes Nao around the legs, preening up at him. “Nao darling, let’s do it. Let’s have a baby.”  
  
“No.” He keeps immaculate balance with his husband leeched around his thighs, never spilling a drop of his wine. “You alone are enough children for me.” Though he ruffles Natsuya’s curls as he says it.  
  
Everyone offers their congratulations before taking their leave. Echo and Winnie sniff all the new furniture while Percy lounges on the dresser; Rin and Sousuke lie in the center of the floor, sweaty and sore from the vigorous work.  
  
Rin rolls over onto his stomach and props up on his elbows to look around. “It turned out so nice.”  
  
Sousuke jerks and wakes up mid-snore. “Mmph-huh,” he yawns, snuggling his cheek into the small of Rin’s back. “Looks real nice, yup.” His eyes aren’t even open.  
  
Rin throws a fond smirk over his shoulder and reaches around to pat Sousuke’s ass. “You did real good, baby. I’m proud of you.”  
  
Rin sighs and something about the noise makes Sousuke opens his eyes. Rin tucks his hands under his chin as he looks around the room, and his voice is quiet in the stillness. “I remember how excited Gou was when me ‘n Haru got her out of the foster center and brought her home to the beach cabin. I wonder if this will feel the same way.”  
  
“How did you feel back then?”  
  
Rin looks up at all the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. “Like I did somethin’ right.”    
  
“You _are_ doing something right.” Sousuke laces their hands together, their wedding rings clicking. He shimmies up to lie beside Rin, propping up on his elbows as well, and his whisper sounds giddy. “We’re gonna be _parents.”  
  
_“I know,” Rin whispers back with tangible excitement, nuzzling Sousuke’s nose. “I love you. Fuck, I love you so much it hurts.” He’s on the verge of tears with it.  
  
He cups Rin’s face and Rin looks as if Sousuke stole the moon for him. Sousuke smiles, “I love you more.”  
  
When Rin kisses him, it’s like raw sugar.


	2. crow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke teases, “I don’t have a bird symbol. What are you supposed to get for me?” 
> 
> Rin thinks, eyes half-lidded. "You'll be my crow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so hi i'm predicable and wrote too much i was gonna wait to post but uni started this week & it's already a doozy so i wanted to go ahead and leave y'all with something xoxo
> 
> chapter song is [why try by ariana grande](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP1DRSfgito)

* * *

 They don’t get any sleep that night; Sousuke feels like a kid before Christmas morning, but the excitement doesn’t help much once the alarm clock blares. His body can’t handle all-nighters like he used to, and he nurses a third cup of black coffee while Rin flies around the house in a manic blur that would put a hummingbird to shame. Sousuke and Gou watch him from the kitchen, their eyes going back and forth like a tennis match as Rin rearranges everything he can move and sweeps the floors another time.  
  
“Onii-chan,” Gou calls. “I really don’t think Namiko is going to care if the floor is swept.”  
  
Rin jerks to a stop, almost falling over from momentum. Sousuke and Gou wince as his heels squeak across the tiles. “How are you two not _palpitating_ right now?! She’ll be here in two hours!”  
  
“Yeah,” Sousuke drones into his coffee. “And the house looks like a magazine spread. Trust me, the dust is way too scared to touch that floor right now.”  
  
Gou walks over to gently pry the broom from her brother and she sits him down at the kitchen island. “Chill.” She pats his shoulders before leaving the broom in the pantry. “The house looks perfect; there’s nothing else for you to do but be happy.”  
  
Sousuke cups Rin’s face for their gazes to meet. “Gou’s right, just sit and relax.” Sousuke mushes his cheeks and Rin pouts, head lolling in Sousuke’s grip. “You want some coffee?”  
  
“Yes,” he whines. Sousuke makes it three steps away before Rin bolts to a stand. “I can’t just sit here. I’m making cookies.”  
  
“Okay,” Gou beams. Sousuke throws her a flat look and her head bobs in smug delight. At least the aroma of cookies is welcoming.  
  
Two hours later, there’s a knock on the door and Rin startles so hard that he almost loses his footing. Sousuke goes numb with anxiousness and Gou pauses in stuffing cookies into her mouth.  
  
The three of them stare at the door before jerking into motion and clambering into the entryway. Clothes are adjusted and smoothed out before Rin takes a deep exhale. “Okay,” he breathes to himself. “Here we go.”  
  
He opens the door and Aki stands on the porch, her arms crossed over Namiko’s shoulders as the girl stands in front of her. She’s so tiny under Aki’s swooping belly, her toes pushed together with a tattered backpack clutched to her chest. Namiko’s timid demeanor fades when she recognizes Rin and Sousuke; she blinks like she realizes that she’s not at a stranger’s nice house, she knows these people.  
  
“Hi Nami,” Rin preens, crouching to her eye-level. Namiko smiles shyly and lets him pull out her curls from where they were stuffed under her hoodie collar. “How are you?”  
  
“Good,” she mumbles, peeking inside of the house with a sniff before her stomach growls.  
  
Everyone chuckles and Rin stands to reaches out a hand. “We made cookies. Do you want some?”  
  
She nods with more of her characteristic vigor and lets him lead her off the porch. They gives her a wider berth than necessary and Aki grins at their cautiousness. Nobody speaks as Namiko soaks in the house, gaze sweeping the living room and the connecting kitchen. Her eyes linger on family photos before she looks down at the shoes lining the entry way. She’s more than happy to pull her sneakers off, and it appears that someone at the foster center was brave enough to force her into a good scrubbing; she wiggles her clean toes into the carpet with a concentrated expression as she literally feels out the home.  
  
Namiko proceeds with the same action in different rooms, wiggling her toes against each new texture of hardwood, tile, or carpet. She doesn’t venture into any bedrooms in favor of following the sweet aroma of cookies to the kitchen. But when Sousuke brings the platter into the dining room for her to eat some, Namiko pauses at the table – specifically, the chairs. She doesn’t move to sit in one and looks conflicted.  
  
Aki notices the confusion that pulses through the room and she clears her throat, but it looks like she already knows what’s going on in Namiko’s head. “Nami, don’t you want to sit down?”  
  
The girl’s eyes trail all the way up the chair and it clicks in Sousuke’s mind – someone would have to pick her up to place her in the chair, and it’s too tall for her feet to touch the floor. He didn’t realize that even _chairs_ were going to be an issue for the girl.  
  
Either way, Sousuke nods toward the living room. “Do you want to sit on the floor in there? There’s carpet.” He’s not going to try and parent his way into making her do anything that she doesn’t want to right now. At least, not something as harmless as having odd seat preferences.  
  
Namiko lets out a breath of relief and nods, quickly leading the way into the living room. She plops on the floor as everyone sits on the various couches and she happily eats the cookies that Sousuke offers her.  
  
Aki looks pleased by his decision. She pats the girl’s hair, “Nami, I’m going to leave you here at Rin and Sousuke’s house, all right?”  
  
Namiko stops nibbling on her second cookie. She wipes the crumbs from her mouth and utters, “How long?”  
  
Sousuke tenses, but Aki smiles wider. “They’re going to be fostering you for a little while,” she says. “We’ll see how it goes, okay? You need to listen to them and be very nice; they’re going to be taking care of you.”  
  
“Kay,” she chews, going back to her cookie.  
  
Aki lifts her brows though her voice is playful. “You need to use all your manners while you’re here.”  
  
Namiko pauses, cheeks stuffed as she blinks. She quickly swallows and sits up straighter. “Yes ma’am.”  
  
“Good girl.” Aki sweeps her bangs back to kiss her forehead. “You’re sweet and you’re brave. I’m so proud of you.”  
  
Rin and Sousuke walk her out while Gou looks for something to watch on the television for the girl. Aki hands them a folder, saying, “This is the number to Namiko’s pediatrician.” She levels their gazes. “She _will_ get sick while she’s with you; her immune system is too weak for it not to happen, but don’t panic. Just call this number, they’ll let you know what you need to do. It’s usually just a cold that all kids get, so give her lots of love and fluids and she should be fine.”  
  
Rin pales but manages a nod. Aki pats her belly and departs, “I’m off to wait for this little guy, but text me if you have any questions.” She hugs them both once more. “You’ll do great. I know you will.”  
  
Once the door closes, they go back to the living room, and Namiko’s choice of television shows is interesting – it’s one of those channels for dogs that are supposed to keep them entertained while their owner is away. Namiko keeps her eyes trained on the screen, which shows a forest scape with the occasional squirrel racing through the leaves. After an hour of doing this, Sousuke concludes that the girl must have the most powerful imagination known to mankind.  
  
Rin looks like he’s about to combust from boredom and Sousuke grins, saying, “Namiko, do you want to put your stuff in your room?”  
  
She nods and stands, waiting for him to offer his hand while she chews the last cookie. He and Rin guide her down the hallway and she opens the door on her own, halting in her steps. She drops her backpack in a total stupor with her jaw hanging. She stumbles around numerous times to take in the bedroom, and her gaze stops on Rin and Sousuke. _“Nami’s_ room?”  
  
“Yes,” Rin smiles, leaning on the doorframe. “All yours.” It looks like her brain is hay wiring. He and Sousuke grunt as she embraces their legs; Rin startles and pats her hair fretfully. “Sweetie, what –”  
  
She laughs as she flops on her bed, bouncing where she sits. “It’s so pretty. Nami’s bed is pretty.” She runs her little hands over the pillows. “Nami’s bed.” She hasn’t even noticed that her feet aren’t touching the floor.  
  
Sousuke’s heart clenches and he takes a breath to compose his voice. “That’s right, that’s Nami’s bed.”  
  
She grins and runs around to look at everything, patting it, picking it up, making a mess in her excitement though neither of them could dare to care. Rin steps into the hallway, dragging Sousuke with him to seize his collar. “She’s too sweet, Sousuke, it’s gonna kill me, it’s _really_ going to kill me –”  
  
“I know.” Sousuke falls into him, so wonderfully miserable with emotion. “I know.”

* * *

After playing with Namiko in her room all day, Sousuke is exhausted. Rin asks her what she wants for dinner – _anything_ that she wants, and they’re overjoyed to learn how much she likes meat. Namiko devours a six-ounce steak by herself after Rin cuts it up for her, still preferring to sit on the floor while she eats.

Thankfully, she gets tired from the rush of carbs. Sousuke reads to her; he and Rin tuck her in. Namiko fits perfectly in Sayaka’s pajamas and fiddles with the sparkly buttons while Rin fluffs her pillows. His features are soft in the pink blush of her nightlight. “Comfy?”  
  
She nods and wiggles her toes under the covers, kicking them off to expose her feet. Rin pats her hand and says, “Come and get us if you need anything, okay? We’re right down the hallway.”  
  
Again, she nods, and Sousuke notices that she hasn’t been very expressive since they put her in bed. She’s quiet as she glances around the bedroom, eyes hovering on the closet and the window.  
  
When he flops in bed with Rin in their own room, Sousuke grunts, “Well, that went better than I thought it would.”  
  
“Yeah,” Rin sighs, pulling the covers over them both. He props up on an elbow, rolling his neck to let out the day’s tension. “She’s so… quiet. Even while we were playing with her, it’s like she doesn’t want to ask us for anything.”  
  
“She’s probably just nervous. Hell, I’d be too.” He tucks his arms under the pillows as they both look up at the ceiling. “It’ll probably just take a while for her to come out of her shell.” Rin pouts and Sousuke cups his cheek, jostling it. “I know you’re wanting the whole ‘kid’ experience now, but just give it time. She’ll come around.”  
  
Rin snuggles into his chest and Sousuke plays with his hair as his husband whispers, “Can you believe we have a kid now? She’s actually in the house with us. Oh my god.”  
  
“Yeah,” he chuckles in the dark. “That’s kind of how this works.”  
  
Rin bites his pec. “Shut up. Kiss me.”  
  
Sousuke laughs as he complies, giving him a lingering peck. Sousuke sighs into it, bliss fogging up his mind. “Sleep good.”  
  
“Mm, you too.”  
  
Midnight rolls around and Sousuke’s _just_ slipped into that state before unconsciousness swallows him whole, then there’s a knock on the door. He jerks awake and Rin grumbles as he flicks on the nightstand lamp. The two of them sit up when Gou peeks inside. “Hey,” she whispers. “I went to check on Namiko and she’s, uh. Sleeping on the floor.”  
  
Rin stares at her in disbelief before throwing the covers off. “I’ll go,” he mumbles to Sousuke, who takes the opportunity to hide his face in the pillows once more.  
  
Rin thanks his sister before he enters Namiko’s room. He’s surprised to see her awake, sitting up on the floor and looking horribly guilty. “Hey,” he greets, voice hushed as he sits down beside her. Rin grimaces when his joints protest. “What are you doing down here all by yourself?”  
  
She fiddles with the tassels on her pillows, which she brought into the floor with her. Namiko shrugs and keeps her feet buried in the carpet. Rin sighs, wrapping her up in a hug that she leans into, and he pecks her hair before wincing a smile. “It can’t be very comfy down here.”  
  
She sleepily traces his forearm tattoos and he looks up at the bed. “Would it help if I stayed in here with you for a little while?” He ruffles her messy hair. “I always sleep better when someone’s around.”  
  
Namiko considers, shooting the bed a distasteful look before climbing up in defeat. Rin tucks her in once more and lets her play with his hand, her eyes drooping as she traces each line of ink.  
  
Namiko puts up a good fight against sleep, but she loses after about thirty minutes. For some reason, Rin feels shameful about leaving her alone. He leaves her door open, conflicted as he climbs back in bed with Sousuke. “What the hell?” his husband croaks, leeching to him. “You’ve been gone all night.”  
  
“Not even an hour, more like.”  
  
“Did she go back to sleep?”  
  
“Yeah, but I don’t like that I left her…”  
  
“Mmph.” Sousuke buries his cheek against Rin’s stomach, yawning. “Let me get back to sleep and you can go back in there.”  
  
Rin laughs, “Ass.” Sousuke’s arms weigh him down as they cuddle, and his warmth lulls Rin to sleep despite his better judgement.    
  
It’s a dreamless sleep, a full eight hours that almost makes him go brain dead, he needed it so badly. Rin wakes slowly, appreciating how warmth embraces him from all sides; he listens to Sousuke’s breaths, a simplicity that nothing in the world compares to.  
  
Rin bristles when he notices another set of exhales; he also registers the little hands wrapped around his arm. His eyes open, squinting in the late morning, and his heart stops.

Namiko snuggled her way in between him and Sousuke in the night. Her arms are around Rin while her foot is smushed against Sousuke’s face, and his husband continues to snore. Rin’s delighted that Namiko snores just as loudly.  
  
He grins to himself and lies back down, pushing Namiko’s mess of curls out of her face. Rin closes his eyes as a comfort like none other sends him back to sleep well into the afternoon.

* * *

The next month is eventful for Sousuke in ways that will last a lifetime.  
  
Everyone meets Namiko at Gou’s farewell party and Sousuke’s glad to have found a family that adores all her primal traits, rather than tries to whisper concerns to him in private. Asahi is thrilled to have another kid around; he’s the favorite uncle among Seijuro’s children and Namiko stares at Asahi’s hair rather than his face when he talks, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Makoto and Haru met the girl earlier, and Makoto nearly died she was so sweet; Haru was quiet, though he found a sort of kinship with Namiko since they were both born in the outskirts. He watched her eat on the floor with grim understanding, and he carried a sympathy that no one else in the room could dream of comprehending.  
  
Namiko likes the beach where they hold Gou’s party, but Sousuke’s positive it’s only because she gets to keep her shoes off without it being considered socially odd. Seijuro’s kids try to play with her but after Namiko pushes Shouta and makes him cry, Sousuke and Rin hang back from everyone, embarrassed and unsure how to reprimand the situation. Rin coaxes the girl into apologizing to Shouta’s parents, and Namiko looks ashamed when she realizes that Aki is Shouta’s mother.  
  
Namiko even tells Shouta himself that she’s sorry, but the one-year-old won’t stop crying and is not having it, so Namiko plays by herself the rest of the gathering. Sousuke and Rin sit with her in the sand and Sousuke’s voice turns stern, though quiet. “Why did you push him?”  
  
Namiko’s eyes flash. “He grab my stuff!”  
  
“He would have given it back to you after he was done playing with it,” Sousuke says, not placating her rage. “He wasn’t going to take it. His sister let you play with her stuff.”  
  
There’s a retort hot on her tongue before Rin gently shakes his head. “That wasn’t fair of you, Namiko. Just because you share doesn’t mean they’re going to keep it.” He tips his head back toward the Mikoshibas. “Shouta was trying to be your friend.”  
  
“Don’t want any,” she says, though her stubbornness is weak. Her words are on autopilot.  
  
Rin sighs but doesn’t say anything more, body lined with the stress of this impending problem.  
  
The night holds some softer moments that Sousuke will remember in dark times. Rin sits in the sand with his back to Sousuke’s chest, trying to look for stars in the smog, and it’s no surprise that Rin always finds them. Namiko climbs into Rin’s lap, too tired to be stubborn, and they watch her fall asleep.  
  
They wonder if moments like this are meant to be once in a lifetime for people like them. They worry if their time with Namiko will be a brief and frustrating lament or forever. Sousuke doesn’t want to imagine moving on; living in Iwatobi, being who they are, he and Rin know about letting go. They’re not good at it.  
  
That night on the beach, Makoto asks Haru to marry him. They’re far down the shore alone together when Makoto gets down on one knee, and the sight makes Sousuke believe that there just might be a reason behind everything they’ve endured. The thought feels more like fact seeing Namiko in Rin’s arms.  
  
A few weeks later, Aki goes into labor. Sousuke gets a frantic phone call from Seijuro at 4 AM, blabbering about Sousuke covering his shift while Shouta and Suki wail in the background. Sousuke agrees and he and Rin take Namiko to see the new baby that afternoon once his surprise shift is over. The baby is on the stout side with Aki’s pale-ginger hair and startingly bright eyes like Seijuro’s.  
  
When they ask her what his name is, Aki says, “Kazuki.”  
  
Then Gou is set for her flight to her new school. Haru and Makoto say goodbye to her at the house, and Sousuke’s never seen Haru so close to crying like he just can’t let the girl go. Her friends cram into Sousuke’s car to join them on the drive to the airport, and Rin’s been crying for twelve hours straight but he sobers up when Gou hugs him one last time. “I’ll be fine,” she promises, squeezing the life out of him. Her eyes, visible over Rin’s shoulder, dart to the floor like she’s trying to convince herself of her own words. When Rin leans back to look at her, Gou’s expression relaxes into a smile.  
  
She kisses all over Namiko’s face until the girl falls into giggles, then Gou embraces Sousuke hard. Quieter than anyone else can hear, she says, “Take care of him.”  
  
He nods and pecks her hair.  
  
Just a few hours later, Sousuke can tell how difficult Gou’s absence is going to be. Memories resurface, once that he hasn’t thought of them in years – when Gou was trotting around as a ten-year-old and guiding Sousuke by the hand on a tour of the beach cabin; when he visited her at the foster center before Rin got her back. He’d buy her a soda at the center’s vending machines and he’d wait for her to finish drawing cards for her brother or Haru. He remembers her turning eleven when she and Rin moved into Sousuke’s house, and she was too shy to eat dinner with them for weeks. He and Gou bonded over boring Saturdays with reality shows that Sousuke still won’t admit to being interested in. She knew; Gou grinned and never told anyone.  
  
That night at dinner after she’s left for her new school, he and Rin are sitting at the table while Namiko eats dinner from the floor. The house feels empty. The television supplies noise but the air is dull and boring. Somber. Rin’s still sniffling while he pokes at his dinner and Sousuke looks up from his plate miserably. “I don’t know if I can do this.”  
  
Rin jerks up at the crack in his voice and long story short, Namiko quickly takes her plate to another floor while her foster parents stutter broken nonsense over tears and snot.    
  
Sousuke is sure that life cannot get any more emotionally overwhelming until Makoto and Haru ask Rin to be their wedding planner. As if Sousuke needed another reason to feel like an ass about his own wedding ceremony in an office with no air conditioning.  
  
But at least Rin has something new to obsess over, though he never strays from pouring all his affection into Namiko. Rin binges on all sorts of resources; he likes blogs and found one written by a foster mother whom insisted on the importance of allowing the child to sleep in their foster parents’ bed if the need presents itself, regardless of the child’s age.  
  
No matter how many nights they climb into their parents’ bed. Sleeping between them. Shoving feet in Sousuke’s face and pushing him to the coldest edge of the mattress.  
  
But it’s all fine, it’s _fine_ because that’s what Namiko needs, and Sousuke already vowed to make sure that she was happy despite his own comforts. Really, he’s handling it _great._  
  
However, after a solid _month,_ he suffers a slight breakdown that manifests itself when he bursts into Seijuro’s office at the police station and Sousuke barks, “I am about to fucking _die.”_  
  
Seijuro blinks up from his computer monitor, his ancient chair creaking as he leans back. He takes in Sousuke’s appearance – the unkept scruff, the dingey clothes, and the look in his bloodshot eyes that tells all. Seijuro steeples his fingers like he’s got all the goddamn answers. “Ah,” he sighs. “Come, sit. Let a fellow dad tell you all the joys of having sex with your hand for months on end.”  
  
“Listen.” Sousuke flops into the chair across from him and rakes his hands down his face, wedding ring catching on his stubble. “I’m _really_ not trying to make this a big deal –”  
  
“But you’re so horny that you cream your pants when the wind blows differently?” Seijuro gives a sage nod. “Been there, pal. I’m _still_ there.”  
  
Sousuke stares as adult contemporary churns low from the computer speakers. “Uh. Well, I’m not that bad yet. I’m just having trouble focusing.”    
  
“That’s valid. How long has it been? Just a rough estimate –”  
  
“Forty-two days.”  
  
“Ooph.” Seijuro cringes and salutes with his thermos. “Baby oil works better than lotion, that’s all I can tell you.” He snorts a laugh. “You poor bastard.”  
  
Sousuke buries his face in his hands, voice muffled. “How do you _handle_ it?”  
  
Seijuro considers, working his fingers through his hair in thought – the gel shines in the annoyingly loud fluorescent lights. Sousuke’s about to start twitching from all the buzzing. “Yazaki just had my fourth child, so the sympathy kind of helps. I feel like a dick, trying anything after she’s had a baby, so I just don’t for a while.” He shudders. “Tried that once and she had me changing _all_ the diapers for weeks. We can’t really do anything until her stitches heal up, anyway –”  
  
“Okay, just.” Sousuke throws a hand out as nausea churns. “Skip that part.”  
  
“Kids are demanding,” Seijuro chuckles with a shrug. “They tire me out so much that sometimes I just wanna pass the hell out and go to bed, but…” His gaze becomes distant. “Yazaki’s got this nightgown and it’s not even supposed to be sexy –”  
  
“Get a goddamn grip, will you!” Sousuke tosses the nearest folder at him. “I’m the one who’s jacking off twice a day like a fucking freak, _help me.”  
  
_“Okay, look.” Seijuro catches the folder one-handed before bracing his arms on the desk. “Have you considered just putting the move on Rin?”  
  
He isn’t prepared for the next folder Sousuke hurdles at him. “The fuck, _have I put the move on him,_ that’s all I’ve been doing!”  
  
“I don’t mean like, rubbing wood all over him while he’s making coffee, I’m talking early 2000s R&B _seduction.”_ Seijuro points at him, waving his finger. “I might not be getting many homeruns these days, but I get closest to that plate when I put on the ole Mikoshiba charm.”  
  
“You’re no help – _don’t-!”_  
  
Seijuro is unsympathetic as the tossed folder slaps Sousuke in the face. He rolls his eyes. “Man, you got one of Iwatobi’s best strippers to marry you. There’s gotta be some romance in that constipated heart of yours.” Seijuro looks him over as he takes a loud sip from his thermos. “Not trying to lowball you, but Rin’s doing most of the work with Namiko, right?”  
  
Sousuke scowls and keeps the expression firm on his face.  
  
“Not saying you aren’t doing a _shit ton,”_ Seijuro rephrases, holding a hand up. “I know having a kid in the house is hard on you, too. I just mean that Rin’s naturally good with kids, so she’s probably spending a lot of time with him.” He lifts his brows, trying to make him understand. “And he’s giving her a lot of attention, rather than you?” He leans forward as Sousuke scowls harder. “That’s kind of where this whole blue balls situation came from? Am I right or am I right?”  
  
“What’s your fucking point, Sei?”  
  
“Like I said, kids are demanding.” He crosses his arms, shirt straining across his chest – he always wears his uniform a size too small. Sousuke’s mad it’s never lead to an embarrassing rip. “Rin probably needs to relax too, don’t you think?” He shoots a finger gun at him, teeth flashing in his smirk. “That’s where you come in. Literally.”  
  
“I hate you.”  
  
“Love you too, bro. Now get back to work or go check on Nii, I can’t have her _accidently_ using another one of our shitty coffee makers for target practice.”  
  
Sousuke throws a sly grin over his shoulder on the way out the door. “Your fault for not replacing it sooner.”  
  
“Take it up with the city budget council,” Seijuro drones as he scrolls through his computer. “And get your poor husband some damn flowers on the way home.”

* * *

Rin’s favorite bouquet is black roses, which is not only odd but also difficult to find. Not to mention it makes for an awkward conversation with any florist other than Asahi, so Sousuke finds himself at the Red Clove that evening. Asahi leaves his textbooks on the counter, puffing on a vape pen all the while. He makes a bouquet known in the shop’s catalogue as Nightfall – a dozen black roses with some red lilies and little embellishments of baby’s breath that look like spiderwebs.  
  
Sousuke leaves a tip after paying, wishes Asahi luck with his university classes, and hurries home. Echo lunges through the doggy door before Sousuke enters the house, and he’s dumbfounded at the sight before him.  
  
Magazine clippings pile over every surface with notepads and clipboards. Haru and Makoto sit on the couch amongst the fray; Rin is on the floor with Namiko leeched to his back, watching him scribble over a checklist.  
  
Everyone besides Rin turns to look at Sousuke. Even Winnie acknowledges him, barking and jumping up Sousuke’s legs with the hope that he brought her a treat. He shoos her away before Makoto laughs, “Hey.”  
  
“Sup.”  
  
“Hi honey,” Rin says without looking up from what he’s doing.  
  
Sousuke tries not to deflate, standing there like an idiot with this goddamn Halloween arrangement in his arms. “Hi.”  
  
“We’re doing wedding stuff,” Makoto says, alight with glee as he snuggles his arms around Haru’s waist.  
  
“I see.” Sousuke toes off his shoes, shrugs off his jacket and gun belt. Watches them, waiting for Rin to just look at him.  
  
Okay well, he can’t just fucking stand here letting the bouquet drip in the awkward silence, so he heads for the kitchen. Sousuke ruffles Namiko’s hair as he passes, and her smile makes him feel a little more comfortable.  
  
After he’s left the bouquet in a vase, he wanders back into the living room with his customary vodka and Sprite in hand. Namiko watches him curiously as he flops into his recliner to flip on the television. She eyes the badge gleaming from his waistline and says, “You go to work?”  
  
He follows her gaze to his side. “Oh. Yeah, I went to work today.”  
  
She doesn’t respond, though she pouts a little as she resumes making a collage out of magazine scraps. Her question confuses him – Sousuke’s sure that she has a general understanding of how society works and that adults have jobs, but her tone appeared sad. He’s been taking a few more shifts than usual, but… it’s not like she notices that.  
  
Makoto looks at him like he’s an idiot, but Rin speaks up. “So, what colors were two thinking of having in the wedding?”  
  
“Um…” Makoto thumbs a denim slash over Haru’s thigh as they glance at each other. “Well, I like green?”  
  
“I like blue,” Haru says. Sousuke turns the news down subtly, brows raising.  
  
Rin actually looks pained. “Those aren’t exactly complementary. We could try a seasonal palette instead. What’s your favorite time of the year?”  
  
“Summer,” Haru answers. Makoto’s is fall.  
  
Rin’s eye twitches. “How about cool versus warm tones?”  
  
Makoto likes warm. Haru, of course, appreciates the exact opposite. Sousuke’s damn near smug as he takes a drink.  
  
He might not get laid or even kissed that night, but Sousuke considers it entertaining to say the least. Makoto and Haru throw walls in front of every vision that Rin tries to create – the couple disagrees on everything _possible,_ from cake flavors to venues. If Haru likes having a menu, Makoto wants a buffet; Makoto gets excited over rustic decorations while Haru wishes for simple things.  
  
“You know what,” Rin shrills as the couple spats over churches versus beaches. “I like the green and blue color scheme, that’ll be perfect. _Hell.”_ He wipes his brow. “Sousuke, can you make me a drink?”  
  
“Sure,” he pipes, hopping to his feet with the delight of being acknowledged. Makoto and Haru look sheepish when Sousuke brings Rin a whiskey and coke, and Rin sighs, “What’s your budget for the wedding?”  
  
Makoto laughs and that’s answer enough.  
  
“Right.” Rin looks upward in a plea for strength.  
  
After another hour, the couple leaves looking embarrassed with one another, and Sousuke’s disappointed that he won’t be present for the _real_ argument, but he lays his tackiness to rest. He sighs and resumes watching the local news, though it just makes him feel heavy since it’s too depressing. He keeps watching it. Maybe that says something about how sad he is with his own loneliness.  
  
Rin gasps from the kitchen. “Nami, look at these pretty flowers!”  
  
Sousuke dashes into the next room but slows in the doorway, trying for casual confidence. Rin inhales against the bouquet and grins at his husband. “You sly thing.”  
  
Sousuke chuckles – yep, he’s totally sly and suave and all the above, _definitely “_ snuck” those flowers into the kitchen instead of shoving them in a vase all rejected like.  
  
He’s surprised that Namiko lets Rin pick her up so the girl can smell the flowers on the counter. Her bare feet sway happily and Sousuke feels a pang in his chest.     
  
When Namiko’s ready for bed, she bounds into her parents’ room without second thought, and Sousuke is – struggling. Actually, he’s about to snap in half from sexual frustration, but since he’s tipsy, he can admit to himself that he really just misses getting to be selfish with his husband’s affection. He is jealous. There, he said it. Mentally.  
  
Rin’s washing the dishes and Sousuke dares to lean against the counter. He asks Rin, “How was your day?”  
  
“It was so nice, me and Namiko took Winnie to the park for like, hours. I took way too many pictures.”  
  
“Oh, that’s – that’s great.” He taps a finger against the counter. “My day was pretty good too. It was mostly office work, but it wasn’t bad.”  
  
“Mm.” Rin’s too busy smiling at his own memories to have much response.  
  
None of this is going to be easy, is it? Sousuke worries his lip, hesitating before wrapping his arms around Rin from behind.  
  
Rin tenses, looking down at the sink like he really needs to get these dishes washed. Sousuke offers, “I can finish them for you.”  
  
Rin clears his throat, gently shrugging him off to get away from the uncomfortably warm contact; Rin’s still flushed from making dinner on the stove. He keeps his eyes on his task as he mutters, “It’s fine, I’m almost done.”  
  
“I don’t mind doing it –”  
  
“I said it’s okay, Sousuke.”  
  
Sousuke glances away as his expression sharpens but he manages to smooth it over and refocus, coming forth with a genuine heart. “Is there anything else I could do?”  
  
“No, just go read to Nami or something.”  
  
Rin doesn’t seem to realize that this is the first time he hasn’t been in the same room as Namiko for _weeks,_ and Sousuke’s voice is a bit too tight. “I think she’ll be fine by herself for two minutes.”  
  
Rin bristles and goes absolutely still.  
  
The running faucet is the only noise between them as Rin turns around, slow and rigid. He doesn’t falter in meeting Sousuke’s gaze, but Sousuke flinches when Rin pushes the faucet off. “Somethin’ you wanna say?”  
  
Sousuke’s exasperation gets the best of him. “Don’t you think you might need a break? I know you’re happy, but you’re exhausted, too.” Quieter, he tries, “This is consuming all your time, Rin –”  
  
“Do you not get that is _literally_ what having a baby is?” His irritation burns into something hotter, climbing through him like a nasty flame.  
  
Sousuke fumes a breath and shakes his head stubbornly. “She’s not a baby, she’s –”  
  
“She is _my_ baby,” Rin snaps, stepping up to him with tangible waves of defensiveness. He pushes a finger into Sousuke’s chest. “And she’s _yours,_ too.”  
  
“I know,” Sousuke placates. “I know that, and I want her here but I –” _I need you too.  
  
_Rin reads his eyes so well that it’s as if Sousuke spoke the words aloud. He scoffs, face twisting. “Are you kidding me? This is all about you not getting _fucked?_ That’s the only reason why you got flowers and you're hugging me and pressing your shit all over me?”  
  
“No,” Sousuke rushes, though the slight truth to it makes him sick with himself. His anger grows at the fact that Rin thinks so little of him. “You really think that’s all I miss? You don’t even register that I’m right goddamn here!”  
  
The dogs start barking, panicked by their volume, and the stress of the argument shoots up. _“Because you’re barely home!”_ Rin lists off his fingers, “You never try to go anywhere with Namiko, you’re taking every work shift you can get –”  
  
“I have to!” He fumbles through an exasperated gesture. “What, you just want me to quit work when we’ve got bills to pay, huh?”  
  
“You know that’s not the only reason why you aren’t here,” Rin yells just to be louder than him. “Any time you’re actually home you just wanna sit there and let me do all the goddamn work.”  
  
“Because I told you I was going to be fucking miserable at this!” His shout cracks. “And _you_ know that I’m trying but since I’m not doing it the way _you_ want, you think I’m not doing shit!”  
  
Rin cranes back sharply. “She asks about you,” he deflects, expression pinching. “She wants to know why you aren’t with us and she _misses you.”_ He towels off his hands, flings it into the sink and leaves the dishes there. He shoves past Sousuke. “That’s why she asked you if you were at work today, asshole.”  
  
The bedroom door slams closed and Sousuke works his jaw. His heart races with indignation as his body runs hot, tongue rolling over words that he didn’t get to say.  
  
He toes on his shoes and throws the back door open to stomp across the yard. Makoto and Haru still have their porch light on, helping Sousuke snatch up the extra key hidden under a sunflower pot before he flings open their door.  
  
He screams, Makoto wails, and Haru moans for an entirely different reason.  
  
The shock of it throws Sousuke to his knees as he covers his eyes and bellows, _“I thought you were fucking fighting!”_  
  
_“We were!”_ they snap in unison. Sousuke assumes said-fight occurred _before_ Haru shoved Makoto up onto the counter and slammed balls-deep inside of him. Sousuke doesn’t want to think about the particular choreography of the situation, so he stumbles outside and hurries toward his car to seek out somewhere nice and quiet to bleach his eyes.

* * *

His broken mental state is no better when Nao opens the door while hiding a pistol behind his back. By way of greeting, Sousuke whispers, “I never want to see another naked person again.”  
  
Nao’s face scrunches in confused amusement and he lets the poor bastard inside.  
  
The Kirishima’s couch is horrible to put it politely, but this is where Sousuke finds himself that night, covered by a blanket that reeks of Natsuya’s Marlboro Reds. He tosses and turns, frustrated at how the couch springs squeak so embarrassingly loud, he’s frustrated at Rin, frustrated at himself, frustrated with the goddamn _air_ around him. He’s exhausted yet restless; his brain feels swollen and tight in his skull.  
  
By 2 AM, Sousuke considers apologizing – he’s been a dick and he can’t quite admit that yet, but he can at least tell Rin that he’s sorry. He wants his bed and he craves the way Rin breathes while he sleeps. He even misses the way Namiko kicks him mid-slumber. Sousuke would call to apologize but he forgot his cell phone while making a show of storming out of the house, so he vows to go home tomorrow and beg forgiveness.  
  
Not even such a deal with himself allows Sousuke to find rest.  
  
The Kirishimas stir around 7 AM so he decides to give up on sleep. Sousuke’s joints crack as he sits up, blinking like a mole in the light. Nao is dressed in pastel scrubs when he offers Sousuke some coffee with a knowing look; Natsuya smokes by the window as he watches the sunrise with tangible anticipation, his dramatic demeanor at odds with his construction uniform.

Natsuya sighs when color blooms from the horizon line. “Nothing more beautiful than a new day.”  
  
Sousuke finds himself agreeing, though not to such an artistic degree. Natsuya crosses his ankle over his knee as he regards Sousuke – his chair is a faded Victorian piece, an old beauty. “Problems at home?”  
  
Sousuke’s jaw twitches at Natsuya’s glee for a peek at someone else’s drama. “Something like that.”  
  
“Something a lot like that, I dare say.” Natsuya smirks, eyes still half-lidded with sleepiness. His head lulls to the static-laced noir music from the record player, which the Kirishimas seem to listen to every morning, rather than the news. Natsuya rests his cigarette between his two longest fingers – the middle and the ring one. “Rin feels emotions to his core,” he sighs. “As I’m sure you know.”  
  
Sousuke arches a brow because _that’s_ an understatement. Natsuya chuckles, “He’s got a beautiful heart, but he’s not used to the privilege of loving many things at once.” He flexes his hand and the wings of his sparrow fly with the motion. “People like us cannot love anything without waiting for it to be taken away and it’s not a healthy way to live. That’s why all of us –” He taps the sparrow to emphasize Freebird. “Love things a bit too much. We’re waiting.”  
  
“You normally talk about shit like this at the crack of dawn?”  
  
“Philosophy is the key to understanding,” Natsuya grins. “Love is nothing but philosophy, no?”  
  
Nao huffs as he steps out of the kitchen, leaning on the doorframe. “I apologize for him, Sousuke – Natsuya means that Rin just needs some time to adjust to having both you and Namiko in his life.”  
  
Natsuya folds a hand over his heart. “Yes darling, thank you for –”  
  
“Don’t smoke in my house, Natsuya, go outside.”  
  
There’s a knock on the front door and the three of them jump. Tension shoots through the room and Sousuke rises to his feet on instinct; Natsuya pulls a handgun from the coffee table drawer, gesturing for Nao to stay back, though his husband ignores this to hover behind him with his own pistol.  
  
Red and blue flashes through the curtains and Sousuke peeks through the window to see a police cruiser. It was parked in a rush, rammed across three different slots.  
  
Natsuya approaches the door, barking, “Who is it?”  
  
_“It’s Nii, open up!”  
  
_Nao’s forehead drops between Natsuya’s shoulder blades. Natsuya pulls open the door with a laugh, “You can’t just bang on someone’s door when it’s still dark out, Nii –”  
  
Something about her rips the voice from him, but Sousuke can’t see her. Nao straightens up, rent with urgency. “What happened?”  
  
“It’s – oh, _fuck.”_ Her shadow tells Sousuke that she’s folded her arms over her head, struggling to breathe. Tears harden her words. “Have either of you heard from Sousuke? Haru ain’t seen him since last night and he wasn’t at the station this morning.”  
  
Natsuya reaches for her in a daze. “Nii, what’s –”  
  
“I’m right here,” Sousuke says, stepping into her line of sight. Nii radiates a panicked heat and the look on her face punches the breath out of him. She’s in uniform but not put together, her eyes wild, skin drained pale from seeing something that made her want to fight the world.  
  
Sousuke smells the blood on her uniform before he sees it.  
  
Nii’s hand trembles as it falls on his shoulder, but her squeeze is firm. “I need you to sit down.”  
  
“No,” he snaps without realizing why. Something inside of him knows that he can’t just sit here, he needs to _go –_ where, he isn’t sure, but he’s dizzy. “What is it?”  
  
She keeps their gazes locked, but it’s a challenge for her. Her mouth firms into a line before it bursts open in a hollow sob. “Rin’s been shot.”

* * *

He fainted when Nii told him; he threw up when he came to, and his throat burns from it though he cannot remember a moment of the ordeal. Sousuke is numb to his body, which protests the aggression of his racing and heaving. It is as if he’s looking at the world from underwater – all noise is muffled, his own panting distant to his ears; life is blurry with distortion and the endless hallway to the Emergency Room is the brightest, most nauseating white. He chases the light – he will pull Rin out of it or chase him right into hell.  
  
Sousuke’s gut swoops when he falls and he’s crying but his voice is not weak – he shoves at the kind hands that touch him, roaring _where is my husband,_ all the faces around him deformed into monsters.  
  
Later, he will be surprised by the words that come hurdling out of his very core:  
  
_Where is my daughter?  
  
_“It’s an episode,” someone says. “He’s having an episode, let me –”  
  
The pain of it all lets him be maneuvered like a broken doll, and he’s shoved into what he wishes were a coffin, but it’s just a dark room. Sousuke collapses to his knees and hands shake him around the head. “Sousuke, _Sousuke –_ it’s me, it’s Makoto.”  
  
Sousuke’s gut lurches and he dry heaves, stomach rolling. He bows over the floor and it’s like ice against his forehead, making him shiver in a cold sweat. Grief becomes physical, acid flooding his throat, and he tries to scream but all that slips out is a croak. His head falls against Makoto’s thigh and Sousuke squeezes into the man – Sousuke is trapped in a storm, afraid that his own limbs are wrenching apart. “K-Kill me,” he begs into Makoto’s jeans. “Kill m-me.” _  
  
_A teary rasp. “Sousuke –”  
  
Sousuke’s bloodshot eyes widen, spittle flying through his gritted teeth. _“Kill me.”_ Makoto can do it right here in the dark away from everyone, Sousuke will be too grateful to scream.  
  
Makoto looks away, smearing across his nose. He gathers Sousuke up to rock him back and forth. “Rin isn’t dead,” Makoto whispers against his ear, forcing him to listen. “He’s not dead, Sousuke. He was shot but the bullet went clean through, he’s okay.”  
  
Coherence flickers through his mind in sharp prickles. Gingerly, Makoto helps him sit up, rubbing his arms to ground him. White dots throb across Sousuke’s vision as he looks at Makoto, who searches his face. “I’m telling you, _Rin is okay.”_  
  
Sousuke’s throat aches when he swallows. “Nami…” He _can’t_ brace himself for the worst. He’ll burn this city to the ground, _the whole fucking world –_  
  
“She wasn’t even with him, Rin dropped her off with me and Haru before – all that happened.”  
  
Relief bleeds through him in silent tears, and Makoto pulls Sousuke’s head against his chest. “Shh, you’re okay, it’s all okay. Come on, let’s get you up.”  
  
It’s like he’s drunk, he is so disoriented as Makoto helps him to his feet. Makoto braces both hands on his shoulders to keep him from wavering and says, “I can’t imagine how all this must feel and I won’t handle it nearly as well as you if anything ever happened to Haruka.” His touch grows firmer. “But Namiko is here and you can’t be acting like this in front of her. She’s scared, and she needs you. You have to pretend for her.”  
  
Sousuke takes deep breaths for a solid minute before he manages a nod. He trashes his uniform shirt since he puked on it, and Makoto straightens his short-sleeved undershirt, tucking it in so that Sousuke can at least look like he’s got one part of his life together.  
  
They step back into the blinding hallway and he lets Makoto guide him to the elevator. They step into the sprawling E.R. waiting room, where all sorts of people have their heads bowed in the somber quiet. Sousuke twitches as the receptionist’s phones blare; names and corresponding statuses roll down the television screens, but Makoto goes around them to a private room.  
  
Recognizable faces surrounded Sousuke, but he bypasses them all to crouch in front of Namiko’s chair. She looks surprised to see him and he check her over, patting her shoulders, arms, and hair. “Hey,” he sighs, trying for a smile. “You all right?”  
  
She fiddles with her dress, voice cautious and heartbreakingly soft. “Daddy sick?”  
  
Sousuke had no idea that she was already so close to Rin, and the guilt threatens to split him apart. “He’s okay,” Sousuke assures, sitting in the chair next to her. He rubs her back gently. “Daddy got hurt but doctors are taking care of him now.”  
  
“Oh.” Shyly, her eyes dart to the others in the room. She tugs Sousuke’s hand. “We go see him?”  
  
He hesitates, glancing at Makoto, who mouths, _“He’s in surgery.”  
  
_It’s a miracle that Sousuke keeps his voice steady. “We can see him in a little while.” He wraps Namiko’s little hand in his, sweeping his thumb across her fingers, and he’s never felt anything more soft. “Are you hungry? We can get something to eat while we wait on him.”  
  
He and Namiko travel to the cafeteria after Sousuke gets lost for fifteen minutes – a nurse has to _walk them_ to the proper floor when he can’t understand her directions, and Namiko giggles at his sheepishness. Sousuke might just have to pay for Makoto and Haru’s entire wedding, he’s so thankful that they’ve kept her calm.  
  
They take their breakfast to the hospital garden and eat together on the grass. Sousuke cannot stomach more than two bites and his hand quivers around his Styrofoam cup of coffee. The fresh air cools the fear-sweat on his skin, though he flinches at the echoing sirens from the other side of the hospital. He distracts Namiko from them by grinning. “I’m proud of you for wearing shoes.”  
  
It’s a tease and she makes a face, wiggling her toes in her sneakers. She shrugs. “They’re sparkly.”  
  
“At least there’s one good thing about them,” he chuckles before sobering up. “And I’m proud of you for sitting in a chair like a grown-up while you were waiting in there.” He nods back at the building.  
  
She digs her feet together. “It’s scary there.”  
  
“Yeah.” He nods weakly. “Yeah, it is. I don’t like it in there, either.”  
  
She perks up, holding her juice box in both hands. “We go home soon,” she says by way of reassurance.  
  
He doesn’t know how to tell her that Rin won’t be able to come home with them right away, so he doesn’t. Instead he takes her by the hand through the gardens, letting her chase squirrels and butterflies while he just tries not to collapse in the dirt.  
  
Hours later, he gets a call from Makoto and Sousuke rushes Namiko back to the waiting room, after needing _two_ different people to explain how to get there. Nitori is waiting in his scrubs, features heavy from working an overtime shift. Sousuke is sure that nobody could force Nitori to clock out once he discovered who the surgery was for.  
  
Sousuke bribes Namiko into staying with the rest of Freebird while Nitori takes him to Rin. “The police call was from Samezuka,” he explains on their hurry to the elevator. “So I’m assuming he was shot on his way into work. Nii answered the call and arrived on scene first, but she didn’t have the chance to ask Rin much before the ambulance got there.”  
  
Sousuke’s blood turns to fire. “The gunman wasn’t caught?” He hasn’t properly hunted someone down since Afghanistan but he’ll gut them with his own hands, his _teeth –_  
  
Nitori hesitates. “Not yet, but they will be.” He squeezes Sousuke’s arm. “Rin was coherent enough to give Nii a description. Trust me, every cop in Iwatobi is using every possible resource to find the person.” His crinkled eyes water. “Times have changed. This isn’t just some rentboy that was attacked –the sergeant’s husband was shot. Now it’s personal, and they will work harder.”  
  
Sousuke doesn’t like that marital status suddenly makes Rin’s life more important to the public, but his anger fades as he notices a woman waiting by a recovery room.  
  
Sousuke _feels_ Rin’s presence in the air, so close that it hurts – his heart lurches in a direction that he cannot see, reaching. The surgeon makes it quick. “No internal bleeding,” she says. “No arteries were hit. He was shot in the thigh, but it went clean through, so the surgery was primarily to assess the damage. There’s a few cuts and scrapes from the scuffle but overall, he came out like a rose.” Her smirk is tired. “Your husband is very lucky and very strong. Give him lots of love.”  
  
“I will,” Sousuke vows like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, and he shoots past her to stumble into the recovery room. He doesn’t take in any details; nothing is tangible outside of Rin’s body and there is no color in the world except for his hair. Sousuke would die to become color blind, save for that gorgeous hair.  
  
Rin’s panting from the exhaustion of just lying there and he looks _through_ Sousuke until his mind catches up with him. Recognition twitches across his face and his hand rolls off the bed with a pleading groan.    
  
Sousuke magnetizes to him, inhaling hard against his neck. He imagined crushing Rin in an embrace until they meld into one being, but he looks so frail that Sousuke can only drape an arm across Rin’s stomach and _cry.  
  
_“Shh…” Rin weakly kneads through Sousuke’s hair. “Shh, baby.” He presses their faces together, holding his dry lips against Sousuke’s cheek.  
  
“I messed up,” Sousuke rasps, drinking in Rin’s warmth until he shakes. “I messed up, Rin –” He cradles his face so carefully, watching his own fingers shake. “I didn’t mean any of it, I’m selfish and you’re right, I’m such an asshole –”  
  
“No, I’m an asshole,” Rin croaks, finding the strength to wipe through Sousuke’s tears. “I’m a dick and I was so fuckin’ mean to you, _fuck –”  
  
_Sousuke meshes their lips together as gently as he can, and Rin grabs his wrists, nails digging in. He forces Sousuke’s mouth open and Rin tastes like antiseptic and iron; just feeling him _move_ and getting to taste him again has Sousuke crying even harder. “I’m so – _so_ _sorry.”  
  
_“Me too.” His eyes close in bliss when Sousuke thumbs his tears away. “Let’s never fight again. I’m serious.”  
  
“Okay,” Sousuke rasps through a chuckle. He glances down at the blankets covering Rin’s legs and torment knifes him. He swallows the rage down in favor of pecking Rin’s forehead over and over. “I love you.” He cradles Rin’s lower lip between his two. “Only someone like you could make this the worst and best day of my life.”  
  
Rin twitches a smirk, his blinks getting longer. “Love you more.” A thought jolts him and the heart monitor kicks up. “Where’s Nami –”  
  
“She’s fine, Makoto and Haru have her.” He pets Rin’s hair in calming strokes. “Everything’s fine, we’re all fine. Don’t worry about anything, just go to sleep. Me and Namiko will be right here.”  
  
Rin’s medicine is too strong for him to argue, but he manages a scowl at his left hand. He slurs, “Th’ kid… he took my…” He flexes his fingers and Sousuke realizes that he’s talking about his wedding ring. It’s gone.  
  
He’s confused because the surgeon was a woman, not a “he,” and most definitely not a “kid”. Sousuke says, “It’s standard procedure for the doctors to take off your jewelry in surgery, they’ll give it back.”  
  
“No.” Rin’s brows crease as he fights sleep. “Th’ kid did it.”  
  
Sousuke blinks before it clicks. “You mean this was all just a robbery?”  
  
“Mmhmm. He took it.” Rin pouts at his ring finger.  
  
Sousuke smiles, taking his hand to kiss the bare finger. “We’ll get you another one. Whatever you want.”  
  
Rin’s expression softens, though he’s still pouting. His body hardens in determination. “I’ll jus’ get a tattoo. Can’t nobody take that.”  
  
“I’ll get one too, then. What should they be?”    
  
His husband rolls onto the side of his good leg and he gazes up at Sousuke. Rin just looks at him for a while, fingers lazing across Sousuke’s mouth. “You get a raven,” he whispers. “On your ring finger.”  
  
Sousuke teases, “I don’t have a bird symbol. What are you supposed to get for me?”  
  
Rin thinks, eyes half-lidded. “You’ll be my crow.”  
  
“Aren’t they the same thing?”  
  
“No,” Rin slurs, grinning. “Ravens are bigger n’ my dick’s bigger than yours.”  
  
Sousuke chuckles. “Whatever you say.” He kisses Rin and his lips might be slack, but there’s a faint sigh. “All right. I’ll be your crow.”

* * *

Rin sleeps throughout the day and well into the night, but Sousuke never leaves his side. Namiko curls up next to Rin on the bed, face buried in his side as she snores. The murmur of noise from the hallways slips away as does the beeping heart monitor. Sousuke’s used to the sterile odor by this point and his joints will be sore when he gets out of this chair, but he’s thankful for every inconvenience of this moment.  
  
He reaches for a gun that isn’t there when the door cracks open. Aki steps inside with flowers and her newest son in her arms. “Oh,” she breathes as her eyes land on Rin. Her brown irises darken with tears. “Oh.”  
  
She leaves the bouquet in the sink and embraces Sousuke; he holds Kazuki while Aki strokes Rin’s hair, smearing grime off his forehead. She keeps her voice soft. “He’s never been shot before.”  
  
“He handled it well. Nii told me that when she arrived on scene, Rin wasn’t scared. He wasn’t even crying, he was pissed the hell off and cussing.”  
  
“Sounds like him,” Aki laughs. She sobers up as she turns to Namiko, and Aki hesitates. “How’s she been?”  
  
Sousuke worries his lip, adjusting the cradle of his arms when Kazuki squirms in his sleep. “I haven’t been around her a lot. Working, and just being a coward.”  
  
She nods, gentle with understanding. “Sousuke, I’ll need to take Namiko back if you don’t think that you can handle her by yourself for a few weeks while Rin’s here recovering.”    
  
His eyes land on the girl. She snuggles deeper into Rin’s side, clutching his gown with a faint smile, and Sousuke says, “I can do it. I _want_ to do it.”  
  
Aki studies his expression. “Are you positive? There are no doubts at all?” She levels their gazes. “You have to stop taking so many shifts at work, she’ll need you by her side constantly. There will be no breaks. You’ll be her entire world until Rin comes home. It’s going to be really, really hard.”    
  
His soul speaks through him. “She’s my daughter. Nothing else matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so even though this is a spin-off, this is the bridge between the original story & the sequel, and now we're slipping more into a little bit of the sequel. i'm curious what you think will happen. and notice that chapter one is titled "raven" for rin, this was "crow" for sousuke, and there's one chapter left?? ;) tysm for reading. full blown fluff in the next chap. 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ohmacbetha) & [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/macbetha)


	3. magpie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, happy spring! thank you so much for your patience with this chapter; if you don't follow me on twitter, i've had some situations to deal with but am happy to be back in the swing of things. your support has strengthened me and just made me feel so much better over these last few months. thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> double upload since i liked the flow of two chapters better! i hope you enjoy.

* * *

 

Leaving Rin at the hospital is agony for Sousuke. Freebird takes rotating shifts to ensure that Rin is never alone while his gunman is at large, but he is Sousuke’s husband to protect when he’s restless with pain, swearing that his leg is on fire.   
  
However, Namiko is their daughter, and she needs Sousuke, too.   
  
He doesn’t know what the hell to do with her, though. Namiko was friendly enough while they were at the hospital with Rin, but once she found out that she’d be going home with only Sousuke, things changed. She started to get fussy and Sousuke can’t really blame her; Namiko sees Rin as her _father_ and now she’s going to be stuck with a big, awkward man that hasn’t spent much time with her.   
  
He’s determined to do his best. Rin tells him all of Namiko’s favorite foods (a cut-up burger with blue cheese, ew), explains all the things she likes to do (playing outside, hide-and-seek, will practice speech therapy for new dolls), and how to help her get to sleep (reading, cuddling, Sousuke  _will not_ sing but he’ll try humming). Things that make her violent include having her hair brushed, wearing shoes that aren’t open-toed, and clear jellybeans. Sousuke keeps a headache after that.  
  
Once they’re alone together in the house, Namiko seems out of place and Sousuke is no better. He asks if she wants lunch, to which she shyly agrees to, but she hides in her room while he cooks it. She thanks him for the food when it’s ready, yet her tone is robotic like she’s being polite to a stranger. Which she kind of is.  
  
She takes her plate to the dining room floor while he eats at the table, and he’s too nervous to reprimand her for sneaking bites of food to Echo and Winnie. They chew loudly in the silence. He should have turned on the television or something. What should he say? How does one start up a conversation with a three-year-old?   
  
He clears his throat. “Uh, so. Anything you want to do today?”   
  
She shrugs, keeping her eyes on her meal. All right then.   
  
“… do you want to go to the store with me later?”  
  
The girl looks at him like he’s stupid and yeah, he gets that. Buying groceries isn’t exactly something to get excited about. Shit, he needs to do better than that.   
  
Sousuke tries, “There’s an animal sanctuary close to the outskirts.” She frowns and he winces. “I mean, like, a zoo. If you want to go. There’s bears and stuff.” At least that’s what the newspaper said.   
  
Her eyes brighten and she nods. “Yeah. Wanna go.”  
  
He smiles. “Okay. We’ll go after lunch.”   
  
Namiko turns back to her food, though she keeps glancing at Sousuke from the corner of her eye. She looks embarrassed to be sitting on the floor, and Sousuke stares down at his plate on the table.  
  
She blinks when he eases down into the floor with her, watching him grimace as his joints crack. He forces his legs into the crisscrossed position, which is more difficult than he imagined since his body will forever be jammed up from carrying hundreds of pounds worth of gear across the desert. He manages to sit down and puts his plate on the floor beside hers, and Namiko meets his eyes when she smiles. 

* * *

Iwatobi’s animal sanctuary is lack-luster without any grand fanfare; there are no exotic breeds since the company’s focus is caring for local wildlife, and the exhibits are held in the dusty outdoors, but Namiko doesn’t mind the heat. Sousuke can barely keep up with her as she darts from cage to cage, slamming right up against the fence until Sousuke squawks and pulls her back.   
  
She lets him pick her up while they’re on a bridge that stretches across the bear exhibit below – it’s an acre of yellowed landscape and Sousuke reads the plaques to tell her about the three bears. All of them were rescued from the outskirts as cubs, after their mothers were killed by hunters. Namiko looks heartbroken, saying, “They don’t got mommies?”   
  
He pauses at how crestfallen she is. “No, but there’s lots of people who take care of them here.” He adjusts her in his hold and pats her hair. “I’m sure they’re happy.”   
  
He holds her firmly while she peeks over the railing, and another little girl bursts into tears when a hulking bear clambers under the bridge. She wails as he hauls himself up onto his back legs but Namiko giggles in delight, bouncing in Sousuke’s hold as she waves at the grizzly.   
  
Namiko enjoys the fish hatchery, which is an indoor exhibit that allows spectators to see underneath the pools. She pats her little hand against the glass to try and wake up some lizards and has a staring contest with a rattlesnake, which disturbs and fascinates Sousuke in equal parts.   
  
Namiko has the time of her life watching bobcats nap in the sunshine, but her favorite exhibit is the wolves. They’re kept on a small hill, one with a glass wall at the bottom for spectators. Namiko makes grabby hands at Sousuke and she mushes her face against the glass, too entranced to even think about howling. The wolves all nap on logs or beds of dirt, and they’re colored in russets and browns but one of them is albino. She stands out against the bland greenery, lazing her blue eyes open to watch Namiko’s hands move in an exuberant wave. Sousuke grins. “She has your hair color.”   
  
Namiko has never looked prouder.   
  
Sousuke pays way too much for a souvenir, but Namiko  _begs_  for the white wolf plushie in the gift shop and he couldn’t have possibly said no to her in that moment. He’s sure that this will be a reoccurring problem. There are worse things. 

* * *

Sousuke never gave Namiko’s maturity enough credit nor did he understand just how preceptive she is. After the day’s grime is washed off and she’s in her pajamas, Sousuke waits for her to bound into the master bedroom, but she looks at the door and wrings her hands together instead. She bows her head as she drags herself toward her own room.   
  
Sousuke frowns from where he’s leaning on the hallway wall. “Whatcha doing?”   
  
She peeks over her shoulder, voice hushed. “Shu’suke don’t like Nami in there.”   
  
Guilt blows through him until he’s sick with it. Sousuke beckons Namiko closer, kneeling to her eye-level. He opens his hands and Namiko blinks at them before taking his fingers, and Sousuke talks softly. “When Rin and I were arguing, that wasn’t your fault, okay? None of it was.” He levels their gazes firmly. “We both want you here – that means I do, too.” He squeezes her hands. “There’s nothing wrong with it if you can’t sleep by yourself for now. I don’t mind.”  
  
She makes a face. “You snore.”   
  
“So do you,” Sousuke scoffs, but he’s grinning.   
  
“Do not.”  
  
“Do too.” He lifts his brows when she goes to speak again. “I can do this all night, trust me.”   
  
Namiko sticks out her tongue and marches into the bedroom, hopping up on the mattress. She lifts her chin in challenge. “Read me a hundred books!”   
  
He rolls his eyes. “Can you even count to one hundred?”   
  
She puffs out her chest proudly and gets to eleven before she stammers. Namiko sighs like it exhausted her, then she perks up. “Read me ten books!”   
  
_“Maybe_ two.”  
  
“Three!”  
  
“… we’ll see.” 

* * *

Their schedule always begins with eating breakfast on the floor – which Sousuke’s body will never grow accustomed to – then they have free time. Usually they visit Rin at the hospital, other days they take the dogs to the park or play in the backyard, but Namiko likes going to the animal sanctuary the most. Sousuke learns that she doesn’t care for television unless it’s the dog channel or a livestream of eggs hatching in the forest; it’s so bizarre that he often makes Makoto and Haru come over to view the anomaly that is his daughter.    
  
The most stressful days include speech therapy. Rin had previously been taking her to a specialist that worked with the foster system, so the woman knows Namiko and how difficult she is. Sousuke, however, had no idea how much of a challenge the ordeal would be.  
  
He learns quickly that Namiko resents authority, particularly from adults that haven’t proved they are nice people. It takes her so long to warm up to anyone and as an introverted child, she doesn’t want to bother with giving anyone a chance. That’s a whole other set of issues, but Sousuke can’t change her personality by just telling her to do so.   
  
Namiko isn’t open to learning from a stranger so he tries to do her speech therapy himself in the comfort of their home. It’s an odd series of instructions – very slowly, he sounds out words like  _mats, cats, hats,_ then goes into basic sentences with flashcards. Namiko gets cranky fast, whines that she wants to play instead, and that is how Sousuke finds himself tricked into having a tea party to bribe her into finishing the lesson. At least nobody is around to witness it.   
  
Namiko gets sick like Aki said she would, and Sousuke  _cannot_ handle it. She wakes up flushed with chills and her breathing rattles; Sousuke hurdles over the fence to Makoto’s house and bangs on the door for a thermometer. Sousuke jumps back over the fence like he’s escaping gunfire and launches back in the bedroom to take her temperature.   
  
He calls Rin, keeping one hand over Namiko’s damp forehead. Sousuke rushes, “I don’t know if she caught something, she was fine last night but now she’s burning up, what if it’s a virus or  _polio –”_  
  
_“That’s an eradicated disease.”_ Rin pauses.  _“I think. I mean, she’s vaccinated, so it’s not that –”  
  
_“Her temperature is high. Oh my god. Do I need to take her to the doctor? Or do I just go Emergency Room?” Namiko’s bloodshot eyes widen and he pets her hair, but he’s shaking.   
  
_“Whoa, whoa, no! It’s just a small fever, she doesn’t even need to go to a regular doctor until it’s been high for like, days. It’s probably just a little bug.”_ Rin’s voice softens.  _“Make her some soup and cuddle her, keep an eye on her temperature but don’t stress out.”  
  
_Sousuke leaves her tucked in before hurrying to the kitchen. He hisses,  _“Don’t stress out?_  Three-year-olds can’t just  _get sick,_ Rin, it’s immediately an emergency –”  
  
_“Actually, babies handle fevers way better than we do,”_  Rin chuckles.  _“If I had the same fever that a baby can withstand, I think I’d have brain damage. But babies can still play at that point.”  
  
_Sousuke shudders. He’s going to have a complete breakdown if Namiko’s fever gets even slightly higher. He lets the soup heat on the stove and digs through the medicine cabinet in the hallway bathroom. “Can she have real people cough syrup?”  
  
There’s humor in Rin’s pause.  _“You mean adult cough syrup?”  
  
_“Whatever.”  
  
_“All the kid medication is on the top shelf, not the bottom one. Look up.”  
  
_Sousuke does so and blinks. “Oh. Wow, you thought of everything.” He squints at the labels and decides on cough syrup; as he measures it out, he sighs, “I feel like she’ll just explode if I give her too much of anything.”   
  
His husband’s voice warms.  _“You’re doin’ real good babe, I promise. Just watch her fever and try to get her to take a nap.”  
  
_He braces a hand on the counter as emotion swells in his throat. “I miss you.” Quieter, he admits, “I’m fucking lost.”  
  
_“I know,”_ Rin whispers with the hint of a teasing smile.  _“Sorry I haven’t been able to offer much phone sex.”  
  
_“It’s okay, I know you’re exhausted.”  
  
_“I’m still pissing in a bag so I don’t know if I can even get hard. I feel like it’d hurt.”  
  
_Sousuke has a sharp pain in his groin at the thought. “You have a  _piercing_ that goes all the way through your cockhead but you can’t handle a catheter?”   
  
_“The piercing is called an apadravya, you uncultured swine,”_ Rin says.  _“And don’t act like it weirds you out –”_ His mouth presses closer to the receiver, voice nothing but breath.  _“When it feels so good inside you.”  
  
_Tension burns in his gut. Sousuke taunts, “Think you’ll be up for making me feel good when you get home?”  
  
_“My dick will literally be up for it, promise.”_ Rin licks his lips with a slick noise.  _“Actually –”  
  
_“Shit, I hear Namiko coughing.”    
  
_“WAIT, I’M HARD –”  
  
_“Gotta go, love you, bye.”   
  
Rin cranes back when the call cuts off. He stares at the screen, the reflection of hospital fluorescents glaring back at him. He looks down between his thighs miserably, fidgets and glances around, then he dials another number.   
  
Someone picks up.  _“Hello?”  
  
_“Hey, Haru. Quick question: you remember when you were in the hospital?”   
  
“…  _duh?”  
  
_Rin says, “I know good and damn well that you and Mako fooled around before you were discharged, so I have a quick and slightly dire inquiry: when you had a catheter, did you come in the bag or did the glass tube, like,  _explode_ and _–_ hello? Hey, you there? Shit.” 

* * *

Sousuke’s never been more stressed out than while Namiko is sick. His eyes stay watered, he feels so damn guilty every time she rattles a cough or flops down on the pillows miserably. He pats her forehead with a damp rag and coos praises when she takes her medicine; he never leaves her side, watching as many hours of the forestry channel as she wants on the bedroom television.  
  
Namiko gets worse in the night – her fever spikes and she has coughing fits every few minutes. Sousuke keeps a cool hand on the back of her neck, thumb stroking the contours of her head while she sits up and heaves. Afterward, she flops in the pillows, spent. “Hate bein’ sick,” she croaks, gleaming sweat in the lamplight.   
  
“I know,” Sousuke mumbles, patting her face with a rag. It’s one in the morning, so he checks her temperature again. “Your fever is going down, though. It’ll be over soon.”   
  
She grumbles and curls up in a ball against his chest – it can’t be comfortable for her since she’s so warm, but she’s greedy for comfort and Sousuke cradles her close. “You’ve been really strong,” he says, patting her hair. It’s a nightmare of tangles since she’s been in bed all day.   
  
Namiko rubs her cheek, which is flaky with dryness. “Don’t wanna go to ‘ospital.”   
  
“You won’t need to this time.” He smiles down at her and his vision is blurry with exhaustion. “But even if you did, I’d be there. It’d be okay.” It’s amazing that he can speak such words when the thought of that scares the life out of him.   
  
He listens to Namiko’s breathing rattle in the quiet. She cuddles into his shoulder. “Don’t wanna go.” She vices her hands around his shirt and Sousuke knows that Namiko might have really made a place for herself, in this house and the people around her. She rasps, “Don’t wanna go nowhere.”   
  
He rests his cheek on top of her head. “You don’t have to. You’re home.” 

* * *

After two days of restless sleep and coughing through the night, Namiko’s fever breaks. Sousuke takes her out for ice cream because at this point, he honestly needs it as much as she does. He’s hesitant but thinks it’s a good time for her to attempt at socializing, so he accepts Seijuro and Aki’s invitation to dinner that evening.  
  
The Mikoshibas live in an impressive suburb on the higher end of the middle-class spectrum; all the homes are two stories with at least one Mercedes in the driveway and Sousuke shudders to think about the H.O.A. fees. He’s blessed to have married someone that was willing to make his shitty bachelor pad a warm, welcoming home.   
  
He brings meat for Seijuro to grill on the patio and Sousuke keeps a close eye on Namiko as she plays with Sayaka in the backyard. Seijuro built his children all sorts of jungle gyms and slides, so there’s plenty for the kids to do, but Namiko seems very out of place. Luckily, Sayaka is a sweet girl and doesn’t mind swinging with her. Sousuke can hear her asking excited questions, to which Namiko shyly answers and toes the dirt.   
  
Seijuro fans the grill smoke and nods at the girls. “Nami doin’ better?”  
  
Sousuke sighs and nurses his beer. “Well, she hasn’t pushed anybody yet, so that’s a good sign.”  
  
“I reckon so,” Seijuro chuckles, flipping a patty. He sobers up and arches a brow. “How are you?” He shrugs through a gesture. “About Rin and stuff.”   
  
He tries to suppress the anger that burns up his chest and his voice tightens. “I just want the guy who shot my husband to be caught.” He takes a longer swig, throat working. “I won’t be able to take it if this becomes a cold case.”  
  
“I feel you,” Seijuro nods. He squeezes Sousuke’s good shoulder. “We’ll get him. You got me, Nii, and Momo working on the law side of things, and Freebird’s doin’ everything that we can’t.” Lower, he says, “Aki even asked that chick who used to run Honeyblade if she’s heard anything about someone targeting Rin.”  
  
Sousuke’s brows jump. “She talked to Nadia?”  
  
“Yeah, her. She hasn’t heard anything about it.” His expression firms. “Even if this is just some hit-and-run, we’ll find the little shithead. Ain’t nobody fucking with the family.”   
  
Sousuke was expecting dinner to be awkward since Namiko still hates eating in a chair, but Sayaka whines that she wants to be like Namiko and Sousuke’s thankful that the Mikoshibas don’t mind. Namiko sits on the dining room floor with Sayaka and her younger twin siblings, looking shell-shocked with a blush.   
  
He, Seijuro, and Aki take their dinner to the table and Namiko watches Seijuro hold Kazuki to let Aki eat in peace. A deep emotion settles into the girl’s features as Aki coos at the newborn, and she keeps her eyes on Aki the rest of the night – Namiko watches her sing in the kitchen with the twins and stares as Aki cuddles Sayaka living room.   
  
Namiko is quiet and has a heaviness to her motions. Sousuke has a feeling what it’s all about but dread weighs him down at the thought of addressing it. He’s forced to when they get home – Namiko’s silence has a resentment to it and Sousuke braces himself as he sits on the couch beside her. He’s feet away, on the edge with tension in his gut, but he keeps his voice gentle. “You all right?”  
  
At long last, Namiko looks at him and her eyes are pure steel. “I wanna see my mommy.”  
  
Sousuke feels sick. Why is this so hard? He’s a cop in fucking Iwatobi, he tells people that their loved ones are dead all the time. He tells parents that he found their kid cold and alone in an alleyway; he’s made those terrible house calls on birthdays, Christmas.   
  
But with Namiko looking at him like that, full of oblivious determination – Sousuke just loses his voice.   
  
She must see it in his expression because she cranes back sharply, angrily. Louder, she says, “Wanna see Mommy.”   
  
“Nami, honey –”  
  
_“Now.”_ Her shout cracks.   
  
Sousuke closes his eyes before they can water. “You know –” He swallows. “Namiko, you know that she’s…” His mouth firms into a line, tight and painful.   
  
His eyes fly open when she hits him.   
  
It doesn’t hurt but it startles the life out of him, her little fist colliding with his bicep. She does it again and again, using both hands and all the power in her voice to grit nonsense in a scream. She’s slinging tears and hiccupping and losing her mind with emotions that she can’t handle; Sousuke takes her hands to place them firmly at her sides and she thrashes, kicking him in the stomach.   
  
His breath punches out of him in a scoff and he crouches in front of her. “Stop.” She kicks him again and his torso hardens. “Namiko,  _stop it.”_    
  
_“Want Mommy,”_ she yells in his face, voice rising with hysteria.  _“Want Mommy, want Mommy!”_  
  
His ears ache and he lets her hands go. She bolts off the couch to rush to her bedroom and slams the door so hard that pictures fall off the wall. Glass explodes before silence envelops the house, and it feels like living alone all over again.  
  
Sousuke stares after her and bows his head in defeat, rubbing his throbbing stomach. “Fuck.” 

* * *

“I didn’t know what the hell to do,” he says to Rin on the phone late that night, when rain is pelting the roof.   
  
_“Oh, baby…”_ Rin sighs.  _“I’m so sorry.”  
  
_“I feel awful.” He winces as he kneads his bicep. “And I’m the one that got fucking jumped.”  
  
Rin gives a sad laugh.  _“I don’t think you could have said the right thing to her. There’s nothing you could have done.”  
  
_“Yeah but I like I’m doing  _everything_ wrong.” Sousuke sits up in bed, rubbing a hand down his face. Thunder pulses hollowly in the distance. “I try to take her to the zoo, she gets sad about animals not having families. I take her to Sei’s and Aki reminds her of her mom, I just –” He fumes an exhale. “I’m not doing anything right. I feel like I’m just hurting her.”   
  
_“You’re not,”_ Rin admonishes in a whisper.  _“Think about what else you’ve done together. She’s happy with you, I can tell when she comes to the hospital.”  
  
_He snorts. “Well, she sure as hell isn’t happy now. She hasn’t come out of her room in hours.”   
  
_“Baby, she’s sad. You know what it’s like to grow up without parents. Nami won’t have that – she’s got you and me but she’s gonna always miss her mom. She’s entitled to that grief and we won’t be able to take that away from her, nobody can.”  
  
_Sousuke’s voice thickens. “I just.” His throat aches, contracts. “I really need you, Rin.”   
  
_“I need you, too. Always. I’m so lucky you tried to arrest me of all fuck-ups.”  
  
_He startles a laugh, wiping his eyes. He nods to compose himself and sniffles hard, kicking the blankets off. “I think I’ll go check on her.”   
  
_“Okay, just be sweet. Let her yell if she needs to. I love you.”  
  
_“Love you.”  
  
Sousuke flicks on the hallway light, making Echo and Winnie bolt awake as he passes through the living room. He winces in apology and braces himself with a hand around Namiko’s door knob. He lets go and tries for a gentle knock instead but receives no answer, of course. He sighs, thudding his forehead against the door. Maybe she’s asleep, but he doubts it.   
  
Sousuke opens the door and squints in the dark, seeing a tumble of blankets on the mattress. Moonlight pours through the window as the curtains thrash and he frowns, then his stomach hollows out. The window is open, cracked just enough for a little body to sneak through.   
  
He turns on the light to find the bed empty as rain drenches the carpet, and sickening alarm jolts through his blood. “Oh fuck,  _what the fuck –”  
  
_He races through the house, stumbling into walls on his way to throw open the back door. Cold mud bleeds into his socks as he whips around the yard and the rain drenches him in seconds. “Namiko!”   
  
Only the storm howls in answer as the windchimes thrash. Sousuke lashes rain out of his face, gaze zeroing on the lone tree in the center of the yard. Namiko is stubbornly curled up at the base of the trunk, her jaw gritted even as she trembles.   
  
“What in the goddamn _world,”_ Sousuke breathes in exasperation and staggers out to her. When he touches her, the girl’s eyes bolt open and she pushes him away. “Nuh-uh, we are  _not_  doing this.” He puts her over his shoulder, ignoring it as she beats his back and kicks her legs in a frenzy.   
  
When they’re back inside with the door closed against the storm, he sits cross-legged on the kitchen floor. Sousuke drops Namiko in his lap and she yells just to be loud, her blood pumping with the force of a full-blown feral episode. She’s soaking wet and  _icy,_ terrifyingly so. She beats into his stomach and he barks, “Nami, _please_ stop hitting m—”  
  
She slaps the flat of her hand against his face and his gasp is positively scandalized.  
  
Regret flashes through her eyes the moment it happens but she stubbornly keeps kicking and Sousuke hugs her to his chest. He doesn’t stop rocking her back and forth when she heels his ribs, doesn’t stop when she bites him. He just keeps his eyes closed and nuzzles his cheek against her hair, hushing all of her growls.   
  
When she slumps in exhaustion, he takes her stiff little hand. “Jesus, you’re freezing.” He holds her palm against his mouth and breathes heat into her skin, rubbing his thumb over her trembly fingers.   
  
He does it again and she stares, her eyes half-lidded with a parted mouth. Slowly, Sousuke leans back and smiles faintly. “You like that?”  
  
She brushes her own hand against her mouth to mirror his action. He breathes against her palm, then she looks at his hand with guilt. Namiko takes his fingers to breathe against them, her little exhales like apologies.   
  
Her head flops against Sousuke’s chest and she lets him hold her, snuggling into his warmth. She sniffles. Then she does it again until she’s crying with bitterness – a loneliness that nobody will ever be able to take away, but Sousuke can at least hold her through it.   
  
“I know,” he whispers against her soaked hair. “I know. I’m so sorry, Namiko.”   
  
“M-Miss momma,” she hiccups. Her chest collapses on a broken sob and it’s the worst noise that Sousuke’s ever heard.  _“Momma.”_    
  
“I know, and it’s okay to miss her.” He frames her face, brushing his thumbs over her damp cheeks. “It’s so okay, Namiko.” His smile quivers as he whispers, “I knew your mom, did you know that? Ookami. She was one of the bravest people I ever knew. She had courage, and I’m sure she loved you more than anything.” He pushes her bangs back. “That kind of thing doesn’t just go away. She’s always with you and you’re always going to get to say that you had the best mom ever.”   
  
Another wave of tears rushes over, but Namiko cries in silence this time. Sousuke holds her for what feels like hours, until he’s nodding off while sitting up, and she whispers, “I go outside cause – cause Momma always took Nami outside. At nighttime, when I gotted scared.” Namiko sniffles. “Momma say monsters was scared of her. ‘N she said she was showin’ them how big ‘n scary Nami was. Momma say Nami brave.”   
  
Sousuke smiles and lets her take his hand. “You  _are_ brave.” He shakes his head. “There’s no monsters to stand up to here. Me and Rin will take care of them now.” He nods toward the living room. “So will Echo and Winnie, and Gou. Haru and Makoto. Aki and Seijuro. Even Sayaka. We’ll all keep them away.”   
  
She studies the lines of his hands, her voice a tired croak as the rain fades. “Why?”   
  
His heart thuds. “Because we all love you.” She blinks up at Sousuke.  _“I_  love you.”   
  
Namiko just looks at him for a long while, until she drifts off against his chest.   
  
That morning at breakfast, when they’re both sneezing with chills, Namiko calls him Papa for the first time. 

* * *

The second Rin is home from the hospital, Sousuke drops to the floor and clutches Rin so hard around the knees that he might not ever let go. Rin hugs Sousuke’s head to his belly, kissing all over his face and laughing into his hair.   
  
Rin sleeps a lot the first few days, sprawled across the mattress, greedy to feel as much of it as possible after being cramped in a hospital bed. His features are alight in the most blissful slumber with Namiko flopped across his belly and Sousuke’s protective hand on him. He keeps a smile these days, even while he sleeps.   
  
Namiko opens up now that both of them are home with her; she talks more and though they only understand her babbling half the time, it’s endearing, and one day Rin laughs, “You’re like a magpie.”  
  
She blinks from her spot on the floor, looking up from petting Echo. “A huh?”  
  
“It’s a bird,” Sousuke chuckles, ankles crossed on the coffee table as he sits with Rin on the couch. “They talk a lot, er – sing, I guess would be the right word.”  
  
She looks confused, pouting. “Nami not a bird.”  
  
Rin beams and mushes her cheeks to peck her forehead. “You’re our little bird.”  
  
Nii is the one who tracks down Rin’s shooter. She comes to the house on the brink of morning, grimy from the search, and she tells them that the culprit is a boy from the slums. “Romio Hayafune,” she grunts as she tosses a file onto the table, then helps herself to their liquor cabinet. She yanks her uniform shirt out of her pants and twists the cap on a bottle, chugging the warm vodka. Nii’s face twists as she shudders. “He’s from the slums. Kid’s thirteen.”   
  
“Shit…” Rin sweeps his fingers over the mugshot in the folder. The boy looks even younger than that to Sousuke, his face red from crying and his expression tight to hold in sobs.   
  
Rin closes the folder and pushes it away, closing his eyes to fight nausea. Sousuke rubs his back, gently asking, “Is that the guy?”  
  
Rin scoffs and hugs his arms around himself. “He’s not a ‘guy,’ he’s just some poor fuckin’ kid.”  
  
“But he  _is_ the person who shot you?” Sousuke lifts his brows.   
  
Rin sighs, bowing his head. “Yeah, but…” He scrubs his face. “Natsuya’s from the slums, too. That place just  _breeds_ people like that.”   
  
“True, but the slums are the only part of Iwatobi that wasn’t claimed as gang territory,” Nii says pointedly. She swivels the vodka bottle like that’ll stop it from tasting like molten dishwater. “The cheap-ass revolver he used was his grandpa’s.”   
  
Sousuke tenses with a thought. “The slums are a poor area. That’s reason enough for Romio to take the bait if someone put a hit out on Rin.”  
  
“Why’d Romio rob ‘im, then?” Nii scratches at her sideshave. “If someone from Diamond Back paid him off, he wouldn’t need a damn wedding ring to pawn.”    
  
“Ow,” Rin whines, putting a hand over his heart. “Don’t talk about it like that. My ring is out there somewhere lost all alone in the world.”  
  
Nii rolls her eyes with a grin before sobering up. “The kid was just desperate for money, Sousuke. That’s all it was.”  
  
He isn’t convinced, bristling. “Why would he go all the way to Samezuka at seven in the morning if he just needed to rob someone? There’s plenty of spots between the slums and the red light district that he could have hit,  _and_ at a better time.”   
  
Nii purses her thin lips with a shrug. “I guess so, but he ain’t got a gang tattoo and he cracked like an egg during the interrogation.” She snorts, tossing the vodka bottle in the trash before grabbing a beer from the fridge.  
  
Sousuke’s eyes narrow.  
  
“Romio’s got some friends though. He was hangin’ out on the corner with this big dude and like, two girls. This tall chick whopped the shit out of Momo when he was cuffin’ Romio.” Nii laughs in disbelief at the memory. “She bolted and he chased after her but we ain’t shit without Echo, so he lost her. The girl has hair just like Momo’s though; I told him she’d be easy to find but somethin’ about her really shook him up.” She chugs half the beer and wipes her mouth, voice lowering to a slur. “Guess gettin’ your nose twisted up like a goddamn pretzel will do that to you.”  
  
Rin presses his forehead to Sousuke’s shoulder, mumbling, “How much time is Romio gonna get, Nii?”  
  
“Depends on how you spin this. If  _you_ think that he targeted you, then he’ll get more time in juvie, but that’s only if you can convince a jury and I don’t think you’ll be able to.” Her gaze drifts to the kitchen window and she closes her eyes against the sunrise, breathing the warmth in. “Iwatobi’s been without gangs for three years and the kid isn’t affiliated with a group but  _you_  were in Freebird. If you go into that court room and say you were targeted, then it’s just gonna put you in a bad light and you’ll find yourself in a shitstorm of an investigation. They’ll think you did somethin’ that  _made_ another gang retaliate and you know the rules with the pardon.” She levels their gazes. “If anyone from a former gang gets caught doin’ a _nything_ illicit, your penalties will be tripled. That was the deal for the city giving us a clean slate after what happened with Corro.”   
  
Rin scoffs. “But I haven’t done anything wrong since then.”   
  
She gives him an unimpressed look. “It doesn’t matter. You know they’ll pin somethin’ on you.” Nii rakes through her pony tail. “It ain’t worth the trouble, man.”   
  
“I  _don’t_  think I was targeted,” Rin admits, firm and soft. “When Romio –  _did that,_ I…” He clenches the table cloth. “I recognized the look in his eyes. He regretted it, he couldn’t believe that he just did that. I’ve never seen anyone look so scared.”   
  
Nii crosses her arms. “He say anything to you?”  
  
Rin shakes his head faintly. “Not really, he just came out of nowhere and shot me. Stood over me,  _frozen._ I saw how young he was, how scared, and all I said was  _what the fuck are you doing?_ Then he took my shit, babbling  _I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,_ and he ran.”  _  
  
_Sousuke pulls Rin close, stroking patterns over his arm. Nii says, “Romio’s gettin’ three years in juvie.” She nods at Rin’s relieved look. “He’s still got plenty of life left. He’ll get out when he’s sixteen and might get some probation for a while.” She downs her beer and sags into a chair at the table. “Guess that’s  _one_  good thing about the system these days: givin’ people a second chance. Wish it would have changed sooner.” 

* * *

Rin gets back to helping Makoto and Haru plan for the wedding but Sousuke can tell that the pressure is getting to them as the big day nears. He’s always felt bad that Rin didn’t get to have his dream wedding, but with so much to decide on, Sousuke can’t imagine the event being anything short of a nightmare – not to mention an endless pit of loans and debt.   
  
In fact, Makoto and Haru are so desperate to procrastinate that they offer to watch Namiko for the night, and the back burner in which Sousuke left his urges kind of, well,  _explodes._  
  
He’s got tunnel vision as Rin packs Namiko’s things for the overnight stay, and everything about Rin  _strains._ His smile is tight, his laughter wobbles a little too high, and impatience beats off him in waves. Sousuke taps a restless pattern against the kitchen counter, his finger damn near blurring. He shifts his weight this way and that as an itch scrambles beneath his clothes.   
  
Namiko shoulders her cute little backpack and they hold her hands to walk her across the yard to the next house over. Rin is still using a cane, but he hobbles along quickly.  
  
Namiko’s grown to love coming over since Makoto indulges in whatever game she wants to play and Haru is surprisingly one to spoil her. Sousuke and Rin watch her spread out all the toys she brought to play with and Makoto asks about each one with excitement. Haru rolls his eyes to the other pair. “Those are new toys.”   
  
“Half of them are from you,” Rin taunts while he slides a hand down Sousuke’s back. His hand sneaks under his shirt and Rin drags his nails, slow and light, across Sousuke’s naked skin, finding all the places he wants to rake bloody once he’s got Sousuke between his legs. His hand drifts down to Sousuke’s ass and Rin’s exhale falls heavier.   
  
Awareness sharpens the world around Sousuke, his spine melting before it hardens. “See you in the morning.”   
  
They take their leave and Makoto wanders into the kitchen just as Haru shuts the back door. “Nami’s putting her stuff in the guest room,” he says, hugging Haru from behind to peck the back of his head. Haru strokes the arms around him and Makoto sighs at the window. “They really needed a break. You think they’ll go out to eat or something?”   
  
Haruka shrugs, cuddling back into a firm chest. “They’ll probably just sleep.”   
  
Makoto laughs. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

* * *

The door bursts open with a force that throws picture frames off the walls, shelves jumping off their nails. The house is black and gold with late evening, and bodies scrambling in the dark until Rin’s shoved up on the counter. He _rips_  Sousuke’s shirt open with a satisfying noise; tongues rake over chins and teeth, their pulses hurdling at a speed that leaves them faint.   
  
Rin’s pushed flat on the counter and he laughs, breathless with anticipation. He snaps into an arch when Sousuke’s hand dips into his open zipper.  _“Oh…”_ His arms thrash, sweeping the counter, and plates shatter with cups toppling over.  
  
Sousuke swallows around Rin’s cockhead and he  _screams,_  knees jerking up. “Fuck, oh my god _–”_ He fists Sousuke’s hair to shove him harder between his legs and his head falls back with teeth gritted in satisfaction.   
  
Sousuke finds the top of the barbell pulled back from Rin’s slit and drags his tongue through the mess of precum on the way to suck the silver ball between his lips. He sucks harder until the opposite end of the barbell presses tight against the underside of Rin’s cockhead, and Rin’s thighs clench at the wicked pleasure. “God –  _shit,_ Sousuke.” He grimaces, knees digging together as he stoves off coming. His face floods red and holds his breath, but his mouth bursts open when Sousuke pulls at the barbell with his teeth, making him feel the stake glide through his cockhead.   
  
Sousuke gulps him down with a few hard swallows, but that’s all he can take before he lurches upright and wavers. Rin pants up at him from the counter, gliding his fingers across Sousuke’s mouth, following wet slivers down to his neck. He jostles his throat with a grin. “You wanna fuck me?”   
  
“Yes.”Rin take his hand to press it against Sousuke’s cock, making him touch himself. _“Please.”_    
  
Rin’s demeanor shifts into something bold and dark, an expression that took years to find. Sousuke can’t help but kiss him, digging his teeth into the softness of Rin’s lip, licking where he throbs. Rin moans and kicks his pants down until they’re twisted around his knees, and that’s all he can take before he’s pushing a little vile into Sousuke’s chest.   
  
He grabs it in a stupor. “When did you…?” He shakes his head, not having the mind to care.   
  
Sousuke spreads lube across his fingers as Rin fists his tattered shirt. “Come on, come on,” he chants, voice hollow.   
  
When Sousuke shoves two fingers into him, Rin lurches and his eyes bulge. Sousuke falls into a rhythm, fucking him open with a wet, nasty noise and Rin croaks a groan. Sousuke’s hips rut against the counter at the sound. Drawers jostle. His cock is miserably swollen, itchy-damp, and he’s all for it when Rin swats his forearm. “C’mon, fuckin’ do it, I’m ready, hurry –”  
  
Sousuke unzips his jeans to take his cock out, fist instinctually pulling around it before Rin sits up and does it for him. He licks his palm to jerk Sousuke, pulling upward to draw out his length, vicing his shaft to feel its stiffness. Sousuke’s head lolls back to rasp a curse and he grabs Rin’s biceps for stability. “Look at me,” Rin pants, hand pumping slick and fast.   
  
Sousuke does so, eyes glazed with his gut on fire. Rin stares into him, arm working as he pants for Sousuke. His face is gorgeous at moments like this, when he’s nasty with want and gazing at Sousuke’s nakedness like he owns every inch of him, and he does, _god,_ he fucking does. Sousuke’s knees and heart fall weak in equal measure whenever he looks at him like that.   
  
Rin holds his gaze as he scoots to the edge of the counter, letting Sousuke yank him up by the thighs. He throws an arm around Sousuke’s neck rather casually, at odds with his ragged breath. His trembly fingers sweep across Sousuke’s damp hair, feeling out the contours of his skull and kneading his scalp. His actions are a sign of contentment in their proximity – no fear. His body doesn’t flinch when Sousuke pulls his torso flush, and Rin smiles faintly just because.   
  
Rin grinds across Sousuke’s cock to drench his shaft in hot slick, and Sousuke’s teeth dig into Rin’s throat. He ruts up blindly, just needing to soak his dick and hear that wet sound that makes his core ache.  
  
Rin moans a laugh,  _feeding_ on his need while Sousuke humps him. “I missed you too,” Rin sighs into his ear, gliding against him until it hurts.   
  
Sousuke leans back with his head lost in a fog, and he meets Rin’s eyes with as much focus as he can manage. He takes his cock in hand to circle Rin’s entrance and Rin tenses, straightening to brace for it. Sousuke waits. “Tell me you’re here.”   
  
Rin’s expression softens as he frames his face. He pecks his lips, lingering to whisper, “I’m here. I’m all here.”   
  
Sousuke sinks into him and Rin’s walls flutter shut around his cock. He pulls out and his dick is  _slick,_ gliding back inside to let Rin’s body clamp down on him. “Fuck,” Sousuke grits, every muscle of him wired taut. Rin’s too gone to even make a sound, eyes rolled shut, and his body bounces with each thrust. Sousuke’s fingers dig into his waist. “You good?”   
  
Rin drags his shirt up to grope his own pecs and tease his nipples. “Yeah –”  
  
His voice punches into a shout when Sousuke rams into him. Rin scoffs and  _grins_ as Sousuke’s last thread of control breaks, and he hauls Rin off the counter to fuck him standing up. Rin can only hold on for dear life with cry after cry, nails dragging angry streaks down Sousuke’s back to hear him groan. His navel tightens as Sousuke’s cock bucks deep, numbness streaking all the way down to his toes.   
  
Rin climbs Sousuke’s waist, using the leverage to pull up and down every inch of his cock.  _He’s_ the one fucking Sousuke now, sitting tall in his arms and meeting his gaze as he moves.   
  
“God,  _Rin,”_  Sousuke chokes, gripping his ass and slipping his fingers over where they’re joined. When their mouths slide together, a purr builds in Sousuke’s chest and he slaps Rin’s ass, making him scream a laugh of guttural satisfaction.  
  
Sousuke pins him to the wall, yanking his good knee up until it touches his ear. Rin yelps and his free leg dances for footing but he loses stability completely when Sousuke puts all his force into nailing Rin’s insides. They both fall mindless, sweat imprinting the wall as Rin’s arm jerks out to clear an entire shelf’s worth of décor. He grabs a curtain like a lifeline and the rod tumbles off the window.   
  
“Gonna come,” Sousuke pants, mouth pressed against Rin’s temple.   
  
At some other time, if they weren’t about to die for it, Rin would make a joke that three minutes of fucking isn’t anything worth coming over, but he’s already in that mindset where he’s hissing filthy things,  _living_ for how his brutalized insides throb.   
  
Rin presses Sousuke’s hand against his belly, letting him feel the shape of his own cock there, and Sousuke halts stiff inside of him. Rin’s head thunks against the wall when heat shoots up into him – the sensation added with Sousuke pumping him weakly, thumbing the barbell in his cockhead, hurdles him into an orgasm so blinding that he can’t hear himself yelling Sousuke’s name.   
  
Afterward, when they’ve crashed to the living room floor, Sousuke crawls over to the fireplace since neither of them have any business trying to stand up to turn on the lights. He and Rin flop onto their backs, gleaming sweat and panting. They blink around to survey the house – dishes exploded on the kitchen floor, counters a mess of toppled clutter. Shelves hang askew, spilling their items across the carpet. Window rods hang sideways with torn curtains.   
  
Rin hums a satisfied laugh, closing his eyes as he raises his fist. “Still got it.”   
  
Sousuke chuckles and taps the offered fist before rolling on top of him. 


	4. the hawk & the falcon

* * *

Haru and Makoto keep Rin busy with wedding finalizations as he heals, which is good because Rin is about to climb the walls in boredom. Sousuke often comes home from work to find his husband sitting up in bed with venue fliers scattered across the mattress while Namiko watches cartoons by his side.  
  
Of course, Sousuke gets reeled into helping whenever he’s available, and Namiko is always up to head over to Makoto and Haru’s house to play with Tango, their tripod German Shephard. Tonight, they’re working on invitations: Rin teaches Sousuke how to tie parsley to the burlap ribbons around the cards, which are tastefully minimalist save for the olive-green background. After thirty minutes of it, Sousuke grumbles, “How many people did you invite?”  
  
Haru looks up from cutting the parsley into smaller pieces. “All my coworkers at the rehab center.” He reaches across the coffee table to hand his fiancé more ribbon. “People from the V.A. office.”  
  
“Everyone from Makoto’s grade level at the elementary school,” Rin adds, glancing at his laptop to scribble an address across a gold envelope. He looks through the ones he’s already labeled. “Okay, I’ve done everyone on your hallway, Mako, now I just have to find the school secretaries’ addresses – Katie and Emica, right?”  
  
Haru bristles. _“Not_ Katie.”  
  
“Yes, Katie,” Makoto chides, pressing an envelope closed with a green wax seal. He adds it to the towering stack on the table.  
  
Haru pouts. “Why?”  
  
“Because it’ll be awkward if I don’t,” Makoto whines. “I don’t know why you don’t like her.”  
  
“She is literally panting after you,” Haru scoffs.  
  
Sousuke perks up, interested for all the embarrassing reasons. “Oh, _really?”  
  
_“No,” Makoto withers. “She knows Haruka, it’s nothing like that.”  
  
Haru rolls his eyes to Sousuke. “Every time I go to eat lunch with Mako at the school, she acts like I’m bothering him and that he’s got work to finish. But he’s always crying over a Danielle Steel book whenever I visit during his planning period.”  
  
“Oh, _god –”_ Rin flops forward with dramatic emotion and jars Makoto’s shoulder. “Did you read _Bungalow 2_ yet?”  
  
“Don’t wanna talk about it,” Makoto strains, throwing a hand out to hold back tears.  
  
Sousuke gives Haru a flat look. “I think you’ll be fine.”  
  
His half-brother isn’t convinced. “She’s going to glare daggers at me throughout the entire wedding.”  
  
“Duh,” Rin scoffs. “That’s kind of the meaning behind all this.” He waves an invitation for emphasis. “You think we bought the goddamn rights to the riseling font and put frosted tissue paper in these bad boys for nothing?”  
  
He’s met with blank stares.  
  
Rin drags a hand down his face and braces his arms on the table. “Look, marriage is cute and all but the _wedding_ is supposed to be a fuckin’ event. It’ll impress people. Make ‘em jealous, you’ll get to run victory laps around Katie’s ass. This is the best time for it.”  
  
Haru blinks and mulls it over. He straightens with a poised smile before gracefully returning to his work, and Makoto groans into a couch cushion.  
  
Every meeting gets stressful after that, especially when it comes to deciding who will be in the wedding party. The evening ends with Makoto drunk as hell and crying his eyes out, wailing, _“I just don’t want anyone to feel left out!”_ He flies through a babbling mess of words. “Wh-what if someone w-was expecting to b-b-be –” He grabs tissue to blow his nose loudly and Sousuke winces. “What if someone was expecting to be in the wedding only to find out they’re _not,_ oh my god –” _  
  
_Haru looks to the heavens for strength as he strokes Makoto’s hair; the man has all but collapsed in Haru’s lap. Sousuke sends a worried glance at Rin, but his husband just pats Makoto’s back like he completely understands. Rin soothes, “Nobody will hate you because they’re not in the wedding party, Mako –”  
  
_“But I would! I’d be so upset!”  
  
_“That’s because you’re secretly petty,” Haru sighs. “But you wouldn’t show it, nobody in the world except me would know that your feelings were hurt.” He rubs up and down Makoto’s shoulders, voice softening when his fiancé peeks up at him. “Trust that these people will be adults about it. I won’t let anyone ruin this for you.”  
  
That clears Makoto’s head a little, just enough to actually get something done. It was already decided that Sousuke would be Makoto’s best man, while Rin will be Haru’s. After hours of debate, the wedding party is decided: Asahi and Kisumi, Nagisa and Rei, Nii, Aki, and Ikuya; Natsuya and Nao will offer their full support and advice, but their official roles are ushers; Makoto’s twin siblings and Gou will be honor attendants, then Namiko and Sayaka will be their flower girl.  
  
The next order of business is formal wear. Luckily, Makoto and Sousuke are wearing their dress blues for the service, so they’re able to opt out of the boutique trip. However, they’re shouldered with occupying Namiko.  
  
Sousuke observes Makoto while they take the girl to the shaved-ice parlor. He’s a natural with her, though he’s always been good with children. Namiko lets Makoto prop her on his hip so she can look through the display glass and decide what flavor she wants. He tells her lemon tastes like rainbows in the summer, and watermelon is what you crave after a day of swimming. When she asks him what blueberry is like, Makoto gives a sheepish blush because that’s Haru’s favorite flavor.  
  
They take Namiko to the pier, which was adopted by local environmentalists and is now family-friendly, void of liquor bottles or syringes to step on. They sit on the pier’s steps to the beach and watch Echo chase Namiko across the sand; the ocean is calm today, its rhythm therapeutic enough to make Sousuke sleepy. Makoto doesn’t look directly at the water, but he seems to feel safe, being distant from the ocean.  
  
Sousuke watches Namiko with fondness practically radiating from him, and Makoto grins with a nudge. “You’re really good at this, you know? Bet you feel dumb for how nervous you were in the beginning.”  
  
“It’s still scary,” Sousuke assures with lifted brows. He props his elbows on his knees to dig through his bowl of shaved ice, scraping the spoon along the inside – his chosen flavor was cherry, of course. Sousuke takes a bite and chews, “Big day’s getting closer. How do you feel?”  
  
Makoto sighs and leans back on his hands, closing his eyes to drink in the sunshine. “I’m all right.” He pushes a sneaker through the sand, watching his prosthetic stretch out. He wore athletic shorts today and Sousuke can see it in his eyes, that Makoto doesn’t understand what a milestone that is. He used to only wear shorts when he and Sousuke would go to the gym late at night, when nobody was around to see, but now he’s out in broad daylight and able to enjoy it.  
  
Makoto takes a sip of the cappuccino he bought at the parlor, saying, “Haruka and I wouldn’t have been able to do this without Rin’s help. He’s done most of the work but just the little bit I’ve done has kind of made the wedding feel…” He rolls his lips around for the word. “More intimidating? All the planning seems to take the fun out of it.”  
  
“I think most people say that,” Sousuke nods. He palms his shoulder, rolling his neck – the scars on his throat tighten with the motion, pulling uncomfortably. “It’ll be worth it when the day is here.”  
  
“I think so, too,” Makoto beams. His smile softens, bashful. “I’m so excited to marry him. I still can’t believe we’re doing it.”  
  
“You waited three years to propose,” Sousuke chuckles.  
  
“Yeah, technically, but it still felt like I asked him too soon. I was so anxious, I could have died.”  
  
Sousuke snorts. “Rin and I only knew each other four months before I asked him, and we weren’t even speaking for two of those months.”  
  
Makoto looks enamored with the memory – the love story best relived with rose-colored glasses. “And now you have a _kid.”_  
  
Sousuke can’t help but feel giddy in his heart. “Yeah.” A smile slips across his face before sinking away, and his voice sombers as he gazes at the waves. “I should have given Rin a wedding.” His mouth firms and he looks away, swallowing some of his black coffee. He grimaces at the foul taste; it’s cheaply made but didn’t have the price tag to match, of course. “He always insists that it doesn’t bother him, but I know that he always wanted a wedding and now he’s never going to get one.”  
  
Makoto tips his head, squinting in thought. “Why didn’t you have a wedding when you got married? I mean, I know money was tight back then, but I could have helped you out. Mom, too.”  
  
Sousuke twitches a grin and shrugs. “We just couldn’t wait, plus Samezuka was on the market for cheap, so Rin decided that he’d rather buy the place than waste money on a ceremony.”  
  
Makoto lifts his brows. “Well, it was a good decision in the long run, at least. He’s got a steadier job that most.” He toes the sand, expression falling with a thought. “But I can imagine how it feels, not having a wedding. My nerves are completely shot from all this planning, but I _want_ to celebrate Haruka, as corny as that is.”  
  
“It is,” Sousuke nods, lurching back when Makoto kicks sand at him.  
  
They watch Namiko play for a while as she makes snow angles in the sand and tries to show Echo how to repeat the action. Sousuke casts a sly glance at Makoto, taking an evasive sip of his drink. “Think you’ll ever have kids?”  
  
Makoto chokes on his own coffee. He grabs a wad of napkins and smears them across his mouth. “You can’t just ask people that.”  
  
“You’re my adoptive brother and you’re marrying my biological brother. I’m about to get asked so many weird questions at this wedding, so I can ask _you_ whatever the hell I want.”  
  
Makoto picks at his fingernails in jerky motions. “I’d really like to have some kids, that’s obvious.” His smile is heavy with longing. “Having a family with Haruka… I think about it almost obsessively, sometimes. On those days when we don’t have anything to do and the house is so still, or when we’re out on the porch swing, looking out at an empty yard.”  
  
Sousuke is taken aback by the emotion Makoto speaks with; he was oblivious to such yearning.  
  
Makoto glances away sheepishly. “There’s been a few times where I’ve thought that Haruka was seeing the same things I was – what could be. But then he’d just hold my hand tighter and I didn’t dare bring it up.”  
  
Sousuke understands. “You think he isn’t ready.”  
  
Makoto makes an uncomfortable face. “I don’t know if he’d shut the conversation down. I’m sure he’d be willing to at least listen to me.”  
  
“But you don’t think he’d want… all that, right now.”  
  
“I know he wouldn’t,” Makoto chuckles. “And I probably sound really stupid, wanting to take such a big step so quickly.”  
  
Sousuke shrugs, leaning back on his palms. “They say you aren’t supposed to make any serious life decisions for a year after a major life event, but it’s hard not to since your mind is all over the place.”  
  
“Yeah,” Makoto nods. “But really, I’m okay with mine and Haruka’s situation – at least for right now. We haven’t had a lot of time to relax, so I’m looking forward to having him to myself after the wedding.” He fumbles with his hands. “I’m just…”  
  
Sousuke rolls his eyes before nudging him softly. “We’ve kept bigger secrets than whatever you’re thinking. Just say it.”  
  
Makoto looks unnerved at the reminder of all the things they’ve done, things that were documented and secured, never to see the light of day again. Makoto chews his lip. “I can’t believe how much he loves me.” He shakes his head in an attempt to control the sensational rush, but his voice is thick with it. “I’ve never felt so _adored,_ Sousuke. Haruka is just… my hero.”  
  
“I know the feeling,” he assures, daydreaming of his own husband.   
  
“I can’t even believe it, the way he looks at me every morning.” He smiles, looking faint. “He’s the one trying to adjust to normalcy yet _I’m_ the one who can’t believe any of this.”  
  
Sousuke bristles at something in his voice.  
  
Makoto rubs under his knee, the spot where flesh rounds off into a metal rod. “I’ve been a bit worried, kind of on edge about the oddest things with Haruka.” His features tighten into a guarded expression. “I’m afraid.”  
  
“Of what?”  
  
Makoto caves, his emotional exhaustion getting the best of him. “Settling down and getting married is a very typical thing for the average person to do.” He gives Sousuke a pointed look. “Average, _law-abiding_ citizens get married.”  
  
Sousuke blinks. “Haru _is_ a law-abiding citizen now. He’s got the tax papers and the debt to prove it.” When Makoto doesn’t respond, an eerie chill creeps down the back of Sousuke’s neck. “You don’t think he’s…”  
  
“No,” Makoto says profusely, grimacing at the can of worms he’s opened. “No, that’s not – I have no doubts that he’s walking the straight and narrow.” His shoulders drop in defeat. “Haruka is doing everything right, I don’t know why I feel like all this happiness has a time stamp on it.”  
  
Sousuke can’t think of what to tell Makoto; his insinuation leaves Sousuke speechless with fear, so he puts a hand on Makoto’s shoulder. Makoto leans into the touch miserably, whispering, “I feel so bad for thinking like this. I’m afraid I’ll lose him again.”  
  
“That’s normal,” Sousuke promises, giving him a squeeze. “What you went through with Haru was… _a lot,_ and I know how hopeless you had to have felt, Mako.” He swallows. “None of this – Namiko, or being married – feels real to me. The stillness of it all, it’s – you know I’ve never handled it well.” His heart swells painfully in distress. “Every day feels like I’m getting closer to something taking it all away.”  
  
Makoto straightens up and wipes his nose, sniffling hard. He tries for a smile. “You hide it well.”    
  
“And so do you. That’s our goddamn problem.” He sighs and backs off, thinking. “I know I’m the least qualified person to say something like this, but maybe you should talk to Haru about what’s going on in your head. Sounds like it’s more than just pre-wedding jitters.”  
  
Makoto rasps a laugh, looking a bit more like himself, though tired. “We’ve talked about it. I’m shit at explaining myself, worried I’ll hurt his feelings, and I try to placate the situation as soon as I bring it up.” His eyes slip closed. “He’s so patient. He listens to me cry and doesn’t get offended.” His eyes open to gaze at the horizon line, and his expression is unreadable. “I believe him when he says that he’d never do anything that would put me in danger or harm our relationship.” He rolls his lips in to stop them from quivering. “I’m just so sick of being scared all the time.”  
  
Sousuke scrapes his thumb over the lip of his coffee cup. “Are you scared that he won’t have a choice in going back to that lifestyle, or are you afraid that he would decide to?”  
  
“Oh, I know he won’t choose that over me.” Makoto is steadfast in his resolve. “He won’t.”  
  
Sousuke gnaws the inside of his cheek, not knowing why such dreadful words are forming in his mind. “Have you thought about what would happen if he did?”  
  
At long last, Makoto faces him, unflinching with lifted chin. He’s never looked more righteous with conviction. “I would leave him, and Haruka knows it.”

* * *

Though his little heart-to-heart with Makoto unnerved Sousuke, there’s no tension between Makoto and Haru as final arrangements for the wedding are made. The looseness in which the couple moves together does well to reassure Sousuke that Makoto’s concerns were inconsistent fears that have popped up over the years.  
  
However, it worries Sousuke how much he resonated with those anxieties; he realizes how much more paranoid he’s become since bringing Namiko into his home: checking the window locks four, five times a night or holding Rin in bed so uncomfortably tight that they both wake up sweaty with stiff muscles.  
  
What does it say about him and Makoto that they don’t trust life enough to just let them be? Sousuke doesn’t linger on that thought too long, and lets it slip away unabashedly. He was never graced with an award for trusting things to simply work out, and he moves through the last days of planning with repressed indignation for his own conflicts.  
  
As always, Rin catches him slipping. It’s a Friday night and they’re in bed embarrassingly early, but Namiko will be in the living room watching cartoons until late, so it gives them time to just breathe. Sousuke doesn’t feel the need to pretend things are “back to normal,” in the sense that he and Rin are the only people in the house. He is positively in tune with Namiko’s presence in the other room, listening to her coo at Echo or giggle at whatever is happening on the forest channel.  
  
He wonders if he locked the front door, remembers doing it but worries about the balcony door in the kitchen. Rin is sitting up in bed beside him, and his eyes turn sly as he reads a novel. “I locked the back door.”  
  
Sousuke’s gaze jerks away from the wall and he blushes. Rin smirks as he continues to read, murmuring, “You were glaring daggers at that poor wall.”  
  
“Sorry.” Whether he’s talking to his husband or the wall, he’s too frazzled to know.  
  
Rin leans back more comfortably against the pillows, bringing his knees up to prop his book there. He straightens out his leg with a grimace, expression twisting in frustration as he glares at his thigh, which is hidden by the blankets. “Fuckin’ thing hurts so bad.”  
  
“Want a pain pill?”  
  
Rin snorts, giving a dry salute with his beer bottle. “They only gave me like, three when I got out of the hospital.” He takes a swig. “All I’ve got is Advil and this warm horse piss.”  
  
Sousuke chuckles. “You should have put it in a glass with ice.”  
  
“I’m lazy,” he pouts, the lamplight draping his features in sensual gold. He flexes his thigh and hisses through his teeth, tossing his book aside to rake through his hair. “God, this fucking –” His hand hovers over his leg before fisting the blankets.  
  
Worry spikes through Sousuke. Instinctually, his hand juts out to pull the blankets back and see Rin’s leg, but his husband cuts him a sudden look. Sousuke frowns and backs off slowly. “What’s wrong?”  
  
Rin blinks back to himself and flusters. “It’s just uh, kind of gnarly looking.”  
  
Sousuke’s voice falls dry before he can think it through. “I’m well aware how it probably looks.” Sousuke’s throat scars make strangers balk. He can’t hide his burned forearms in a t-shirt or wear his collar high enough to cover his own bullet marks, but Rin has never looked at those old wounds with anything short of awe.  
  
He realizes with a start that he hasn’t seen much of Rin’s gunshot wound. Of course, he’s caught glances of it when Rin first came home from the hospital and needed help hobbling around or in the bathroom, but he knew not to stare at the scar; Rin was mortified for enough reasons in those situations.  
  
Sousuke keeps his gaze on the mattress, head bowed in an act of submission to dispel his husband’s radiating self-consciousness. “Do you want me to look at it and see if something’s wrong?”  
  
The silence is thick. Rin’s thoughts practically scream in the tension. “It’s just feverish.” It’s as if he’s mumbling it to an empty room, psyching himself up to find some bravery. He clears his throat and pushes the blanket away. “Yeah, look at it.” He doesn’t look at Sousuke.  
  
Sousuke’s gaze roams downward and he was more than prepared for how the scar would look, but he wasn’t ready for the emotion that shoots through him. Sorrow ripples down to his fingertips and toes, and he’s left hollow in the wake of it.  
  
It was a clean shot and the wound is pulled taut by neat stitches. Rin’s whole thigh is red with fever, but that’s only because such injuries get worse at night – even so, Sousuke’s never experienced a sight so heartbreaking.  
  
Rin’s expression is no less of an improvement, and Sousuke can’t take it. His husband looks like he’s yearning to crawl out of his own skin and hide; Sousuke’s whisper is rent with confusion. “You’re still beautiful.”  
  
“I know,” Rin retorts in a flash, blushing when his words hang in the air. He snorts to himself, their tension breaking, and his voice flows more relaxed as he looks down at his thigh. “I’m just used to having to get wounds covered up with tattoos.” His gaze skitters away as he swallows. “Miho always made me do it, and now I don’t have to.” He blinks as if his own simple words are a shock to him. “I’ve never had that before.”  
  
Understanding floods Sousuke. He cups Rin’s face in utter joy, though his smile is refrained from more bitter memories. “Me and Mako were talking about that a while ago – how none of this feels real. The normalcy, I mean.”  
  
Rin looks up at him so dreamily before kissing Sousuke’s palm, and he mumbles, “It doesn’t feel like that to me.” He strokes Sousuke’s wrist as he thinks, taking time to savor the sweet bliss of their touches. “I know that I always deserved this. Feels like we earned it, so I’m gonna enjoy it.”  
  
“You trust the universe that much? That it’ll be like this forever?” He doesn’t say it in a scoff; Sousuke is overcome with jealousy and awe.  
  
Rin sighs as he mulls it over. “Iwatobi is one thing and doesn’t know how to be anything else; it wouldn’t be home if it were different. I’m sure there’s gonna be road blocks eventually. Like, getting shot. That was unexpected. Gou not being here is slowly killing me, but I’m getting through it, somehow.” He gestures for the words. “I feel like I have stability now. Not only physically with having a home and stuff, but emotionally, I feel set. I’m gonna cling to the happiness until I look stupid, because I fucking earned it.”  
  
Sousuke’s heart soars despite that he can’t reflect such feeling. How could anyone deserve what Rin makes him feel? “I can’t even tell you how much I envy you.” His thumb rasps over Rin’s cheek, marveling at every curve of him. “I’m scared to learn.”  
  
“That’s okay.” Rin pecks his lips, cradling the back of Sousuke’s head to rake through his hair. Rin smiles just for him, teasing with coy flirtation even after all these years. “It’ll be your job to stop it when something happens.” He runs a single finger down the scar on Sousuke’s throat and his half-lidded gaze follows the motion. “You always have.”  
  
Without looking, Sousuke’s hand cups Rin’s knee and his husband flinches but doesn’t look away from his eyes. Sousuke slides his hand up Rin’s thigh with insistence, and Sousuke vows, “This won’t happen again.” His palm flattens over Rin’s leg for emphasis. “I won’t let it.”  
  
Rin humors him with an endeared smile, though it’s depreciating as he shakes his head. Their eyes share a silent secret in that moment: Rin’s wound is proof that Sousuke’s words can’t hold the truth he wishes for, but Rin will refuse reality because he believes in Sousuke that much.  
  
Rin glances down at his husband’s hand and his own thigh. “I might get the scar covered up anyway. I’ve started to like getting tattoos just because.” He chews his grinning lip. “But I want you to pick it out.”  
  
Sousuke stiffens, feeling horribly out of place in his own bed. “You know I’m not the one to ask about stuff like that.” He’s only got two tattoos, the glock over his heart and the raven on his ring finger. Even if he were inked with tribal sleeves or anything else as dedicated or embarrassing, Rin has a distinct style that Sousuke has no hope of understanding.  
  
Rin laughs. “If I don’t like it, I won’t get it, but I’m curious what you’d pick.” He gives his husband his cell phone. “Just look up ideas, I really wanna see.”  
  
Sousuke spends at least thirty minutes scrolling through a complete nightmare of options, but the conversation with his husband guides his search and he settles on an option. Sousuke still blushes when he hands Rin the phone. He perks up and takes it, squinting at the screen. “A broken clock?”  
  
Sousuke plays with the blankets, voice low with awkwardness. “Since we don’t have to think about running out of time, or – or waiting for something to take all this away from us.” He gathers the bravery to meet Rin’s gaze. “I’ll never let anything happen, so time doesn’t matter anymore.”

* * *

Since everyone is due for a round of shots, holding Makoto and Haru’s bachelor party at Samezuka is a given. Neither of them thought of extensive plans for such an event since Haru isn’t one for excitement and Makoto is witheringly embarrassed at strip clubs, but Rin doesn’t charge them for it, and the promise of endless bottles persuades them nicely.  
  
“Aren’t bachelor parties supposed to be held separately?” Sousuke is forced to holler over the music and the strobe lights blind him. The crowd knocks him around as people shove their way across the dance floor, but Sousuke is happily wasted and it’s not like anyone with functioning libido can complain with Rin grinding back on them.  
  
Rin laughs for no fucking reason, spilling half his martini; the drink is neon pink under the blacklights. Someone brought him a Maid of Honor sash as a gag gift but Rin wears the tangled thing, along with a plastic crown that was bought as last-minute party favors. “It makes sense for them, though,” Rin yells back, bringing their intertwined hands over his head so Sousuke can guide how he moves.  
  
Sousuke sways him back and forth with promising mischief, and he’s aware of how people watch them. Rin is well-known as Samezuka’s owner and catching a rare glimpse of his _husband_ has people stealing glances of jealousy or disbelief. They’re a debacle for a hundred different reasons, but Sousuke stays flushed with pride.  
  
He throws a glance over at the booths across the floor, rolling his eyes. “I told you they were just gonna make out all night.”  
  
Rin sags back into him to just sway, their clothes drenched in sweat and clinging together. Sousuke flattens a palm over Rin’s belly to move him softly, and Rin shouts, “They’re fine – we’ll need them to pay bail when half of us get arrested tonight.”  
  
That’s an understatement. There’s something to be said about how well Kisumi and Nagisa keep it together as teachers; they never show how much they need a break until the liquor flows, and at that point, the champagne starts spraying and they can’t keep their tongues in their mouths around their respective partners. Seijuro and Aki are no better since they’re without their children for the first time in months; Seijuro has absolutely no finesse when it comes to dancing, just humps the air and puts his hands up like he hasn’t went clubbing since the early 2000s.  
  
Sousuke’s birth mother, Mika, is watching Namiko tonight since Makoto’s mom decided to come along for the bachelor party, and he can’t blame Makoto for hiding in the shadows after he had to watch his mother _really_ enjoy her first lap dance performed by one of the male strippers. She’s the first to call for a Lyft and some stragglers from the V.A. office give well wishes to Makoto before heading out.  
  
It’s three in the morning and the club is winding down; the custodians have already clocked in to mop up spilled drinks, and dancers are gathering stray bills from the stages. However, even those in the group who have kids are reluctant to crawl home. Everyone has taken to the lounge area, and they’re hazed over as the tipsiness fades; some sprawl across couches or slouch at the messy tables.  
  
“We should do this more,” Asahi says, lying on a leather settee with Kisumi snoring in his lap. Asahi looks up at the streamers hanging depleted from the rafters and grins. “I know everyone’s schedules are crazy nowadays, but we really oughta try to make this a thing.”  
  
Momotarou nods exuberantly from where he’s sitting at a nearby table with Ai. The Mikoshibas have livers of steel, and Momotarou says, “Yeah, seriously! This was a lot of fun.”  
  
“My body couldn’t handle such,” Rei wheezes, bowed over while Nagisa pets his hair.  
  
Seijuro reaches across the table and Rei grunts when the man gives him a hardy slap on the back. “You’ll build up the stomach for it.”  
  
“Doubtable,” Rei heaves.  
  
Makoto has an ice pack mashed against his forehead as he sends his friend a grim look of understanding. “I know what you mean.” Haru rolls his eyes from beside his fiancé and downs a stray shot of vodka – Makoto gags at the action.  
  
Sousuke tips his head back against his own couch and drifts, letting Rin’s sticky fingers play between his. Sousuke’s glazed eyes roam across the group and suspicion prickles to life. “Where’s Nii?” Come to think of it, he hasn’t seen much of her all night.  
  
Nao sighs from where he’s curled up with Natsuya in a booth. “She left early.”  
  
Sousuke lifts his brows while everyone else looks uncomfortable – well, all except for Natsuya. He lifts his chin. “She got upset when we told her she shouldn’t be drinking.”  
  
Aki wakes up a little more at that, stirring from Seijuro’s side. She looks Natsuya over. “Is something going on with her?”  
  
Natsuya lifts his brows at his glass of water, not withering under everyone’s stares. “Ikuya’s just mentioned that she’s a little stressed. He came by and picked her up outside.”  
  
Nao snorts. “Literally.”  
  
“Jesus,” Sousuke sighs, feeling nauseous at the mental image. He can’t imagine why Ikuya _yearns_ to hang out with all of them – but family is family, he supposes. Even if they’re terrifyingly fucked up.  
  
Aki clears the air by nodding at the bowl in the center of the table. “Haru, Makoto – you never finished the game.”  
  
_“I can’t,”_ Makoto cries, recoiling from the nearest liquor bottle and hiding in his fiancé’s side.  
  
Rin chuckles, making a pillow of Sousuke’s good shoulder. “Just pick a piece of paper out of the bowl and read it off, nobody has to take a shot this time.”  
  
Makoto hesitates before doing as he’s told. There are prompts on little scraps of paper, but they were themed around relationships: which one of the couples was more likely to do blank or say this or that. Makoto looks surprised at the prompt he draws. “Oh. It just says, ‘give marriage advice’. Whoever did it the best was supposed to take a shot.”  
  
“Never underestimate a bottle of wine,” Aki drones with a pointed look. Seijuro pretends to be fascinated with the wall and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.  
  
When it’s his turn to give advice, Seijuro clears his throat. He laces his fingers with Aki’s as he talks. “It’s gonna be a lot of fun, being married. Even though you two live together already, it’s…” He pats his heart. “Different, once it happens. More fun than it’s ever been.”  
  
His words are vague, but Seijuro’s genuity makes both Haru and Makoto blush. They share glances, shy smiles, and look away in the fear that they’ll fly apart with giddiness.  
  
Ai broaches the topic more seriously. “Be patient with one another; it’ll save you a lot of arguments.” Momotarou grimaces at that one before Ai kisses his cheek. “It’ll give you more time to be happy with each other.”  
  
Rei offers advice such as investing energy in mutual benefits, while Nagisa insists on the joy that a good, old fashion date can bring. Natsuya’s priceless nugget of wisdom is, “Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116. Live it, breathe it, embody it. It’ll keep the fire going.”  
  
Makoto looks nervous in his confusion while Haru’s right eye twitches. Nao sighs a laugh. _“Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.”_ Natsuya is utterly dreamy as Nao murmurs it, and Nao turns his contented smile to the couple. “It simple means you must stick together.”  
  
All eyes turn to Sousuke next and he flusters under so many gazes. He keeps his eyes down as he mulls it over, but the words flow easier than he expected. “It’s nice, getting to build something with someone – a life.”  
  
Rin tenses against his side, gaze riveted to Sousuke’s profile.  
  
He continues, “Marriage gives you… stability, and it makes the smallest stuff feel…” He shrugs. “Really good. You’ll be proud of what you have together.”  
  
Rin quivers an inhale.  
  
Sousuke turns to his husband and loses himself in that face, that starry look. He feels himself smile. “If you both try, then it’ll be the best thing you ever did.”  
  
He really should have kept track of how much Rin drank that night, because tears kick up instantly and he’s a snotty mess, but everyone laughs at Sousuke’s dismay. Asahi grins with all his teeth and barks, “Oi Rin, what’s your advice?”  
  
He uses Sousuke’s shirt to wipe at the endless stream of tears and Rin babbles, _“God,_ I don’t know, just fuck a lot.”  
  
Haru purses his lips at Makoto with interest. “I think that was the best advice.”  
  
“You’re unbelievable,” Makoto muffles, burying his face in his hands.

* * *

The rehearsal dinner comes before they know it, and the ceremony will be in two days. Haru and Makoto’s venue is set in the outskirts, ironically enough; the wedding will be held outside, so Haru gets to be around a portion of water, and there’s an old chapel a few hills away, so Makoto’s traditional wishes can be fulfilled as well.  
  
The wedding party spends the weekend at the lodge, which was recently opened to the public after extensive renovations. It’s part of the city’s new tourism plan to bring more value to the outskirts – the lodge is just one addition to several new establishments such as the wildlife conservatory, as well as hiking trails.  
  
The lodge and its grounds previously belonged to the De Vitis family, but the property was handed over to the city; Rin assumes a relative of Pietro’s sold it. The city doesn’t seem to mind that the lodge is tied to Diamond Back by blood. In fact, they’re profiting off of it, giving ghost tours of the lodge each night. It brings in a hefty crowd of supernatural vloggers and sceptics, but Rin doesn’t believe that any De Vitis would leave their own property completely – whether that be Augustine, Pietro, or whatever relative that supposedly cut ties with the place.  
  
He can at least admit that the renovations are breathtaking. The lodge was restored to its former glory and the gothic architecture was maintained. Walking the hallways reminds Rin of an antique store: musty and velvet, rusted gold and disturbing shadows. The designers left the stone snakes wrapped around each interior column, and every doorknocker is that of a serpent’s face.  
  
Commercializing Diamond Back will not be a good move for them in the long run – especially if the gang isn’t clawing up the profits themselves. Rin knows that whoever is left of the De Vitis family will teach these people a lesson of true greed.  
  
He and Haru wander through the gardens that evening, taking to a pond with fireflies dancing above. The air is refreshing with wildflowers, though Haru still appears unnerved – the cigarette he snuck out here proves as much.  
  
Rin stretches out beside him in the cool grass, pillowy soft. His belly is full from the steak dinner after the rehearsal, and he is pleasantly excited for the upcoming ceremony. He gives Haru a sly onceover. “Cold feet?”  
  
“No,” he mumbles. Haru hikes his elbows up onto his knees and flicks the ashes from his cigarette, then sucks in another long draw. “I think I’m in shock. In a good way.”  
  
“Who’d you bum for a smoke?”  
  
“Natsuya.” He snorts, rubbing his brow with the heel of his hand. “I had to listen to the romanticism of cigarettes for fifteen minutes just to get one.” He eyes the stick hanging between two knuckles, and the evening shadows contour his face. “There’s no ‘poetic longing’ to it. I’m just nervous.”  
  
Rin chuckles at his deadpan sense of humor. He takes a moment to hear the legion of bullfrogs groaning across the lake, then says, “You’ll be fine. I’ve planned everything and I know every possible detail that could go wrong.” He levels their gazes playfully. “It won’t. I’m not gonna let it.”  
  
Haru’s expression floods open in his own refined way as the crickets sing. “I really appreciate what you’ve done. Me and Makoto both do.” His gaze shifts back to the water and he thumbs his cigarette, thinking. “I feel bad about all the work you’ve had to do.”  
  
“Don’t, I offered.”  
  
“No, I mean…” He purses his lips uncomfortably, then gives a vague gesture. _“You_ wanted a wedding more than anything. It’s all you ever talked about when we were kids.”  
  
Rin’s chest aches though he tries for a laugh. “You daydream about all sorts of unrealistic things on street corners.” He watches a flock of swans wade in the shallows, throwing ripples across the water. Two of them part from the group and Rin smiles sadly for himself. “I thought of getting whisked away in a horse carriage, I thought about chandeliers and champagne. Everything that was unreachable.” He shrugs. “It was stupid. I haven’t thought about any of that since I met Sousuke.”  
  
Haru gives him a look. “Still, you wanted a wedding up until you realized you couldn’t have one.” He takes a pull and sighs out the smoke; Rin watches it hang suspended, the summer air is so thick. “I’d be resentful, if I were you. I’ve been worried about it.”  
  
“That’s just ‘cause you’re a jealous person.”  
  
“So are you.”  
  
Rin rolls his eyes and smirks. “I’m not mad at you having a fairytale wedding because I know what weddings mean and I _know_ that you deserve it.” His gaze turns skyward as he thinks. “I got everything else I dreamed about. Gou has stability, and I’ve got a good man and a baby. It’s not like I’ve settled.”  
  
Haru shrugs into a nod. They watch the sky bleed for a while, then he turns with curiosity. “What would you have done, if you were able to have a wedding?”  
  
Rin inhales a little deeper, taken aback. “Well, it wouldn’t be like any of this.” He gestures to the lodge in the distance. “I’m covered in mosquito bites and this heat is goddamn exhausting, so it wouldn’t be outside.”  
  
“Kay,” Haru drones. “Where, then?”  
  
“I like unconventional things.”  
  
“No shit.”  
  
“Probably somewhere… spooky. Not like, a graveyard, but somewhere without so much light. Intimate, you know.” He lets buried ideas creep to the surface of his mind. “There’d be an archway made out of roses. I’d like black ones scattered everywhere, though. It’d have a red and gold color scheme. _Lots_ of candles.” He groans at a thought. “The food would have been fucking _stunning._ I found this recipe for meatballs wrapped in bacon on Pinterest –”  
  
“Of course you did.”  
  
“—and there’d be dancing.” His smile falls heavier, though it remains intact. “Sousuke only dances with me when he’s hammered, but that’s okay. He can’t keep up with me otherwise.”  
  
Haru grins just briefly enough for his chipped tooth to peek out. “You’d write your own vows?”  
  
_“Absolutely.”  
  
_“Makoto won’t let me read his before the ceremony.” He pouts as he taps some ashes out into an empty Coke can he brought out with them. “He won’t even give me a hint.”  
  
“You’re trying to suck the romance out of this in any way possible, aren’t you?” He nudges Haru mischievously. “Lemme read yours.”  
  
“No,” he says, disregarding him easily. “You’ll cry.”    
  
Rin cranes back and scoffs a laugh. “You think they’re _that_ good?!”  
  
“I know they are.” Haru upturns his nose as he delicately taps out more ashes. “Make you a deal. You write your own, just pretend, and if I think they’re better than mine, then you can read them.”  
  
“As if you’ll play fair.”  
  
“Bet.”  
  
“… all right, fine.”  
  
Haru grins before his voice saddens. “I wish Gou could have made it.”  
  
Rin swallows, though his eyes still water. He doesn’t bother to hide it. “I miss her every day. She’s been distant since she started at that new school and it freaks me out that she’s so far away.”  
  
Haru sighs out a grey haze. “Feels like your heart is walking around in the world alone. It bothers me, too.” He pushes up his flannel sleeve to rub across gnarly burn scars; they aged Haru’s skin a hundred years. He glances down at his Converse, and though Haru lost all his shoes when the beach cabin went up in flames, Gou makes a point to always put her mark on his new shoes, whether that be a small cat sticker or painting a checkerboard across the sides. Emotion thickens his whisper. “She was ours first.”  
  
“She’s still ours,” Rin says profusely, wiping his eyes. He could stomp his foot in frustration. “She should be here and she’s literally off right now, that’s _why_ you scheduled the wedding for this weekend.”  
  
Haru rakes his bangs back, hair damp with humidity. “If she’s got midterms next week, then I guess she needs to study.”  
  
Rin pouts at the ground miserably. “Yeah, maybe.” He perks up desperately. “But she knows that she could study here, I wouldn’t bother her!”  
  
“You’d _smother_ her,” Haru chuckles. “So would I and everyone else. We’re not used to being without her.”  
  
There’s a rustle from behind and their hands jerk for guns that aren’t there before Sousuke jogs down the path from the lodge. Namiko is perched on his back and bouncing with his every step. “Hey,” he pants, holding up his cell phone. “It’s –”  
  
Echo breaks through the clearing and tears through the mud on her race to catapult into the pond. The explosion of water leaves Rin and Haru scampering for higher ground, and they meet Sousuke halfway. The man hesitates with the phone to his ear; whoever’s on the other side is frantic. Sousuke winces in apology at Rin. “It’s Gou.”    
  
Haru wavers. “Is she okay?”  
  
The man gnaws the inside of his cheek. “She wants to come home.”  
  
“Oh, thank god,” Rin cries, nearly collapsing to his knees.  
  
Sousuke coughs. “No, I mean, she wants to come home forever. She wants to leave the academy. Like, _right now.”  
  
_Confusion slams Rin from all sides as he grabs the phone from Sousuke. “Gou, hey –”  
  
She’s babbling with every bit of his dramatics. _“I’m sorry,”_ she wails. _“I – I r-r-really tried, but it’s just –”_ She sniffles to no avail. _“It’s so w-weird without any boys a-a-and the girls are mean and stupid and –”  
  
_Rin’s heart seizes. “Did something happen?”  
  
He lets her cry for the most painful minute of his life, then Gou composes herself. _“No, I just…”_ She takes a quivering breath. _“I think I’m just – different, and I liked that about myself before I came here. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, I wanted to, every day, all the time, but –”  
  
_She didn’t want to worry Rin. They’re all lucky he doesn’t overflow the pond with his own tears. “Baby, it’s my _job_ to worry about you. I’d worry about you if everything were perfect.”  
  
She croaks a laugh. _“I believe that.”_ Her voice saddens. _“But what about all this money you spent –”  
  
_“Don’t even, it doesn’t matter.” Actually, it does, and Rin will be paying off those tuition loans until Gou has graduated, but he can’t be mad at her for being unhappy. He’s willing to continue paying until the semester is over, even if Gou isn’t there, just so she can be home. “I’ll email you a plane ticket.”  
  
_“Okay,”_ she sniffles. _“I feel s-so bad that I didn’t use the one Haru and Makoto sent me, I’m so embarrassed.”  
  
_Rin scoffs. “Gou, this isn’t even a mistake, you _tried_ to make this work.” His desperation to have her back is getting obvious, but Rin does not fucking care, he has nearly gone insane without his sister in his life.  
  
Gou collects herself with tangible relief. _“All right.”_ She swallows. _“Please, don’t make me come back here after the wedding.”  
  
_Rin lifts his brows because that will be the easiest thing in the world. “A one-way ticket to Iwatobi, then.”  

* * *

Sousuke assumed that all would be well once Gou made it home, and indeed, everything falls away. They all dote on her, promising that she did nothing wrong, and Rin has a newfound easiness about him.  
  
That is, until the morning of the wedding.  
  
The moment Sousuke falls into blissful darkness, the alarm clock blares like a quick brush of fire all over his body, snapping him awake. Rin yanks him out of bed and shoves him down the hallway to the other suite, and Rin kicks open the door with a vigor that Sousuke hasn’t witnessed since they carried knives as standard. _“Wake up you sons of bitches, we’re late!”  
  
_Kisumi screams awake and his legs bolt out, kicking Asahi off the foldout couch. Ikuya startles from his recliner, flying to his feet before he’s fully conscious, and he crashes sideways into the wall. Nii doesn’t even stir from her lair of blankets in the corner.  
  
Natsuya stumbles out of the bedroom trying to work his pants on, and he thrashes like an unholy creature when Rin flips the lights on. “What’s happenin’?”  
  
“Rin said we’re late,” Ikuya barks, half-blind in his exhaustion as he gropes for the closet to find his suit. Stubbing his toe on the coffee table wakes him up quicker than a shot of adrenaline, and Sousuke grimaces at his yell.  
  
Asahi pops up from behind the couch and rubs his bruising forehead. He balks at the clock on the wall in frantic confusion. “It’s five in the morning.”  
  
_“Exactly,”_ Rin says, stomping down the hall to the next set of rooms with his robe billowing. He really shouldn’t look so intimidating in a pair of shark slippers, but Sousuke finds himself subtly cowering out of the way. He’s almost expecting his husband to pull out an airhorn; he’s surprised he doesn’t have a megaphone at the ready.  
  
As Rin bangs on the Mikoshibas door, everyone turns to look at Sousuke, and he only sighs before dragging his feet over to the coffee pot.  
  
He’s only allowed to savor one cup before taking it upon himself to open Makoto and Haru’s door, though Sousuke is positive that Rin’s woke up half the fucking forest by now. “Oi,” he calls into the bedroom.” You better go ahead and get up before we drink all the coffee.”  
  
“I will set you on fire if you don’t shut that door,” Haru drones from the darkness.  
  
Sousuke groans to the heavens before loudly doing so.  
  
Makoto laughs and throws an arm over Haru’s middle. He pulls him close with an inhale against his hair, meshing a sleepy kiss there. “Surprised that Rin woke up before Mom did.”  
  
Haru hums and all his limbs coil tighter around Makoto with an endearing sort of possessiveness. His voice is caught in dreamland. “Y’know, yesterday she said I could call ‘er Mom, too.”  
  
The dregs of Makoto’s consciousness don’t understand, then Haru’s words hit him in the gut and he flies upright. Makoto breaks out in a sweat. “Holy fuck.”  
  
Haru yelps when Makoto drags him up by the armpits to make him sit, and Makoto frames his cheeks with an awed whisper. “We’re getting married today.”  
  
Haru blinks his eyes open wider, and he laughs shyly as he cups Makoto’s hand. “Yeah, we are.”  
  
Their foreheads rest together in giddy disbelief before Makoto staggers back, forgetting that he isn’t wearing his prosthetic. Haru flinches when he falls on his ass and peeks over the side of the bed, where Makoto throws his hands in his face. “Wait, you aren’t supposed to see me today!”  
  
Delicately, Haru peels Makoto’s hands off. “You’re not my bride.”  
  
He opens his mouth before a blush consumes his face. “Turn around.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“We can’t see each other before the ceremony! That’s tradition, it’s – it’s a rule!”  
  
Haru gives a grand roll of his eyes and flops around, crossing his arms at the window. Petulance radiates off him while Makoto straps on his prosthetic and grabs his glasses, then his hearing aid. He flies back onto the bed to crush Haru in a hug, smothering the back of his neck with kisses. “I love you, I love you so much, oh my god. I don’t wanna let you go.”  
  
“Then don’t,” Haru pleads. He turns around with a shocking expression of beseechment; Haru has not put on his daily mask of intimidation and he wears his affection openly, but his gorgeous eyes are tight. “Just forget traditions, we don’t have to be like that.” Haru watches his own hand sweep down Makoto’s jaw to his chin. “I’m nervous, I need you here.”  
  
How incredibly humbling it is, Makoto thinks, to be the only person in the world allowed to hear Haru’s voice silken with vulnerability – sweet, pleading. Makoto’s expression softens as Haru pets his face. “Do you feel shy?” It isn’t teasing.  
  
“… yeah. There’s gonna be so many people around today.”  
  
Makoto’s smile is one of reflective sympathy. “But they’re all here for you,” he reminds his fiancé gently. Fiancé – he’ll never get to use that word again in his life after today. Makoto can hardly wait. “This will be a good day. The happiest.”  
  
Haru gives his eagerness a handsome, sleepy grin. “That’s not true.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
He thinks while playing with Makoto’s hair, listening to how the softness rasps across his fingers. “Aren’t weddings like funerals? For other people, and not the ones at the center?”  
  
“Well, that’s… a characteristic thought of yours, but it’s a little morbid.”  
  
“Therefore, characteristic.” Haru smirks. His finger follows the prominent curve of Makoto’s face – down the handsome plane of his nose, curling over the swell of his lips with vowed reverence. “So, it should make sense to you that I’m at my happiest when we’re alone together.” His hand journeys to Makoto’s throat, where he cups the side and rubs into a strong crease of muscle. Haru’s eyes climb to meet his gaze, and he doesn’t waver. “But it’ll make me happy to have today. I never knew how much I wanted it. And I swear I didn’t get that line from one of Rin’s trashy novels.”  
  
Makoto laughs in delight and crashes into his mouth. “We’re not supposed to kiss before the ceremony,” he giggles against Haru’s lips.  
  
Haru grunts and pushes him onto his back. “Probably not supposed to get a blowjob before you meet with the officiate, either.”

* * *

Rin scampers around like a twitchy little crackhead all day and Sousuke needs a Xanax or eight. _Of course,_ the water heater malfunctions when everyone needs a shower, but the day is so fucking _parched_ that Sousuke is drenched in sweat the moment he puts on his dress blues. He takes his first pause of the day when he sees his reflection. It’s jarring, how different he looks in comparison to the first time he wore this uniform. As always, the outfit gives him a proud air and he naturally stands taller, but his _eyes_ have aged. He looks so haggard in comparison to all this pressed fabric.  
  
Makoto snorts as he flips up his collar to wind his tie around. “I know what you mean.”  
  
He must have read Sousuke’s expression – he must be feeling the same way. To lighten the mood, Sousuke glides over and regards Makoto in his own mirror. “Haru ever seen you in your dress blues?”  
  
“Nope.” Makoto makes a face as Sousuke goes to the coffee maker in the bedroom’s corner. “How could he? I haven’t had a reason to wear them until now.”  
  
Sousuke shrugs with an indifferent expression that Makoto isn’t buying. He pours himself a cup. “Just wondering.”  
  
“Why? Has Rin seen you in yours?”  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
Makoto’s eyes narrow and Sousuke leans back against the wall. His eyes are smug over his cup as he takes a sip and Makoto recoils. “Oh –” Frazzled, he lifts his chin and keeps his gaze on his reflection. “I do not want to hear about yours and Rin’s fantasies right now.”  
  
“Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.” He takes another judgmental sip. “You and Haru have never been on a plane together either, have you?”  
  
_“Gross,_ Sousuke, shut up.” Makoto manages to knot his tie and trembles out a sigh. His stubborn expression relaxes into an exasperated grin. “I appreciate you trying to make this feel normal. I’m about to faint.”  
  
“You’ll be fine.”  
  
Makoto glances at the door – Haru is getting ready in the heart of the suite, but Makoto keeps his voice low for a completely different reason. “Rin told me the other day that he would have went to Paris on his honeymoon, if he had one.”  
  
Sousuke’s whole body drops slack. “Are you _kidding?”_ He sighs, blowing steam from his coffee, and his voice thickens with sarcasm. “Well, what’s another mortgage on the house. Fuck it.”  
  
He moves to top off his coffee again and Makoto groans. “Can you at least put creamer in that stuff? It bothers me that you drink your coffee straight. It’s not right.”  
  
Sousuke takes a long sip just to spite him, then he points a finger with the hand wrapped around his cup. “Sugar is only for the most special occasions. When I _really_ want to savor it. It helps me remember those memories better. I can cherish them that way, so I’m only going to put sugar in my coffee like, eight times in my whole life.”  
  
Makoto’s voice dries. “And what would those times be?”  
  
He recounts them easily. “When I graduated high school, when we retired from the service, my birth mom’s last birthday since that’s the first one I’ve ever really spent with her, and the morning after I married Rin.”  
  
Makoto rolls his eyes at such dramatics. “You shouldn’t measure the best days of your life so sparingly. If that was my motto, I’d be drinking sugar in my coffee every morning.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Makoto blinks, then shrugs. “Don’t we deserve it?”  
  
Sousuke doesn’t have to ponder it long to agree with him.

* * *

Once the afternoon sun has lowered considerably, guests begin to arrive and take their seats at the outdoor venue. The sky is overcast, the color of white wine, and it complements the wheaty palette of the lodge’s gardens. Vases of tan bushels line the rows of chairs as a tastefully vintage chandelier spins overhead, suspended from the tallest oak. A burlap runner guides the way to a circular arch made of garland and palm bushes; they flow in the wind with silken motion. Behind the archway is the black-stoned creek, and the water creates an enchanting sound against the languid acoustic from the outdoor speakers.  
  
Sousuke watches from the dressing room window as people mingle in the garden, and he turns when the door opens. Rin breezes inside, disarming in how handsome he looks. Sousuke drinks him in – all the harsh lines of his suit compliment his striking features so well, and his attractiveness is unabashed.  
  
Sousuke’s stare turns bold and Rin’s smile is one of pleasure. He comes over with his hands behind his back, and he creeps forward with an air of playful secrecy. Sousuke runs his hands down Rin’s biceps, inhaling his flowery cologne before murmuring, “You look so good.”  
  
“Thanks, babe. Weird seeing you in this suit outside the bedroom.”  
  
Sousuke smirks. “Namiko all right?”  
  
“Yeah, Aki’s finishing her hair. I have your boutonniere.” Cheekily, he offers some dark feathers.  
  
Sousuke blinks, eyes trekking to Rin’s breast pocket, where three gleaming, black feathers are tucked. “Are those a raven’s?”  
  
“Mine are. Yours are a crow’s.” He pins them delicately, keeping his free hand splayed across Sousuke’s pec. Rin’s grin turns sheepish. “We’re all wearing the feathers of our totems. Just a little homage to the old days.” He adjusts the boutonniere to his liking before squeezing Sousuke’s hands. “How’s Mako?”  
  
“He’s having his third panic attack in the bathroom.”  
  
“What a coincidence, Haru’s on his third shot in our dressing room.”  
  
The bathroom door peeks open and Makoto steps out, miserable as he flops in a chair by the window. Rin pouts a sympathetic smile as he fans Makoto with a ceremony program. Sousuke clasps his shoulder with a sigh, “Well, at least you don’t look like you’ve thrown up twice in the last hour.”  
  
“Thanks,” Makoto drones. His knee bounces as he rakes through his hair, careful not to mess it up. “I don’t know why I’m suddenly so anxious.”  
  
“The idea of it is more intimidating than the actual ceremony,” Rin promises. He pieces some of Makoto’s strands back into place, then levels their gazes. “Plenty of people faint at the altar. There’s compilations of it on YouTube.”  
  
Sousuke gives him a flat look before waving through a placating gesture. “You’ve held up in worse situations than this. It’ll be okay.”  
  
Rin nods happily before Makoto glances at their boutonnieres. He looks to his own empty breast pocket and Rin smiles. “Haru picked a bird for you.”  
  
He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a clear packet of dusty-gold feathers. Makoto’s eyes widen and he runs his fingers over the package, breathing, “What are they?”  
  
“A falcon’s.”  
  
Makoto looks at Rin’s feathers with more understanding, then he chuckles. “Guess I’m officially joining a gang family.” He sighs out the window. “What a tangled web we weave.”  
  
Sousuke rolls his eyes and nudges him into standing up so Rin can pin the feathers. Sousuke says, “Try to save the dramatics for your vows.”  
  
Makoto stills and flushes a shade of green. Once the feathers are in place, he silently makes his way back to the bathroom and closes the door. The couple grimaces at the muffled noise of retching, and Rin sighs, “Make sure he brushes his teeth six fucking times and shower him in mouthwash before he comes down. We’re on in thirty minutes.”

* * *

When it’s time to gather at the garden’s entrance, Sousuke, Makoto, and their mother wait at the stone veranda leading to the garden path. A hush falls upon the waiting crowd as the air brims with excited tension. Makoto takes deep breaths and his mother blots his forehead, standing on her tiptoes to do so. She grins, “Steady, soldier. You’ve got a husband to go see.”  
  
He nods faintly and when the music lulls awake, his expression firms.  
  
The wedding party files down the path in their respective order, and Sousuke gives Makoto a crushing embrace before trailing after them. Even though this isn’t his ceremony, he can admit that having so many eyes on him is intimidating. He understands Makoto’s nervousness completely now. He catches only brief sights – Seijuro trying to keep his twins and newborn quiet in one of the back rows, Natsuya and Nao smiling from the front row.  
  
Rainbow prisms dance through the willow trees, and their garland lazes overhead. The lawn is blue with evening and the air is alight with enchantment. Sousuke manages not to trip on the runner before taking his place beside Mochizuki, who was honored to be the ceremony’s officiate.  
  
Sayaka and Namiko come along to drop petals; the redhead skips along, flinging flowers and thriving under the attention, but Namiko clams up at the start of the aisle. Her toes dig together, and when it’s clear that she can’t move, Sousuke jogs down the aisle sheepishly. The crowd chuckles as he takes her hand to help her walk, and she forgets to drop petals but instead drops the whole load of them at the stage. She beams up at Sousuke and he chuckles, adjusting the magpie feather tied to her wrist.  
  
Nii and Ikuya walk Echo and Tango down the aisle, and the Shepherds look adorable in their lace collars. Everyone rises when Makoto comes down the aisle with his mother hugging both arms around his bicep, and she does an impeccable job of keeping him steady. Makoto glances up at the willow trees with surrealism, but it seems to be an elated disbelief. He takes his place beside Sousuke with a wide-eyed look that’s hard not to smirk at.  
  
Rin saunters up the path, unfaltering under all the pressure of this moment. He offers Sousuke a playful onceover before taking his place on the other side of Makoto, and they watch the garden entrance with anticipation.  
  
Haru steps through the trees with Mori on his arm; he is haggard with nerves, but he stills when his eyes find Makoto’s like sun to shadow. A thousand words run between their gazes and they both seem to forget themselves, slipping into a comforting headspace of familiarity with a fresh wave of newness.  
  
Like a string pulled taut between their hearts, Haru lessens the distance, holding Makoto’s eyes and never glancing away. Makoto meets him at the head of the runner with his hand outstretched, fingers lax and his smile soft.  
  
Haru stares down at Makoto’s hand before his eyes roam to his face and their fingers slide together, wintery paleness against summer skin. They take their place before Mochizuki and the man grins. “Well,” he says, voice echoing through his mic. “I imagine that these two are more ready to get through this than all of us combined, so we’ll make this short and sweet.”  
  
Laughter ripples through the crowd and the couple ducks their heads with shy smiles, keeping both their hands tangled.  
  
Though a baby starts warbling and Tango dashes away to go chase a squirrel, the ceremony is light-hearted, relaxing Makoto and Haru’s nerves enough to get through their vows. Makoto goes first and Sousuke could never hold it against him for having trembling hands as he reads his papers. “Haru,” he exhales, offering him a brief, private smile. “The first thing you ever said to me was _I don’t owe you shit.”_  
  
Startled laughter erupts from everywhere and Haru blushes with a chuckle of his own. Makoto says, “That mentality stayed the same for a very long time, but I hope now it’s safe to say that’s changed just a little. Sometimes I still think about what you said when we met at the soup kitchen, and I’ve spent so much of my life wondering just how I’ve convinced you to come this far with me.” He sobers up. “You have spent countless nights promising that I am special and worthy, but from the moment you showed me who you really are, I knew that the world itself doesn’t deserve you.”  
  
He swallows. “Your determination is endless for the people you love, and I am in awe of you, always. I am honored to be close to you, and to inherit a family of people that cared for you long before I had the privilege of doing so.”  
  
Sousuke hears Asahi snort to hold back a sob, then Ikuya’s snicker.  
  
Makoto keeps his free hand laced with Haru’s as he continues to read. “You are my home; a place that keeps me safe. When you learned who I was, and what I’ve done and endured, you never offered me resurrection.” His voice cracks. “You told me _ardently_ that I didn’t need it – that I was enough as I am. You continue to tell me that in everything you do, all the ways you look at me.”  
  
He takes a second before his gaze slips to Haru’s. “Falling in love with you was the most intense thing that ever happened to me, and I never want to stop. You and I are like two legs, one body. And I will love you through any storm and all the rain in the world.” His smile quivers as he squeezes Haru’s hands, and he rasps, “Thank you for marrying me.”  
  
Sousuke is surprised by the sudden lump building in his throat.  
  
Haru blinks glistening lashes, dazed when Rin hands him his phone. Haru takes it numbly and steadies himself. “Makoto,” he sighs like a prayer. “You’re really the most unexpected thing that ever happened to me.” Faint humor opens his features. “I wasn’t looking for you but you were a light that demanded to be acknowledged, and you just… took me over. Everything was so bad when we met but I was afraid of change despite how much I needed it.”  
  
Sousuke sniffles hard, straightening his posture and rolling his shoulders. He looks at Rin’s tear-streaked face and rolls his lips to keep composed.  
  
Haru shakes his head sadly. “I didn’t know any other way of living; I didn’t know how to love you, but you taught me. You’ve made me softer in a way that isn’t shameful in the world that I come from.” He glances to his friends. “Love made us fight harder, but you showed me that I didn’t have to fight anymore.” His brows pinch to withhold emotion. “You gave me a resting place when my whole life was on fire. I will do the same for you until I die and then some.” He sniffles, eyes darting across his phone screen. “I promise to keep you safe and release all the spiders into the backyard because you get resentful when I kill them.”  
  
The crowd laughs and Haru smiles only for Makoto. “I promise to listen to you and think of you and always choose you. You’re my destiny.”    
  
“Goddamn it,” Sousuke whispers, smearing a hand across his nose. Rei vices to his bicep and sobs into his shoulder; Nagisa peels him away with a cringing smile.  
  
Mochizuki finishes off with the standard proclamations, then beams. “You may now kiss your husband.”  
  
Makoto wavers before framing Haru’s cheek, threading his fingers into his hair. Haru smiles brighter than anyone has ever witnessed and when their lips meet, it’s like the whole forest sings.

* * *

Once the reception has died down and Sousuke’s belly is full from the buffet, his tie undone and his blazer cast away, he dances with Rin. His husband looks pleasantly surprised even though they’re not doing anything but swaying to the languid music with cradled hand. “You been hitting the liquor in the bathroom?”  
  
“No,” Sousuke pouts, resting his chin atop Rin’s head. Their eyes slip closed as they revel in their shared warmth. “It’s customary.”  
  
“Mmm.” Rin hugs his arms around Sousuke’s neck, fingers rasping along his undercut. Exhaustion slips into his voice as he glances around the reception tent. “I can’t believe this shit worked out.”  
  
“You made it perfect,” Sousuke professes, cupping the small of Rin’s back to pull him closer. He pecks his forehead, then his cheek and his giggling lips. “You did so well.”  
  
Rin is flushed when he pulls back, skin nearly glittering. He glances across the dancefloor. “They’re happy, that’s all that matters.”  
  
Sousuke follows his gaze – the Mikoshibas dance with their children, Natsuya rocks with Nao, and Makoto cradles Haru close in the center of the floor. They murmur in their own little world, sharing whispered excitement and affectionate stares.  
  
Namiko waddles over with sleepy grabby-hands and Rin holds her between him and Sousuke as they dance. The couple shares hushed gossip about what the guests wore before Gou flings herself across Rin’s back. “I’m so tired,” she whines.  
  
Rin scoffs and bristles. _“You’re_ tired?”  
  
She hugs her arms around his neck from behind and grins. “Can I have my room key now?”  
  
“Please just suffer with the rest of us until the sendoff. You can have three pizzas for breakfast tomorrow, I literally do not care.”  
  
Sousuke laughs and Gou huffs, snuggling her cheek against Rin’s back to sway with him. The little family dances in place and Sousuke’s heart has never been so close to bursting.  
  
When Makoto and Haru are gone and Sousuke is helping Rin load up wedding gifts, he notices a black box looming on the present table. The box displays the lodge’s insignia, so Sousuke assumes it’s a gift from the venue and peeks into it. Inside is the most lavish wreath of white roses, textured with fern stems and lace. A card is spiked in the center but Sousuke closes the box out of disinterest instead of reading it.  
  
_Regards from Italy.  
_

* * *

Their time fostering Namiko comes to an end and the moment comes for a decision to be made – a permanent one that will impact all of their lives forever.  
  
Namiko sees her adoption day like a birthday, so she proudly wears a birthday hat into the courthouse, the same place that Sousuke and Rin were married in. She walks in between them, holding their hands and laughing up at them giddily every thirty seconds. This weird little girl with her crooked birthday hat, unruly hair, gapped teeth and dirty feet has truly stolen Sousuke’s heart, so it’s no surprise that he gets the most emotional that day. At least everyone else is crying, too.  
  
Signing papers for a human being is a surreal experience, but Sousuke has never been prouder to read her adoption certificate: _Namiko Yamazaki.  
  
_It wouldn’t be a proper fake birthday without presents, so the family returns home for just that. Everyone comes to celebrate the little girl and they cram into the living room, sitting in the floor like she does. Even Sousuke’s birth mother comes with Mori, as well as Gou’s friends like Hayato and the Tachibana twins. Gou props Namiko in her lap to help her unravel gift ribbons and everyone beams over her presents with exaggerated awe.  
  
Sousuke watches the scene from the kitchen doorframe with Haru. He takes a swig of his beer and gives his brother a onceover. “Honeymoon go well?” He nudges him with a smirk. “They say it makes or breaks the marriage.”  
  
Haru gives him an unimpressed look. “I came _seven times_ on my wedding night. I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
_“Haruka!”_ Makoto hisses from the kitchen, where he’s putting candles on the cake with Kisumi. His instincts alone told him something mortifying was being said. “Shut up!”  
  
“Yes dear,” he drones into his beer. Haru flexes his hand, eyeing his wedding band. “It was pretty nice, getting out of Iwatobi for a while.”  
  
“Yeah, but did you have to go all the way to fucking _Rome?”  
  
_Haru upturns his nose. “Makoto likes art. He’s always wanted to go, so I didn’t mind. There was this fountain dedicated to Poseidon, that was probably my favorite part.” He shudders at the memory of so many crowds. “Besides getting back to the hotel room.”  
  
Sousuke chuckles. “Seems like you did well for someone who’s never left their hometown.”  
  
Haru glances back at his husband before lowering his voice. “I was pretty paranoid, actually.” He hesitates. “I felt like someone was following us.”  
  
Sousuke gives a considering shrug. “Hell, maybe they were. Tourists mean rampant pick-pockets; if it’s becoming a problem here with our piss-pour tourism, then I can’t imagine what it’s like in Italy.”  
  
“I guess.” He rudely pushes his empty bottle into Sousuke’s stomach. “I’m gonna head outside to get some air.”  
  
“You mean _not smoke_ with Natsuya?”  
  
Haru flips him a bird and Makoto knees him in the ass for it, but Haru’s laughing when he slips out the back door.  
  
Sousuke goes into the kitchen to dispose of the beer bottles and Kisumi smiles from the coffee maker. “Want some, Sou-chan?”  
  
“Don’t call me that, Nagisa says it enough.”  
  
Makoto rolls his eyes as he takes out plates. “He’d love some Kisumi, thank you.”  
  
Kisumi winks at Sousuke, who chuckles in response. He leans against the counter to watch the living room through the open archway. Rin sits with Namiko amongst the sea of wrapping paper as she shows him all her new toys, and he beams over each of them. Rin watches her babble with a smile like never before – nearly faint with love.  
  
Kisumi says, “You want cream and sugar?”  
  
Sousuke finds it hard to catch his breath, but he manages a nod. “Two sugars, please.”

* * *

As luck would have it, Rin has a meeting with a potential investor at the club after Namiko’s party. He meets Samezuka’s house mom slash manager, Sara, in his office, and he’s flustered from his run from the parking lot. “Hey,” Rin pants, dragging his windblown hair into a tie before shrugging off his leather jacket.  
  
“Sup,” she greets from his lounge, smiling up from her phone. Sara is in her forties, but she worked in Samezuka’s red light district for twenty years before retiring. She takes great care of all Rin’s dancers, offering them advice and giving them comfort through home-cooked dinners at the club each night. She’s a curvy, short woman with colorful tattoo sleeves, and she always wears a bandana over her poofy, blonde hair; tonight’s bandana is red. “I saw your Instagram post, congrats on the adoption.”  
  
“Thanks,” he laughs, halting when he notices she’s wearing a gown – it’s intimidatingly formal and extremely contradicting against her headwear. “Shit, should I have worn a suit?”  
  
“Gotcha covered.” She reaches behind his desk and holds up a dry-cleaning bag. “Go put that on, doll. They’re waiting in the club.”  
  
A dozen questions rush through Rin’s brain and it shows on his face. He peeks into the bag and balks. “Where did you get such a nice suit and why aren’t they in the conference room?”  
  
“Want me to take the time to explain all that or do you want that fat check to waltz right out of here?”  
  
Rin rolls his eyes at her cheekiness and slings the bag over his shoulder. “Have you met the investor yet?”  
  
“Yeah, he’s real hot. I think you’ll like him.”  
  
He makes a face at that and shakes his head as he heads for the bathroom.  
  
Rin is shocked at how much he likes the suit – it’s plumish red but the lapels are black silk, and the outfit is snug in a way that makes him feel flirty. He’s disappointed he doesn’t have time to send Sousuke a picture, but he keeps his exuberance as he makes his way down the hall of statues to the heart of the club. Rin frowns at the blazing overhead lights, wondering how the hell he could have forgotten to turn them off when the club is closed.  
  
He trips over his feet when he enters the dancehall. Rin blinks down at the candles around his feet, and his stomach drops with a realization that his mind has not yet registered. Confusion overloads him as he takes in the red and gold drapes hanging across the ceiling, and feather trees glow under the blacklights. The sight is gorgeous as much as it’s bizarre.  
  
He’s standing on a black runner mirrored by candles on either side. Slowly, Rin’s gaze follows the trail across the dancefloor, and when he registers the black pews and a hundred people staring at him with grins, it all starts to make a little sense.  
  
But the realization doesn’t _slam Rin in the gut_ until he notices Sousuke at the runner’s end, standing before an archway made of roses. His husband’s smile is bashful but pleased, and he is goddamn _gorgeous_ in his black suit, his eyes standing out against it.  
  
Rin’s voice is all gasp. “Huh?”  
  
A giggle from his left has Rin jerking to the side, and he’s winded as Namiko grins up at him. She’s wearing an adorably fluffy dress, black – but no shoes, of course. There’s a flower crown of enormous red roses in her hair. “Hi Daddy,” she greets with her excitement bursting at the seams.  
  
“Hey baby,” he sniffles, taking her hand when she offers it. Miserably with emotion, he whines, “What’s all this?”  
  
“You ‘n Papa gettin’ married,” she says like it’s obvious. She looks embarrassed for his stupidity.  
  
Rin takes in the people around Sousuke on the stage: everyone he holds closest to his heart, wearing shades of red or black, just for him. The crowd brims with dancers, ex callgirls and rentboys he survived with, so many people that are here just for this surreal moment.  
  
He thinks he’s about to faint before someone grabs his bicep. Gou grins and tucks her arm over his elbow, cuddling up for a quick hug. “Surprise.”  
  
Rin is so numb that he’s reaching stroke territory. “How did this happen? I was _just_ at the house –”  
  
She nudges him playfully, raising her brows. “You wanna talk now or do you wanna have the wedding of your dreams?” She points her bouquet at the aisle.  
  
In the last bits of Rin’s mind that haven’t died, he supposes that he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want an ounce of magic to be stolen from his moment, so he lets Gou drag him down the aisle after Namiko, who scatters black petals for them – everyone is lucky Rin doesn’t careen into a tray of candles, he’s so blindsided by all this.  
  
Sousuke meets them at the bottom of the short staircase with an outstretched hand, and Rin’s fingers tremble before he rests them in his husband’s palm. He doesn’t breathe as Sousuke kisses the back of his hand, resting his lips there with brief intimacy. “Are you mad?”  
  
Rin is so gone that he doesn’t even register the words, and his voice leaves him in a dreamy sigh. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever seen.”  
  
Sousuke crooks a shy grin and leads him up the stage, where they clasp both hands. Makoto smiles from his position before them, and he nods politely at the crowd. “You may now be seated.”  
  
Rin fails to swallow his heart back down and Makoto clears his throat before speaking into the mic. “Thank you all for coming. I know this was planned even before Haruka and I got married, but on behalf of all of us in the wedding party, we want you to know how much it means that this was kept a surprise.”  
  
Rin’s left eye twitches and spasms as he struggles to comprehend. Sousuke just squeezes his hands to subside his questions, rubbing his thumbs in circles around Rin’s knuckles.  
  
Makoto says, “I was nervous when Sousuke asked me to officiate this celebration, but it’s what he and Rin deserve, so I’m proud to do it.” He flashes a more relaxed grin at Rin. “I know this might be a given, but I’d like to say how grateful I am for Rin. Not only did he keep my husband and I grounded in the tornado of our own wedding, but he gave Sousuke peace. You made him anew, gave him the stability and encouragement he always needed, and I’m so lucky to call you one of my best friends.”  
  
“Fuck,” Rin whispers, crying into his hand before Haru slips him a tissue.  
  
Makoto continues. “Since you’re both already married, there isn’t much for me to do, but Sousuke wanted to say a few things.” His smile turns cheeky. “And I think Rin might want to as well, if he’s up to it.”  
  
Rin’s pulse flatlines because how in the shitting hell is he supposed to put all his love for Sousuke into words when he is seconds from dying in the floor?  
  
Haru nudges a familiar set of wrinkly papers at him. It’s the lodge’s stationary, and Rin remembers scribbling across those pages in the bath during the stay for Makoto and Haru’s wedding. He recalls the bet with Haru about vows, and Rin sobs, “Oh, you _fucking_ ass.”  
  
The wedding party laughs and Rin snatches the papers, hands quivering around them. Sousuke’s hands are in no better shape when Makoto gives him a set of weathered papers; there’s passionate scratches through some words, while other sectioned are circled or underlined – parts of Rin’s love that needed to be emphasized and spoke on.  
  
Sousuke keeps his gaze on his vows, overcome by a sudden case of stage fright as an anticipating hush falls on the crowd. The man takes a deep breath. “Rin, first I want to apologize for how dramatic all of this is, but it was _your_ vision, so.”  
  
Laughter bubbles through the room as Rin’s heart soars. His husband mumbles, “Even though you always say how we got married doesn’t bother you, it’s weighed down on me for a long time because it was something you wanted and I didn’t give it to you. I didn’t understand the significance – all I wanted was to be your husband, and I thought it was that simple. But you showed me that celebrating is important; we should honor what we have, always, and I cherish you, so.” He shrugs. “This just made sense.”  
  
Rin wavers, heaving for breath as tears flood over. Sousuke pets his hand ceaselessly and murmurs, “You’re the hardest working person I know, and the sweetest, most thoughtful man I could ever hope to share a life with.” Emotion swells in his voice. “From the moment I met you, it felt like I knew who you were. I understood you. I wanted to save you. But you never did let me because you were always going to protect everyone else before yourself.” His eyes skitter to Rin’s. “I admire you endlessly, every day. Your strength, your love. You’ve given me a home that I’m excited to run back to after work, and you’ve built a family with me, even when I didn’t know I needed it. I’m so sorry it took me years to realize it.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Rin croaks, hand flooded with sweat in Sousuke’s grip.  
  
His husband offers him a sheepish grin before finishing. “We’re weapons together, against everything. I feel untouchable with you. I feel proud beyond measure, and I want you to know that I am your husband before anything else. I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too,” he laughs through a sniffle. “God, okay.” Rin wipes his nose and tries to read his papers through the tears, but they overflow even harder. “S-Sousuke, you’re the man of my dreams. I created the idea of you every midnight when I didn’t have a place to go. When I was cold, and miserable, and scared. When I couldn’t even depend on a stranger’s compassion, I had to pretend that you were real, and that it would all be over soon. I swear to God, I was in love with you before I even met you.”  
  
Rin smears the saltiness from his lips. “You took _so_ long to find me,” he professes in a sob. “But you made up for it the moment I first saw you. You showed me empathy nobody thought I was worth, and you gave me mercy. You dedicated yourself to understanding why I’m the way I am, and your patience was infinite. You wanted everything from me that wasn’t physical; I could see it in your eyes when you were hurt by my own hurt, and you never hesitated in fighting for me.”  
  
Rin closes his eyes as tears drip off his chin. “You are every dream I’ve ever had. There’s nothing I won’t do to protect what’s ours because you show that same resolve in everything you do.” He laces their fingers together more firmly. “You’re the man my dad said I deserve and I _miss_ him, because I want him to know you – because he’d adore you, and he’d be so happy for me.”  
  
Gou looks haggard from a lifetime’s worth of grief. She rubs Rin’s back, fisting his blazer.  
  
Rin finishes, “I want you to know that I think about it all the time – how my dad would react to the kindness you’ve shown me. And I am indebted to your heart because I know that I’ve made him proud by choosing you as my husband. You are _everything_ to me _.”  
  
_Sousuke holds his gaze as a tear slides off his cheek, a lone river of clear, naked devotion.  
  
Makoto can barely get a word out between his sniffles, so he gestures for them to do the rest. Rin laughs through his tears, then hugs his arms around Sousuke’s neck to pull him into the most blinding kiss of their lives, and it’s like sugar fills their veins.

* * *

**THREE YEARS LATER**

* * *

Sousuke slumps into his office at the station, tossing his gun belt onto his desk before flopping in his chair. He opens a window to let the stale breeze roll in, as well as the catastrophe of loud traffic from the streets below. He rakes a hand through his hair – it’s matted with sweat and his uniform is no better.  
  
Sousuke sighs and kicks his feet up on his desk, taking a swig from his hot water bottle. Echo sprawls out on the carpet, too tired to even bother with her food bowl; the heat is so murderous this summer that she didn’t whine when Sousuke slipped her police vest off in the cruiser.  
  
He’s looking at a picture on his desk – a snapshot from his honeymoon in Paris – when there’s a knock on his door. Sousuke groans, scraping a hand along his beard before calling them in with gruff professionalism.  
  
Momotarou flies into the room, stumbling right into Sousuke’s desk. “Hey, Sei just called and needs a quick favor.”  
  
Dread coils. “What’s up?”  
  
“Okay, so, most of our detectives are working at the barges, and we need someone to interview the dude they just brought in.”  
  
“What happened to the recruits? They’re here _specifically_ for shit like this.”  
  
“Ryuuji and Mikhail are working the field. You’re the most experienced person in the building right now, c’mon, please?”  
  
This all only serves to strengthen Sousuke’s disdain for the pair of recruits. He hauls himself to his feet. “Fine. I want overpay.”  
  
“We all do,” he snorts.  
  
Momotarou guides him into the interrogation hall and through the first door on the right. It leads into a set of two rooms: the first is dark and cramped with a rickety bench. There’s a mirrored wall at the far end, revealing the interrogation space on the other side.  
  
Sousuke steps up to the mirror with crossed arms and he lifts his chin to size the guy up. He’s tall, but not physically impressive; his sweater is bunched at the elbows and the fabric is dusty, perhaps from a scuffle. He has an odd air about him. Though he’s bowed over the table in exhaustion, he does not tremble. His cuff hands are splayed open, not pulled into the safety of his middle. Brown hair hides his eyes as blood drips from his mouth; his forearms are scratched up, knuckles split and swollen twice the average size.  
  
Sousuke lifts his brows at Momotarou. “What’s his deal?”  
  
“He was jumped,” he explains, shivering as he watches the guy. “His attackers got away but he won’t tell us what happened. We pulled security footage from the crime scene and I saw their getaway cars. They were members of Diamond Back.”  
  
Sousuke’s face creases in frustration. “Think he owes them money? He’s wearing a Gucci sweater.” Momotarou gives him a dazed, stunned look and he clears his throat sheepishly. “Rin likes window shopping. You can tell that’s the brand by the snake on the front.”  
  
“I don’t think he owes anyone money.”  
  
Sousuke grabs the files from the bench and tucks them under his arm. “Well, only way to find out.”  
  
“No, no, Yamazaki-senpai, I don’t think you understand –”  
  
The guy lifts his head when the door creaks open. Sousuke’s hand falls slack and he doesn’t know why. He isn’t familiar; the boy is positively a stranger, young but refined, though there’s a starburst crack in his glasses. His eyes find Sousuke through the mirror somehow, and his features sharpen.  
  
Dread sends Sousuke’s gaze to the boy’s forearm, where there’s a distinct tattoo of emerald scales like an inked bracelet.    
  
When the boy pulls an indulgent smirk, Sousuke looks down at the file.  
  
_Hiyori Tono._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this spin-off! before season three, this idea was originally what i had intended for an ewoatt sequel - with a little dash of more, of course ;) but this was the basic deal. i am so excited to share the next installment, and i would love to know what you think. heart heart heart 
> 
> btw, obvs hiyori was ARRESTED for another reason aside from getting jumped. i just wanna save it. Ty ty ty 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ohmacbetha) & [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/macbetha)


End file.
